#1
i have a show today, and the band decided i would be the one talking/communicating with the audience

any ideas on funny/cool stuff to say to communicate or make the audience laugh??
or generaly cool stuff you heard frontmen say to the audience duaring shows, would be really cool of you yo post. fo sho

thanks
Listens to Jazz

Quote by Local666Union
each time I piss in the dark I'm afraid that some wierd plant is going to eat my dick



#2
Wooooo fck yeah!
May the Schwartz be with us! 2012



MAL


Q: OK, so do you care about the labels — nastiest, edgiest team in the NFL?

Jim Schwartz: It's better than the alternative — meekest, least aggressive, softest team in the NFL.


#3
No. I'm not funny.
They made me do push ups in drag

I'm gonna have a really hard time if we're both cannibals and racists.

Don't dress as a whore, he'll thump you.

I'm a firework, primed to go off
#4
just don't say

"ARE YOU FEELING GOOOOOOD?!!!!!!!"

God I hate that. Of course we feel good idiot, now start playing.
Quote by Ichikurosaki
sloth is hacking away feebly at the grass because he is a sloth but he was trying so hard ;_; hes all "penguin im HERE i am here to help you penguin"
#5
Did you hear the bit about this band who tried to play a song well? You're gonna laugh, it goes like this:

*play song*
#6
I play a Folk show, and inbetween songs, I slammed on my Big Muff and upped the volume and starting thrashing out Raining Blood, then stopped right before the kind of hard part, just said "I'm only kidding," and segued into my final song, a cover of They Call The Wind Mariah XD
Top 15:
Neutral Milk Hotel
Smashing Pumpkins
Placebo
Elliott Smith
Devendra Banhart
Pavement
Anberlin
Eve 6
The Clash
Imogen Heap
Ingrid Michaelson
Bayside
Minus The Bear
The Replacements
Bright Eyes/Conor Oberst
#7
I made a joke once. We had a band called Eat Tea right (don't ask me why) and I said to the audience:

"Yes, we are Eat Tea... you may have seen the movie"


Quote by Ichikurosaki
sloth is hacking away feebly at the grass because he is a sloth but he was trying so hard ;_; hes all "penguin im HERE i am here to help you penguin"
#8
Quote by Demon Wolf
I made a joke once. We had a band called Eat Tea right (don't ask me why) and I said to the audience:

"Yes, we are Eat Tea... you may have seen the movie



I play solo, and refer to myself as It's Just Me, one time I got up there and said, "hello, my name is Stephen Sigritz, and this is my band...It's Just Me" and proceeded to step aside to show off an empty stage XD

Top 15:
Neutral Milk Hotel
Smashing Pumpkins
Placebo
Elliott Smith
Devendra Banhart
Pavement
Anberlin
Eve 6
The Clash
Imogen Heap
Ingrid Michaelson
Bayside
Minus The Bear
The Replacements
Bright Eyes/Conor Oberst
#9
Once I get into a band and play my first gig, after introducing the band members I'll say something like "Go easy on us, it's our first time" and wink.
Comic




SAAAAAAAAANNNNNSSSS!!!!
#10
Take notes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gIW7YlWnKw

Only go for any of the if you're not afraid that the audience will explode from awesomeness.













☻/

/▌

/ \


PSN ID: Lord-MacTooth
#11
"Did you hear about the man who bought a dog from the blacksmith?
As soon as he got it home it made a bolt for the door"
#12
A hydrogen atom ran into a police station and said to the policeman in charge, "Officer, you have to help me, a chlorine atom has stolen my electron!"

The policeman replies "Are you sure?"

To which the hydrogen atom answers, "I'm positive!"


You're welcome.
#15
My personal favorite?

"Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar...and doesn't."
Top 15:
Neutral Milk Hotel
Smashing Pumpkins
Placebo
Elliott Smith
Devendra Banhart
Pavement
Anberlin
Eve 6
The Clash
Imogen Heap
Ingrid Michaelson
Bayside
Minus The Bear
The Replacements
Bright Eyes/Conor Oberst
#16
Listen to Reel Big Fish's live album. Acquire ideas.
Call me Jack.
All that you love...
...you must love now.
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#18
I cannot stand rehearsed banter. I also cannot stand chumps who suck and just stand there and say or do nothing. I want something I'm never gonna get again unless there's a camera there.

