#1
Hey guys, a camp counselor inspired me to write, and that was around a year ago. I Never got anything together until pretty recently, and these are really just snippets. I'm beginning to put down chords riffs and melodies, but choruses are really tough to think of. I'd just like some input on these 2 songs I'm working on. The first was inspired by the holocaust unit in school last year.

Outside, the overcast skies
describe the demise
of the people waiting on the sun to rise

well next time the the sky turns blue
he'll shield your eyes from the view
had em thinking he would follow through

they eat up what he puts forth as true
but its all lies

so next time do everyone a favor
use the power you were given
and move the clouds away
(clear the skies, feast your eyes)


Chorus

Maybe its time we all went under
to discover that our lives are in the hands of a man
who is told when to pull the lever

...aaand that's all I got.

I know some parts are pretty awkward, but I think its at least decent for a first real attempt at songwriting. Ill post the other later, I'm gonna go to bed now. But please tell me what you think.
#3
I figured out an awesome vocal melody for the chorus haha

Sorta Breaking Benjamin-ish

Good lyrics, man
Your light bulb knows everything you do in your room.
#4
thanks guys. here are a few more.

the tides of the struggle have turned
in the mind and body of he who yearned
to be something other
than someone in pain

now as he falls for the last time
pain is ceased
and his mind is eased
I hate to think that its better this way

Nobody is surprised
we all foresaw his demise
and still i cant stand to think
it was me who stood and watched him sink

Chorus:
[:Come on boy and stand up straight
For you are not he
and for that you should be grateful:] 2x
Its like watching fireworks fly from a sinking ship
or a baby in the serpent's kiss
or a baby in the serpent's kiss

Thats as far as ive gotten on that too. I have one more stanza, but i just took it out, because i realized it sucked. anything on this one?