#1
12/3/06

Well, a good friend told me that it would be a good idea to
keep a journal because it's good to put your feelings down on paper,
to be honest I feel kinda weird doing this but here goes I guess
I was driving home from work today, thought I would
stop by the Super Target and get some toilet paper
and some condoms just in case anyone decided to drop by tonight,
but anyway as I walked back to the section with the toilet paper
(what would that section even be called?)
I must have gone astray,
because I looked over and saw bears.
They were up on a shelf, they were brown and
they looked pretty harmless, as bears go,
so I picked a couple up and put them in my cart.
They were nice little bears and surprisingly they didn't
seem to mind being in my cart too much. I think one was a brown bear and the other
was a black bear.
I completely forgot about the toilet paper, remembered the condoms though
and got a new toothbrush and an old Clint Eastwood movie,
you know, the one that's an old western and he's a pretty badass gunslinger
and he gets in all these duels and stuff. Maybe I'll watch it later, it's
just so much better than his most recent movie. He's old. One day I'll be old,
one day I'll die, won't I...?

12/10/06
My bears have been behaving pretty well,
I feed them meat. I named one Russ and the other
Harry which I figure is pretty clever because bears are hairy.
Maybe I should spell it hairy instead of harry. Or it could be barry
because it rhymes with harry and hairy. Whatever, I'm sure
he wouldn't appreciate a name change. Anyway, I've been pretty bored
the last couple days because I have had some time off work,
I decided that if I deep-fried another tortilla chip I would go crazy,
so I told my boss my mother died and have just kinda been watching
Jerry Springer and playing Solitaire, and hanging out with
my bears. Sometimes it seems like they want to play
Solitaire with me,
but they have no thumbs.

12/25/06
Its chrsitmads and im drukn. my bearsarew all i have ot keep me companyy.
smoetimes I think about lisa adn wish she wsaa here but hses gone, allll gonewq
all gonee
gone shhes'';,.-e3
gone> so thers no reasaojn
tomwo wory abuot eher,


1/7/07
I found another bear today,
he was laying in the gutter on some random dark street
where he bled and the dirty rainwater in the gutter bled into him,
I thought that dirty rainwater must make him so sad,
dirtying up his heart when it passed through and I picked him
up and took him home and
cleaned him,
I put him with the other bears in the special room I made for them.
I realized that by the time I was done with him I had missed
work.

1/8/07
They fired me. I told Josh and Russ and Harry about
it, and they said not to worry about it,
now I would have more time to spend with them.
They said they wanted a juicer
so I scrounged up some money and bought them
one, and some carrots to make carrot juice
although I wasn't aware that bears even liked carrots.

1/23/07
Tuesday I bought seven more bears from Target, the next day I found two of them
laying around in a garbage can.
I now have 12 bears. It's quite a few,
but they all seem to be getting along
and they are enjoying their carrot juice. They are getting
kinda demanding, though.

1/29/07
Remember how I said the bears were getting demanding?
Well, my dearest Journal,
they keep sending me to Target or Wal Mart
to buy them things. I bought them a Rambo movie,
they made me throw out the Clint Eastwood one
that I bought like two months ago,
they said it sucks. I kinda enjoyed it though,
I'll miss it. Rambo is overrated. They also made me
buy a foot massager. I don't know why,
they won't tell me.

2/14/07
Lisa loved bears. Maybe she will come back
and see my bear collection. I must have over 100 now..

3/5/07
I swear, I am getting ten new bears a day. I sold my car
because the bears are making me buy so many things.
I had a pretty nice watch that I pawned too so I could
buy them some workout DVDs. I got yoga and
they said no and made me go back
but I have to ride my bike to Target now becasue I have no
car so I argued and they eventually won. I
got them Kenpo and they were satisfied.

3/22/07
It's my birthday but they
wouldn't let me go out to celebrate.
I don't think I've left my house except to go to
Target in months.
I get about 10 new bears a day now,
they are everywhere. They took over my bed
so now I sleep on the couch.
I'm afraid they'll take that too.

4/19/07
A girl scout came today selling cookies.
I love tagalongs but before I could order
she ran away.
I guess the bears scared her.
Anyway, I'm not sure if they know I'm
keeping a journal about them and
they might get mad so I gotta go.

4/26/07
Bears are angry,
one tried to bite me yesterday
This is getting out of control
I gotta do something, maybe
I should

5/13/07
Bike broke and
they punished me because I didn't go get them
their monthly Shampoo.

5/30/07
I called Orkin, the pest removal guys.
Don't tell the bears,
they might get an

6/3/07
THEY HID IN MY FUCKING SHOES
I TRIED TO PUT MY SHOES ON AND THEY
FUCKING
ATTACKED MY FEET

6/13/07
they wont get out of my shoes,
they wont quit gnawing at my feet
why the hell did lisa like bears?
they are so annoying,
and these ones are becoming ferocious

7/
I forgot the date,
I'm not even sure if it's July yet
but anyway
the Orkin man FINALLY came today,
I told him there were bears everywhere
and he came in
and said "what the HELL?"
"Man, you got socks everywhere...
there must be 5,000 socks.."
He left, he didn't get rid of the bears
and I don't even see any socks anywhere
that dude wasn't a very good exterminator.
Still scared the bears will find out about my Journal.


