#1
i'm waiting on someone to magic me sane
put my body and brain back together again
put stitches in veins i can still take the pain
put my body and brain back together again.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#3
After rereading a few of yours for confirmation: your pieces are becoming shorter and simpler over time. o.O
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#4
The quirky musicality of this makes it seem like a fairground ride - a Ferris wheel maybe - and it loves to be spoken both fast and slow. Although there is not a whole lot to siphon through, it still has plenty of meaning for it to stand on its own.

"put stitches in veins i can still take the pain"
- This is obviously the most powerful of the lines, and could signify that you're either still suffering from something, but that yet hasn't got to you fully; or how you long for a blood clot that, metaphorically speaking, stops the feelings of whatever flowing through you. I think one little word that describes what that may be would really make this great.

Also, the omittion of the comma in that third line may also relate to the same idea of things just not slowing down enough for you. I don't know for sure.
#5
all it needs to be
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#7
Quote by culex-knight
After rereading a few of yours for confirmation: your pieces are becoming shorter and simpler over time. o.O


Not a bad thing in this case.


I loved this. I went in thinking it was longer, and how short it was surprised me.

To give my two cents on this piece, I would have to say that I felt some sort of despair reading this, almost hopelessness. But I felt more for hope in this, and I think it's a very nice piece.
#8
aw, wow. thank you guys.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#9
this was sweet. the little rhyme scheme keeps it simple and relevant and the sentiments are (obviously) supremely relatable. one problem i've always had when reading you though is the disconnect from tactile. i can't entrench myself in this like i like to because the imagery is floating or not grounded, or some other stupid expression that doesn't express what i want to say. something like putting stitches in the veins is really visceral but it just feels like a detached idea. i don't know where it's supposed to lead me. i wish i could explain it better, but i can't i'm afraid. overall, i did enjoy this for what it was though, and it's good to see you posting again.
#10
Quote by culex-knight
After rereading a few of yours for confirmation: your pieces are becoming shorter and simpler over time. o.O

I went through some of your other pieces as well to see what kind of style you write; and I agree that it's your shorter, simpler pieces that sounded best. This was a very fun and interesting read. The rhyming I though was a bit much but not so much that it ruined the whole thing Keep on Writing
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