#1


When in summer light I strolled, step
by step. When in fading-light I walked
the streets, left and right. When men in
offices worked in shirt-sleeves and talked
for a minute or two. When I ran and
caught the evening tram, with blue
posters of late-night theatre shows,
(peeling advertisements I suppose)
when the wind sighed and leaned
against my body, like a welcome old
friend, a comforting presence
arriving unannounced. When a
beggar came upon me and rustled
his dirty tin. Let me begin:

Old man
I see your face strewn in empty
rooms, park signs, used lace
I see your face in the city, blown
black and white, thou shalt forget
‘to be’ but you might wander
and drift aimlessly in dead hours. So guide
me through the labyrinth; the endless
days. Tell me that this is not a sign, when a
slouched figure hammers nails into a wooden
floor, when darkness grips an ill child or when
a mother washes out a lazy mouth with soap
“I’ll teach you manners, I’ll curb that language”
the bins are inside, the table is set, the knifes
are sharp, the plates are clean, the chores are
done. So where to begin?

Coltrane’s thirds rise and fall, the cadence beckons,
the denouement is reached. In a moment, time
will stand still. Reassure me stranger: I was
trying to appear rushed, or composed, instead
I find myself rattling coins inside your coveted
used tin. So I turn and meet you – face to face.
the warm gesture of your eyes, a sheer fortune
of worth, when a tale told around me ‘signifies nothing’

Only remembered comforts:

There is love that is worn on living skin,
There is people to take solace from when
In our time of need, there is someone
To put the kettle on:“Are you awake?”

“I have never been more alive in my entire life.”
#2
I very much had to read this again for this to begin to sink in, which by no means is a bad thing. You had perfect control with the tone and how you effortlessly shifted between each scene made it feel like they were all happening at once; that takes special skills. Everything you have been hinted at since when you started here really came into full-force in this piece, and I am very proud to finally see it from you. Absolutely brilliant, but I am not too sure about the phrase, 'Coltrain's thirds', it read a bit awkwardly, but if you see no problem with it then you should definitely keep it. The subtle rhumes and magnificent flow of this piece was very inspiring and masterful, by your part. Also, I should add that 'thou shalt' was a bit to archaic for it to work with the modern picture that this piece conveys.

I have to say, this is the best piece I have read from you thus far (and the best piece I have read here in the past month or so), and a true stepping-stone that I feel you should use for your future pieces. Well done, Matt. Keep it up... soon enough I will have to start keeping up.
Last edited by Bleed Away at Jan 16, 2011,
#4
I really like this. There were parts that seemed 'archaic', but i don't mind.

i'm listening to a love supreme right now. i think i get what you mean.