#1
Hey guys, this is the first song that I have written that I am really proud of. It is more of a technical death metal thing, but I would really appreciate some feedback.

The Martyr of Reason

The noose is around my neck
But I won't hang for you
The lies you've woven
Will not blind me of the truth
You words are nothing
Meaningless rantings
Yet they praise them like the fools they are

Climb down from the corpses
With which you forged your throne
Watch as I tear apart
Your world of lies and bones

Cut the rope of holy lies
With my knife of reason
I show them the beast you are
And I become the demon
Thrown to the wolves
Left to die
I curse them with my dying breath

In my memory
My message lives
Giving birth to your doom

You can't escape your fate
You will reap what you have sewn

Deluded masses fabricate the world before their very eyes
Corrupted minds will reign until the end of time
Lies woven from the thread of human life
Fills the life of man with endless pain and strife

Climb down from the corpses
With which you forged your throne
Watch as I tear apart
Your world of lies and bones

Long after my final moments
My face haunts your dreams
The fallacy with which you reigned
Falls apart at the seams
Even in death
The martyr lives
And watches as you fall

#2
Are you an Atheist? Considering that line about cutting through the holy lies with a knife?

It sounded good, reminded me of the At The Gates Song World of Lies and Carpathian Forest's Song World of Bones. With the line, World of Lies and Bones.
#3
Yes, I am an atheist. However, that line doesn't necessarily have to be interpreted as Christianity or any other existing religion. I wrote this song with the intent of it being seen possibly as a tale of one man and his endeavors to topple his religious leader, or as a metaphor for the destruction of religion.
#4
I can see that, what type of genre is this supposed to be? Death Metal? You going for a Machine Head type vibe? Its well written, but I stay away from songs with anti God/religion lyrics, which is why I only listen to a few black Metal bands, such as Primordial and Immortal, I listen to a lot of Unblackmetal because I don't got to worry about satanic lyrics(and I am not saying your song sounds satanic, it simply sounds Atheist).
#5
nicely done, man.
Intense, very good
Gear:
Epiphone SG Special
Peavy Vypyr amp

Been Playing Every day since July 30th, 2009.
No lessons, only the ones provided here at Ultimate Guitar.
#6
Sorry it took so long to respond, issues with my internet. It is going for death metal, technical death metal depending on how the riffs come out. I have always loved the technical side of it, but I'm not going to force it to be one genre or another, I want it to sound natural. And I appreciate you commenting despite your beliefs, it's nice to see people being tolerant of another's beliefs.
#7
Hey we have the same favorite Guitarists, Alexi Laiho, Dave Mustaine, and Chuck Schuldiner. I also put Vortex(From Dimmu Borgir) as my favorite Bassist.
#8
Sweet dude! It's always cool to see people with the same taste in music. And at the time I wrote that list, I don't think I listened to Dimmu Borgir. That and I never bothered to learn the name of most bassists
#9
In the Live performances Shagrath will shout out "Votrex" when he wants him to sing, like in the Live Kings of the Carnival Creation, its a shame Shagrath kicked Vortex and one of the other guys out of the band.
#10
Yeah, it does suck he got kicked. Then Snowy I believe his name is joined for one day and then left. That was just dumb. Unfortunately, I've never seen them live, bands don't make it a habit to come to South Carolina, and especially not Charleston. It sucks pretty hard. Anyway, do you have any songs up that you would like me to crit?
#15
Quote by TheRavager
Hey guys, this is the first song that I have written that I am really proud of. It is more of a technical death metal thing, but I would really appreciate some feedback.

The Martyr of Reason

The noose is around my neck
But I won't hang for you
The lies you've wovenI really like how you have used ideas and words that can have to do with a "noose/rope" throughout the piece, just something I noticed and I liked. In example words like Noose,woven, seams, rope, etc.
Will not blind me of the truth
You words are nothing
Meaningless rantings
Yet they praise them like the fools they are

Climb down from the corpses
With which you forged your throne
Watch as I tear apart
Your world of lies and bones

Cut the rope of holy lies
With my knife of reason
I show them the beast you are
And I become the demon
Thrown to the wolves
Left to die
I curse them with my dying breath

In my memory
My message lives
Giving birth to your doom

You can't escape your fate
You will reap what you have sewnReminds me of the story of "Oedipus Rex"

Deluded masses fabricate the world before their very eyes
Corrupted minds will reign until the end of time
Lies woven from the thread of human life
Fills the life of man with endless pain and strifeThis stanza is amaizing!

Climb down from the corpses
With which you forged your throne
Watch as I tear apart
Your world of lies and bones

Long after my final moments
My face haunts your dreams
The fallacy with which you reigned
Falls apart at the seams
Even in death
The martyr lives
And watches as you fallStrong finish!




Really like it man, very good. Thanks again for the comment on mine
#17
Pretty damn good man
Guitars:
-Gibson Les Paul Custom Shop Silverburst (Invader/'59)
-Ovation ApplauseAE44II Elite Black Acoustic


Amps/Cabs
-Peavey 6505+ Head
Orange PPC2x12 Cab Black
-Behringer Ultracoustic ACX450 1x8 Acoustic Combo


Wayyyyy too many effects pedals...
#18
Its well written, and all flows really well. Good imagery. Death metal isn't really my pot of soup. Not a big fan on the content of it, but your writing is good. Well done
MIM Tele
Fender Blues Jr NOS
Schecter Omen 6
Squier Strat
Greg Bennett Acoustic
other crap...
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