#1
(Verse 1)
And as he stood beside himself,
lost, alone, scared and needing help.
He turned his head up toward the empty sky
And all that he could ask was "why?"

(Pre-Chorus)
And hes not going down without a fight...

(Chorus)
So he ran faster and faster
his heart, a disater.
Now hes trying and trying,
but inside, hes dying.
He shot and he scored,
and the crowd how it roared.
Hes playing for more than one this time,
hes in his own private stop time...

(Verse 2)
So hold your head up, dont look down
The bottoms dark, thats where you'll drown.
We know your hurt and thats ok,
Time will heal your wounds one day.

(Bridge)
Broken records saying "to stay strong,"
Well that doesn't help when somethings wrong.
You've lost something and now its gone,
But believe me bro youll carry on.

(Pre-Chorus)
And hes not going down without a fight...

(Chorus) X2
So he ran faster and faster
his heart, a disater.
Now hes trying and trying,
but inside, hes dying.
He shot and he scored,
and the crowd how it roared.
Hes playing for more than one this time,
hes in his own private stop time...

(Outro)
Believe me Matty B,
Your gonna lead his legacy.
#2
I don't like the line "believe me bro" or "believe me Matty B."

It makes it repetitive, and both lines are just... lame. Trust me, I don't mean to sound rude, but that's the nicest way to put it.

The rest of the piece isn't too bad though. However, the use of "He shot and he scored / and the crowd how it roared" in the chorus doesn't flow with the tone of the rest of the song. And "He's playing for more than one this time" doesn't make sense to me. I'd try a little harder to make the entire song fit one theme, as you seem to lose focus and go off on tangents. Not all bad, but could be better.

Crit mine please.
That Cheap Fucking Smile Carries You To Bed

Those Lips Are Social Suicide But I Just Wanna See You Dead.
#3
Quote by dethskar0
I don't like the line "believe me bro" or "believe me Matty B."

It makes it repetitive, and both lines are just... lame. Trust me, I don't mean to sound rude, but that's the nicest way to put it.

The rest of the piece isn't too bad though. However, the use of "He shot and he scored / and the crowd how it roared" in the chorus doesn't flow with the tone of the rest of the song. And "He's playing for more than one this time" doesn't make sense to me. I'd try a little harder to make the entire song fit one theme, as you seem to lose focus and go off on tangents. Not all bad, but could be better.

Crit mine please.


Its because its about a friend of mine who lost his dad a few days ago. and hes an amazing soccer player. im not just saying that, i mean the kid ****ing played a soccer game the day after his dad died just cause his whole family is that dedicated to the sport. his name is matt b. not trying to disprove your critique, just explaining why i said that. the kid and his dad lived and breathed soccer. so the other night he played that game for his dad. our whole town came out to support him and a lot of people thought he played one of the best games theyve ever seen him play. this isnt just your typical varsity soccer jock. this kid was like ranked "most goals" in last years varsity season for our district. i only felt like relating it to soccer would be appropriot.