Hey everybody, I haven't had time to write anything until recently (and even then, not much), but I did find time to put together this song. I'm trying to one-up "Defining A Heavenly Body" (my last song), but I don't think I'm quite getting it done. This would also be the 3rd complete song on my album I'm trying to make that'll probably take years: "A Secular God" is it's tentative title.

I'm not too sure about the transitions at Bars 18 and 100... how are they? If they're bad, any advice on improving them?

I also feel this song contains my BEST solo yet. Any comments on it appreciated!

And, of course, comment on anything you'd like to comment on!

C4C, course. The bigger yours is, the bigger mine is.

A God Given Body (Ver. 2).zip
Last edited by DiminishedFifth at Sep 17, 2010,
I know it doesn't help much, but I liked everything. I didn't notice anything bad about bars 18 and 100, they seem fine to me. The guitar solo is fantastic, that echo effect is very cool. I wouldn't change anything, great job.
New To Town With A Made Up Name

In The Angel's City

Chasing Fortune And Fame
This sounds quite familiar; given that it's ver 2, you must have posted the first one a bit back. I'm trying to recall the original, but I'm not too sure.

You'll have to clarify on that.

Listening to the song, I was wondering why there were no drums.
Then I turned them up.

I must say, the percussion really is the backbone of music. I enjoyed the song for it's ambiance, but it lacked drive.
With the drums in place, it felt more focused.

The electric piano thing at bar 58 was unsettling. I liked it quite a bit.

Bar 68 7ths were kinda lacking. I think the straight 16ths in the first measure of the riff give the assumption that something more groovy is gunna happen.
I think it might be due to listening to Progbass' pieces as well though.
No, it's not just that. I went through this section again once the song was over, and I heard the backing rhythm pulsing through. I think it would work out better if you had the lead follow along for effect.

Guitar solo was pleasant.

Main theme (The circle continues) was nice as well.

Moments like the ones at 102 should happen a bit more often; the distorted guitars cut through perfectly.
I guess it did, during the 1st chorus.
Must have missed it because of the drums being turned down. Huh.

I like this song, but the ambiance is really thick at times. It makes it difficult to access; if that was your intention, more power to you.
Yeah, I posted the first 2 minutes of it about a week ago, cause I wasn't sure if I liked it or not and wanted people opinions.

I ended up turning up the drums to 16 after you mentioned they were low in the mix... I didn't even notice it (probably cause I was focusing on them a lot of the time).

I tried the thing you mentioned at Bar 68, and I like it. Thanks man.

It's interesting how you mention the ambiance is really thick... I started off with this song trying NOT to be ambient and I thought I accomplished that too! Turns out I was wrong!
Whew, what a ride. Now that I've listened to it once, I shall do so again and comment as I am listening.

In general I feel that this is your best work I have yet to hear, though. This is helped by the fact that is so thematically CLEAR. I can understand the structure from one listen, the important melodies stick with me and once this is accomplished, you as a composer have a lot of room with experimentation in rhythm, mood and atmosphere.

Bar 18 is absolutely fine! It's a bit of a sudden conclusion, but one that makes sense totally in the context of the mood.
However, the chords that follow... these epic string backed chords demand more space than the measly 4 bars you give them. The chorus follows a bit too soon. Perhaps you need to resolve those chords a bit more, have a silence-esque moment and THEN suddenly break in with the (more) violent chorus.

The chorus is the only bit, I have to say that didn't totally excite me, actually, oddly enough. Not that it isn't a very good riff, it just lacks something. Sorry, I can't be of more help, as I have no idea what that might be.

Verse 2 really pics up the pace, for me, however. I'm really digging the odd rhythms and blues guitars as well as the dissonant rhodes piano on the background. It's quite appropriate that it takes over. It perhaps goes on a bit too long, though.

In the "idk" section I feel you could have even boldly emphasized the extremely dissonant 2 keyboards more than you did. Since the rest of the instrumentarium is pretty coherent, so it would even work during the guitar solo perhaps?