Riff off the crowd/earlier bands (if you're not first), otherwise just make shit up.

Your band suck for making you do the talking yourself, so maybe rip on them for it (in a light-hearted way, of course).

Otherwise, I've always found shitting in your hand and throwing it gets a reaction.
#23
Quote by pwninator123
My personal favorite?

"Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar...and doesn't."


#26
Quote by CoreysMonster
Did you hear the bit about this band who tried to play a song well? You're gonna laugh, it goes like this:

*play song*


please TS, do this

also, just say thanks for coming and stuff like that.


#27
Heard a joke once. Man goes to see doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a world which seems vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Paggliaci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you right up." Man says "But Doctor, I am Paggliaci." Good joke. Everyone laugh. Snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.
Quote by CV334

Sir, the contents of my mouth just blew all over my keyboard, desk, and part of my monitor. For the record, it was slightly chewed Keebler cookies and coffee slurry.

The average pitmonkey's response to my jokes.
#28
Quote by Crofty89
Heard a joke once. Man goes to see doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a world which seems vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Paggliaci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you right up." Man says "But Doctor, I am Paggliaci." Good joke. Everyone laugh. Snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.


If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat. - Douglas Adams
#29
Introduce yourself as a somewhat famous band with a style completely different to yours.

EDIT: And Rorschach (Watchmen) is always awesome.
Last edited by Sant_iago_9 at Sep 11, 2010,
#30
Just watch Mikael Akerfeldt. The man is entertaining on stage.
DOWN WITH THIS SORT OF THING
and
CAREFUL NOW


No man needs a holiday more than the man who has just had one.
#31
I once saw this folk-duo, who gave massive explanations of the stories behind all of their songs. On about the fifth time they did this, they took about 5 minutes telling this story about the 16th century origins of the track and this tale of dragons and knights etc, and then played 'Anarchy in the Uk'. It came completely out of the blue and engaged all of the people who had switched off during their performance. Stuff like that will make people take notice of you.

I also saw an Irish folk singer who kept telling these hilarious Irish jokes, the music was awful but the jokes he kept coming out with were hilarious. Sometimes the scripted stuff does work, but if you don't have anything good just chat with the audience, unless you totally lack any social ability, then just stare at them awkwardly and play your songs.

Either way don't worry about messing up the first couple of times, you need time to perfect your act and your stage presence, and you're better off saying something stupid to 50 people than 5,000.
#32
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So two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff
*ba dum tch*



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#33
I was at a Primus concert in Vermont this summer and Les goes "I've heard here in Burlington is the best fried dough anywhere. I asked people and get things like 'Yup'."
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#34
Quote by pwninator123
I play solo, and refer to myself as It's Just Me, one time I got up there and said, "hello, my name is Stephen Sigritz, and this is my band...It's Just Me" and proceeded to step aside to show off an empty stage XD


Quote by shattamakar
The only advantage of home-schooling is that it gives you good reason to commit suicide.


Hit this once or twice, and you'll be twice as nice.
#35
I used to work some Mitch Hedburg into my shows...

"I taught myself how to play guitar. Only problem was i didn't know how to play it...so i was a really shitty teacher"

"I'm sellin T-Shirts tonight...they don't have my name on em' or anything, they're just Hanes 3-packs"

"Here's a joke for you...If you wanna talk to me after the show, i'll be...****in' suprised"

Also used to joke about how everyone is Big in Japan. Even made up a long, drawn out biography about our band's life and adventures in Japan...we were clever and edgy...
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Quote by SkepsisMetal
Well Taz is just full retard
I think you'll find that the more acceptable term is "australian"

Funniest Exchange i've read on UG

I would have consensual relations with Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Call me Dean or Vill
#36
me and my friend made up a duo by the name "bad". we haven't performed yet, but it will presumably go like this.

"hello, we are bad"
plays song
"goodnight, we were bad!"