7/24(?)/0
The bears did it,
they ate me.
I'm dead now and
I don't think I'll ever be alive again,
while they were eating me
Lisa came to my house.
She knocked on the door and said
"Eric!" and i heard her say my name,
I heard her say my name,
she said it and she was alive
and she was there,
I promise you
but the bears were eating me
and Russ hopped up and said
"She's next" and that hurt worse
than them eating me,
they started at my toes and went up
and I didn't die until they got to my stomach
I just wanted to scream to Lisa and
ask why
she had to
leave,
but the bears
had gagged me
and now I'm dead and she said my name
and I never got to say it back,
so now I'm dead and she's alive,
at least someone is alive
to take care of my bears,
they would go crazy if they were
left
alone.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
Last edited by Ganoosh at Sep 20, 2010,
#3
respect.

I've been hittin up these forums for a year now, and this is the best shit ive seen.
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.
Last edited by PCADriven at Sep 15, 2010,
#5
"I completely forgot about the toilet paper, remembered the condoms though"

I chuckled when I read that.

This is great. A couple of the line breaks threw me off but that's probably just me.
#6
Marvelous, just marvelous. The sense of urgency and comical fashion you portrayed his insanity was great. I loved it , I really did
#7
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#8
Thanks for reading guys, I love all of you.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#9
me especially
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#10
this is remarkable. seriously one of the most fascinating reads i've seen in a while.
#11
It was strange... but that being said, I loved every bit of it.

Amazing *ponders this*

I don't know how, but it was well done.


Quote by Våd Hamster
Find a dice and assign a number to each girl. Throw the dice.


The number you hope for at the moment you throw the dice, is the one you'll want to keep.
#12
pretty good read. very original writing, for the most part. in the beginning, the condom bit and ect. came off cheesy/unoriginal and seemed to fail to paint a picture of the character. otherwise though, very nice work. i quite enjoyed it.
#14
wow...
MIM Tele
Fender Blues Jr NOS
Schecter Omen 6
Squier Strat
Greg Bennett Acoustic
other crap...
If seeing is believing...

...Then believe that we have lost our eyes!!
#17
This seems like a bad diary entry; couldn't even get past the first three lines. You need to try to perfect your 'obscure' writing that you seem to enjoy writing except this time give it a concrete story, develope your ideas beyond random enjambments and phrases. As it is, you haven't developed as much as you should have, in terms of skills. Personally, I would advice you to learn to write more traditionally (learn the rules) before you try to break them, as cliche as it may sound. Experimentation isn't really experimentation when you haven't mastered the basics (because once you do, you will know exactly what direction you would want to take your poems.) Your ideas will become less limited and gimmicky.

I am certainly not feeling this piece, but I have read some good potential from you in the past. Give my advice a try, if you haven't already because as it stands you aren't really growing, which is a shame. This piece just seems like you have given up and just started writing like everybody else here at UG.
#19
I don't know about this.

I don't know if people who dig this innocent nostalgic fantasy are people who have experienced this idea of loneliness, or that their own childhood was hard. I'm not sure if people like this because it feels 'real' or is an eye-opener.

All I know is I could not get into this, because the way it was constructed felt so restrained just like the narrative, and it doesn't matter what the subject matter is, the execution of this lacked the depth or substance it needed to hit home. In terms of writing it felt thin, the voice is fragile but you only really exploited that to mere frustration and the inevitable cliches.

And I agree I have read much better from you, in terms of how you structure you work. I admire your ability to experiment but something is missing here, keep pushing yourself as a writer. This just feels like you're giving up.
#20
What I enjoyed about it, specifically, was the build up and the tension. Many phrases and 'entries' were awkward and perhaps unnecessary, but the overall sturcture of the piece is fantastic in that it takes you for a ride - like speeding down a dirt road in the rain - incredibly fun, a little bumpy, you might even catch a little air, but you just keep going until you take a turn too fast and the car almost flips - but in the end, you're okay, the climax has passed, and the car is only missing a couple of diaphanous parts. And, what happened? It was a blast. That's what reading this was like.
#21
Quote by Bleed Away
This seems like a bad diary entry; couldn't even get past the first three lines. You need to try to perfect your 'obscure' writing that you seem to enjoy writing except this time give it a concrete story, develope your ideas beyond random enjambments and phrases. As it is, you haven't developed as much as you should have, in terms of skills. Personally, I would advice you to learn to write more traditionally (learn the rules) before you try to break them, as cliche as it may sound. Experimentation isn't really experimentation when you haven't mastered the basics (because once you do, you will know exactly what direction you would want to take your poems.) Your ideas will become less limited and gimmicky.

