This is something I've been working on for a few days now off an on. The words in parenthesis are possible substitutes for the word preceding them.

Fire sparks the light again
Fear be gone the dark within
Liar sparks the fight and wins
Leer upon the dark the sin

Given way the ground again
Fallen way this hallowed den
On the faults as this erupts
Forgive me now its not enough

Sky is black with cold embrace
Ash rains down with falling grace
Miss the rise and watch the fall
My demise the end of all

Father Spirit holy one
Save me now your only (favorite) son
Fault me not for I have done
all I could i did not run

Damn the heavens damn the sky
Damn the reasons damn the why
Give me hope (life) to take away
Damn this (the) night and damn this (the) day

I was foolish but not wrong
Pride crept out but has since gone
Could not fix and would not mend
The Fire sparks the light again

Looking for some criticism
Edit: I'll take anything at all. Even a "you freakin blow. if you don't stop writing i'm going to shoot myself." Just trying to get some perspective/something to work on.
Last edited by heavylite at Sep 12, 2010,