#1
it's been a while.

another year older and none the wiser
joints for breakfast and clouds for hire
styrofoam self esteem; my body's a limousine
black luck so desolate as i fall asleep
barbarically conceived under crooked feather sheets
my friends are machines in a tambourine dream
marionette-esque girls under a moon's laser beams
i am a child of squealing contraconceptives
my mother a concept, my father a sceptic
ampethamine sally, i love you don't judge me
i am your one way ticket to fame;
remember the time when we read ezra pound's lines
blurred fingertips of dissonant rhymes; you would
open those thighs like my throat in the night.
Last edited by phantom1 at Sep 12, 2010,
#2
my mother a concept my father a skeptic... wow. some of the wording here is amazing.

read it probably 4 times and each better than the last but this really booms when read out loud the fifth. you have such magnificent movement itd bet a shame to not at least whisper this one at least once. the scope of it is pretty large and the ideas so wonderfully touched with brief specificity that it almost seems boundless as it makes a mad dash straight into that night.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
Last edited by jiminizzle at Sep 12, 2010,
#3
Reading this out loud, albeit softly, to myself, feels like I am reciting a spell. So good. So, so good.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#6
hello, stranger.

i really enjoyed this. maybe the ending could have made more impact, but its fine. stylé. ive always liked the way you write

are you writing regularly these days?

btw, have you used the contraceptive line (or some variation) before?
#7
I've used it before in a really bad piece but I've always liked the line.
Not writing regularly at all; just sometimes when I feel like I have to.

Thanks, stranger.
#9
omg.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#10
seperately i loved the idea of the line 'my mother a concept, my father a sceptic' and adored the rhyme in 'ampethamine sally, i love you don't judge me'. as a whole this doesn't strike me but dayumm.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#12
it's always nice to see you post something. as has been mentioned, the flow here was impeccable and aside from a corny line or two the content was excellent as well. congrats.
#13
can't help but reread this. one of those poems that comes up in your thoughts during the day.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me