#1
Hi all,

Following is a song i wrote sometime back... hope you guys will like it. PLease post critics also, it'll help me improve...

Enchants of an Angel


[Verse 1]
Stop playing games with me;
I can still die for you.
Help me; I am still enslaved,
It’s Like digging my own grave.

[Verse 2]
Shouldn’t be doing this,
But I have a heart that beats.
What have you done,
should have shot me with a gun.

[Chorus]
GET OUT…. GET OUT…
Get out of my head,
still I can hear…
What all you said.

[Bridge]
Enslaved in love I was
you were my angel
now a BITCH is all you are
I was blind in your love.

[Verse 3]
U stole someone else’s love,
won’t be able to love again.
Heart weeps tears of blood,
for mistakes I have done.

[Chorus]
GET OUT…. GET OUT…
Get out of my head,
still I can hear…
What all you said.
#2
Okay, well I'd like to give you some constructive criticism.. but it's going to be hard not to sound harsh with this one.. it's pretty crappy.

Quote by codemastersnake
Hi all,


Enchants of an Angel 'Enchants' is a verb.. try something like enchantments


[Verse 1]
Stop playing games with me;
I can still die for you. I like the first two lines
Help me; I am still enslaved,
It’s Like digging my own grave.

[Verse 2]
Shouldn’t be doing this,
But I have a heart that beats.
What have you done,
should have shot me with a gun. This is just a bad forced rhyme

[Chorus]
GET OUT…. GET OUT…
Get out of my head,
still I can hear…
What all you said. Bad grammar

[Bridge]
Enslaved in love I was More bad grammar, c'mon man, unless you sound like yoda this will never work
you were my angel
now a BITCH is all you are
I was blind in your love.

[Verse 3]
U stole someone else’s love,
won’t be able to love again.
Heart weeps tears of blood,
for mistakes I have done. ..you don't 'do' mistakes, you make them

[Chorus]
GET OUT…. GET OUT…
Get out of my head,
still I can hear…
What all you said.



There are many, many more mistakes.. sorry to say, but, this is really bad... Go read some books, poems and songs. Try to get a feel for it.. Right now you're a bad lyricist.
I was in the same situation, wrote something, posted it, got an array of negative crit from the other UGers. But it helped.. So please don't hold it against me, rather do some research, write something amazing and prove me wrong.
#3
Hi Purplebear,

Thanks for the critics...

I like writing and has been doing it for quite a sometime... then I realized that there is so much more into it than some random words...

I posted this piece just because of this reason only, I want to know where I suck so I can improve.. I think a lot has to be learned...

I'll definitely ping you when I'll write something good...

One question though, I like rock, metal music.. I want to write like they (metallica, kurt, korn) write.. can you suggest me something, or I should first get the basics in place?

I appreciate your critics
#4
Ahh, that's good, I felt like a douche when I wrote my comments. Anyway, first, I think you should get the basics down. But try writing something with a progressive story.