The guitar solo IS very moody. I guess you weren't going for a very melodic solo. From bar 80 I kept expecting the Rhodes pianos to make their return... sadly they didn't.

And the circle continues brings a very nice conclusion and an "end" feel to the piece. I love the reprises.

Bar 100-101 is fine too. At least it seems so... again it kind of draws your ear in one direction, but you bring it to another. I sort of start expecting a chromatically down-spiraling harmonic cycle that would resolve the piece, but you instead simply insert another riff. It's not out of place however - these kinds of chromatic harmonic passages are often used in the end of some classical piece, so it creates the right expectations of an ending.

Overall, very impressed with this. Certainly a much more mature work than some of your earlier ones.

* * *

C4C? No pressure though. And you might not like it - I remember you commenting on my earlier pieces that it was too random. This one is even more so.

Hark! Is that a mellotron I hear?
Well, first off...I don't like it when people do djent in tunings higher than Drop Bb, but that's personal preference, and I will not allow this to bias my crit. And it's still awesome, because it's a weird tuning.

The clean guitar melody at the beginning...I liked the first two bars, but the 3rd and 4th, where it goes to Dm...the sound of that was not particularly enjoyable, although that chord change ONLY bothered me with that particular melody.
I have no idea how exactly anyone might play that chord in bar 14, but I'm terrible at guitar so that might be why.
The minor 2nd harmonizing at bar 16 is amazing.
The transition worked VERY well, IMO.
You can take the ? off of the "Chorus?" section as well I think, since I'm not sure what else that riff could be. It's got that "chorusy" feel to it, whatever that means.
I was a bit surprised at the breakdown having only two bars of guitar, but I actually liked it, cuz the synth lead over the bass...was awesome. AND THEN IT GOT EVEN BETTER (gasp!) when you harmonized it with a minor 2nd again.

The solo...I liked it, but I don't really have any idea if it's your best simply because I haven't heard much of your work.

The outro was actually my favorite part, (and I mean that in a good way), I loved the synth lead...I'm not sure how to word it, but the whole time I was thinking "I just listened to a ridiculously epic song." So I'd give a 9/10.
@ Yechar: About the chorus, I think it was the fact that the drive is there the entire time. I took your advice and added a bit of "silence-esque" right before it, and I liked it a lot.

In the "idk" section I originally had the two rhodes at the forefront, but it detracted away from everything else. I also tried it in the solo and after the solo... it didn't sound as good as it SEEMS like it would in your head.

The outro I wanted to do the chromatically descending thing! I really did! But I already have a piece (on the same album, no less) that's intro descends chromatically, so I had to throw that idea

Thank you for the great crit! I'll get back to you, promise. It might be awhile, but I will (I did listen, and enjoy, the newer piece of yours). I do have to ask though... how long have you been listening to my stuff?

@Ginsu: Hahaha if i could, I'd have an 8-string in step down tuning

Yeah, the first chord change is a bit awkward, but it has to be there to set the pace for the rest of the song. I sympathize with you on that. Thank you for the crit!

Electronic Intro was just really nice, the whole bars of 7/4 with the chord, and a nice little lead at bar 8

The verse continues it, and the keyboards really enhance it. although sudden, i got used to the chords at 18, theyre okay for a great transition to the chorus. Oh have I said the drums and bass are both really tight? Well they are.

I loved the first two bars of chorus, but the second two seemed to have a strange rhythm (and i love strange rhythms but it kinda ruined the flow of a great chorus). For bar 25, I put the tie at the beginning as an eigth note and then then second to last chord as an eight note. Its up to you though.

I really like that the 2nd verse left out the distorted guitars the first time, and changed them to clean ones the second time, it allows you to soak in the drums and bass. The beginning of Verse 2-B was awesome on the bass, and the basicness of the drums (or basic compared to the rest haha) helped it too. The tapping parts and the rhodes both added a really beautiful effect to it.

