#1
dedicated for someone i never knew...
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WHO ARE YOU ?
fairytaleuntold

For some reason, I just can’t sleep tonight
As if a princess waiting for her knight
I can feel you near me… though you’re too far
The wounds you inflicted, left a deep scar

I remember the songs we used to sing
But now it felt that they just said nothing
Coz suddenly you stopped singing along
What once was right, now felt terribly wrong

You disappeared without saying goodbye
I said “it’s okay”… but my heart can’t lie
You could’ve just told me it’s all a game,
I’ll stop playing… but please tell me your name.

I remember the smiles you used to bring
How come you suddenly changed everything?
I searched for someone that can take your place,
I failed… your memory I can’t erase

For some reason, there are no stars tonight
I miss you … it’s wrong but it feels so right
No matter what I do, I’m still too far
Please… I need to know who you really are.


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comments? suggestions? violent reactions?
keep em coming
bullets and pills,
~fairytalexuntold
#2
For my violent reaction, I'll tell you what parts I liked and what parts I didn't.
For some reason, I just can’t sleep tonight
As if a princess waiting for her knight

I remember the songs we used to sing
But now it felt that they just said nothing
Coz suddenly you stopped singing along

For some reason, there are no stars tonight

Now, there's originality in these, which means you just wrote them,
but the rest of this song doesn't feel original.
What I mean to say is, the lines I didn't include above gave me the impression that, consciously or not, you wrote them the way you think lyrics should be, which rarely results in anything but a top 40 hit (it's a sad world we live in).

Don't worry so much on the rhyming or "being deep" or whatever. Forget everything you ever learned about writing and just write whatever the hell you want. That's how you end up with the pretty lines in the quote box up there