#1
Feedback?

I came crawling every night
and I'm not the man you know
delicate and touched
well that never was enough

And you were something like a stranger
you came and went as you pleased
you only knew yourself
almost as well as you knew me

It hurt more than you wanted
and more than you made it
you laid your vices on the table (just to put out what you lit)
what'd you expect me to say (I've got nothing to say)

You said "It's time to move on"
walked away in the fashion you came
You always knew whats best (or spit the perfect lie)
Left me lost and willing (I swear its the last time)


The parathesis are kind of like a more malicious reponse to the situation the characters in, while the others are more understanding, I guess.
And disragard the title
I have no gear worth mentioning


And my skills match my gear's worth


man....
#2
Quote by yeakley123
Feedback?

I came crawling every night
and I'm not the man you know
delicate and touched
well that never was enough
Pretty good start man

And you were something like a stranger
you came and went as you pleased <<< This doesn't flow very well. What about:
A brief glimpse before you'd leave

you only knew yourself
almost as well as you knew me
Sick 2 lines there man

It hurt more than you wanted
and more than you couldmade it
you laid your vices on the table (just to put out what you lit)
what'd you expect me to say (I've got nothing to say)
"You laid our voices on the table
But there was nothing I could say"


You said "It's time to move on"
And walked away in fashions fame
You always knew whats best (or spit the perfect lie)
Left me lost and willing (I swear its the last time)
"Left me lost, alive at best"

The parathesis are kind of like a more malicious reponse to the situation the characters in, while the others are more understanding, I guess.
And disragard the title


The stuff in bold is stuff I would change.

You got some great lines in there, just needs a bit of fine tuning man.

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=25297462#post25297462


Quote by Våd Hamster
Find a dice and assign a number to each girl. Throw the dice.


The number you hope for at the moment you throw the dice, is the one you'll want to keep.