I dont know how I feel about the gap where its only the Rhodes, perhaps Id like it better if it just went straight into the next part (but im just one person). And the next part: "Idk whats happening", neither do I but its pretty sweet. The strings helped too and once the guitar chords came in i was successfully "wtf"d. Maybe throw some delay on them chords.

The chugging part was great, I could definitely tell something would come out of it.

And something definitely did, a Petrucci-esque solo. And even if you hate Petrucci, thats still a compliment haha. It was just too short. I really think that if you doubled that section, i wouldnt get bored, maybe double it, and add a rhodes the second half, or a nice melody the second half ahhh my imagination is getting away from me. As it is, its still a really nice fitting solo.

The Circle Continues was just as good this time. It leads fine into the Final Verse, which seems to be the same as Ive heard before. The section leading into the chorus? : I cant decide if I like better played twice (like the first time) or just once, because it seems to hop into chorus suddenly while still remaining smooth and natural.

The chorus is the same as before.

Loved the ending (I recognize that pattern and that chord haha it really seems like a full circle now)

Well, I really hate writing all this but not really offering you some constructive criticism and anything to help you learn :/ Would it make you feel better if I told you that I thought it was really good? Ahh because the best advice I can give is to make the tracks pretty colors LOL. I mean you already have a sweet name...
well firstly thankyou for the crit

wow. this a bit intense harmonically!
7/4 sounds tight, well pulled off, not at all jerky. i think perhaps you could drop into the first verse a little harder, or maybe that's just the hardcore kid in me wanting it all br00tal.

the prechorus/chorus sound a bit over jazzy for me. i like the drumming, and the rhythms, but i think your chord progression in the chorus lacks coherence.

verse 2 is nice. chilling

breakdown? yes, wtf is going on??? i like it. maybe have a guitar doubling the bass very quietly, nice djenty muted-ness?

nice drumming in 'idk whats happening' , but i don't like the b2 nds in the keys. sounds too... emmure.

what a guitar solo. i really struggle with changing chord bases for solos, i just end up making a dissonant rootless mess. this one really works.

final verse is nice, the tripleted Eb and C's are nice in bar 97 though i think i'd have 3 tripleted 16th notes and a quaver insteaded of the tripletted quaver C's.

overall, a good song. i think this piece has stronger melody/harmony than rhythm, so it doesn't feel particularly 'heavy', and you a have very unsettling chord progressions. the jazzyness makes it unique, but not really all that catchy for me. i like it, on an intellectual level, but to be honest i don't think i'd have it on to chill out to. Amazing writing skills though, you have impressive control over inferred roots and shit like that!
'If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music.' Albert Einstein
Critting as I listen.

Nice clean intro, sounds like a good buildup. Very interesting djent you have here in the first heavy part. Well-placed bends. I enjoy the creative use of dissonance you have going here, a lot of people here that try to use it just fail at it. You did it well.

I also really like the varied rhythms you use in the riff.

I think that rhodes break lasts a TINY bit too long, but when you introduce the other parts on top of it, it pulls it together a lot more.

Oh. man that guitar solo kicks ****ing ass. Sinister, unrelenting, and very Faceless-esque.

Very nice, repeating thematic material. Next section is unremarkable, but not in a bad way. Just sounds like it's expanding on the song.

Oh, wait, that was the outro.

Well, and there you have my complaint. It just ends too abruptly. It sounds like it's still opening up. Like a flower that stops mid-blossom. What you need is a climax, followed by the resolution you've already established with the crazy computer-sounding Rhodes you have as the outro. Perhaps a final djentle riff, something groovy, you know what I mean? I think that would add a nice contrast to the rest of the song, without being too stark. Of course, it's all up to you, and if you're like me, you absolutely HATE going back and changing the flow of a song you've already deemed complete.

All in all, really good job here. Interesting orchestration all the way through, a lot of good ideas, and a kind of outsider vibe that I really dug. Keep it up, bro.

Now then, C4C? Much appreciated :3 It's miles different from what you have here, though.

Last edited by Tarbosh at Nov 14, 2010,