#1
post your comments and i will return the favor if you post a link to one of yours.

Bad intentions are dragging me down,
hurting everyone that I'm around.
I am everything i used to hate.
I cannot carry all of this weight.

Drag me down to the bottom.
It's all that I ask of you.
Drag me down to the bottom.
And leave me with nothing left to do.

I'll make another empty promise
white lies turning into darkness.
The happiness in solitude
is all that I look forward to.

Drag me down to the bottom.
It's all that I ask of you.
Drag me down to the bottom.
And leave me with nothing left to do.
"If the good die young, we'll fucking live forever"

Quote by zezimathehero
Genital Warts > What Separates Me From You


Quote by zezimathehero
Genital warts, what separates me from you
#2
Quote by thesceneislame
post your comments and i will return the favor if you post a link to one of yours.

Bad intentions are dragging me down,
^^"Cruel" might be a better word?
hurting everyone that I'm around.
^^"whom" instead of "that"
I am everything i used to hate.
^^Cliche "Slowly becoming something I used to hate"?
I cannot carry all of this weight.
^^It's not that you "cannot" carry all this weight it's morelike u "dont want to"

Drag me down to the bottom.
It's all that I ask of you.
Drag me down to the bottom.
And leave me with nothing left to do.
^^Cliche "And leave me empty with no lead"?

I'll make another empty promise
white lies turning into darkness.
^^"dark truths" instead of "darkness" might make more sense?
The happiness in solitude
is all that I look forward to.
^^Cliche "is my saviour,my only gratitude"?

Drag me down to the bottom.
It's all that I ask of you.
Drag me down to the bottom.
And leave me with nothing left to do.

The theme you have choosen is nice but i feel that much more could have been expressed here.Also imagery is lacking...
Feel what you're writing i'm sure you can do much better than thisKeep writing!

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1356783
#3
thanks man.
"If the good die young, we'll fucking live forever"

Quote by zezimathehero
Genital Warts > What Separates Me From You


Quote by zezimathehero
Genital warts, what separates me from you