I am certainly not feeling this piece, but I have read some good potential from you in the past. Give my advice a try, if you haven't already because as it stands you aren't really growing, which is a shame. This piece just seems like you have given up and just started writing like everybody else here at UG.
How are you going to critique the lack of story and development after reading three lines of the first journal entry?
#22
in response to bleed_aways post-

ganoosh, fu.ck the 'rules' and the 'basics'. the idea that there are 'rules' and 'basics' is why so much writing on here is below average, especially the 'deeper', 'darker', and 'metaphorical' writing. keep doing what you're doing. there is no format to follow, there are no real 'skills' to develop. progress your thoughts. progress your identity. progress your emotions, and your writing will surely progress (as it definitely has, which is why i am posting this because i would hate to see someone with talent like yours attempt to become 'traditional' and 'basic'). writers constant need to coincide their poetry with any sort of traditional poetry, or to follow that format, is why i hate most poetry. its all technique with no real feeling.

you feel, and thats what i like about you.

forget the poetry regulators, the ones who standardize creativity. be yourself. all poetry should be an experiment. i don't believe there to be 'experimental' poetry, and i think its stupid to believe in that. there are no experimental feelings, just different words/ways to use to express them.

sorry for a semi-rant. this is just how i feel. i don't want to see a creative writer who has so much to offer try to follow any format that may limit the beauty he/she has to present to the world.
Last edited by rushmore at Sep 18, 2010,
#24
completely agree with rushmore.

i enjoy reading your poems because they aren't "traditional". i don't understand "traditional" poetry and i usually take nothing from them. i am inspired by your poems because you present your feelings in "untraditional" ways, and something about that resonates with me.

keep doing you.
here, My Dear, here it is
#26
While I can't refute the originality and creativeness of this peice, I just found it a bit hard to relate to. The bit about him buying condoms in the beginning, and then going crazy over a girl leaving? Didn't seem to add up.

Don't take my comment the wrong way. My inability to relate to the character is moreso my fault than the writer's. I just couldn't connect to the story beyond the obvious theme of loneliness and desperation.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#27
I'll rephrase what I was trying to say:

Ganoosh: I usually enjoy your poetry, because it is original and has a great sense of movement, not just physically but also mentally and emotionally. It's like each stanza/volta is a new train and progression of thought and this allows you to connect well with the reader. It's also very honest so we understand you as a writer personally. Yet I'm sure we both know that the 'basics' will not stylistically help your artistic merit as you're a very abstract/post-modernist writer, however the thing I felt was missing from this piece was a sense of direction. Maybe that was the point, but I felt you were lost among the narrative and that motif of the bears just represented that dis-connection with 'reality.' It needed some guidance to lift it beyond, the 'angsty teen diary.' I enjoyed that aspect of it, but the fact that it was the crux of the piece, and that it remained as face-value did nothing for me.

That's why I think if you consider the 'basics' in how a piece is formed in terms of structure and narrative than you will find you can better exploit your creativity and make better use of it, not receding into monotonous images of nostalgia.

I also think Rushmore is missing the point, in terms of 'experimentation' I could't care less what form or style it is written in, as long as it is cohesive and works as a collection of words. I really think there is no progression with this piece, as it is 'all technique with no real feeling'

As harsh as this is, I know Ganoosh has written much stronger pieces in terms of progressing his ideas, this really wasn't that bad but the fact so much attention has been drawn to this is making me be honest about his writing.
#29
Oopsie. Yeah I kinda wrote this in a hurry and it shows all over the place if you look hard enough.

Anyways, I want to thank all of you guys for reading this. I don't know nor do I understand why this got as much attention as it did, but regardless I'm grateful that you all bothered to read and I am glad that you enjoyed it.

On the topic of my writing style, this is possibly the most structured and organized piece I have ever written whether it seems like it or not. Also, a large amount of my pieces are just words that my subconscious thinks are pretty, strung together to resemble the ocean or a bumblebee or an oil pool or someone's eyes or your kidneys being clawed out. The thing I love about poetry and about literature(I would hardly call my writing literature, mind you) is it's ability to take shape in the readers mind in whatever way it chooses to manifest itself, and the role imagination plays in the reading of a piece. More important than the imagination of the writer is the imagination of the reader. I think it's fascinating how different people have different experiences with a certain word and so get a different feeling out of it, and when you string enough of them together they can transform themselves from person to person. I write templates and I let the words do whatever. You fill in the blanks. When I don't write like that, I write like shit. I can't write with any sort of structure or it turns out shit. shitty shitty shit. It's more about the feeling of the words for me.

But anyway, that's why I write the way I do most of the time.

I guess the reason this actually worked as a more structured piece is that this is the first time I have been so emotionally attached to a character, though it may not show much in the piece. And maybe the reason you thought this was so unstructured was the attempt at structure, whereas my usual stuff has no structure and you didn't notice the lack of cohesiveness because it didn't exist in the first place. Or something.

But anyway, I thank all of you guys so much. And I repeat: More important than the imagination of the author is the imagination of the reader.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black