#1
the painting hangs like jesus
two
by
-four
(hands never quite keeping
with the times)
juxtapose and positioned
either in dye
or dying for me
but there have been other criminals
aside from those who have known you
and they have signed such contracts
but neither the thorns on his crown
or those within the frame
could maim me; the colours have already bled
and dried and scabbed in place-
but what was it exactly you saw in Him?
there is humility and ruthlessness
angels and their angles
in every which way the light will bend
and those eyes will follow you
as you exit the room
as you **** in the sheets
as you up and die
so tell me:
why does it speak to you
and never I?
#2
Alright man, Ive gotta say that this was very well written. For some reason, though I am not sure if this was your intention, it felt alot more visceral to me than it was actually written, perhaps because of prior images of what you were writing about flashing through my head.

The first four lines were the weakest in my opinion, they didnt really grab me, if you just randomly say "the painting hangs like jesus" it is more likely to confuse people then to provide them with an epiphany on the subject itself. I would still use those four lines, but perhaps incorporate them in the middle of the peice, where some build up could perhaps make them more relevant.

The lines "either in dye, or dying for me" I especially liked, using the same word but their alternate meanings in successive lines is something I always enjoy, and you did it quite well here.

The next two lines kind of seemed out of place in execution, I sort of understand what your trying to say about how things are working, but I dont dig how your saying them.

The rest of it is definitely the most angry, questioning, brutal part of it, and this transition to me just feels right, like this was the natural course for the song to go.

The last four lines are my favorite, the message sounds out the song with a question that sums up the entire peice, so extremely well done there!

Overall, I really enjyoed it, it was a real pleasure to read this, and as with your other works it was extremely well written.

If you have a moment, Id really appreciate a C4C. links in the sig. Thanks!
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.