#1
I couldn't figure out a good way to end this, so... cliffhanger

We wouldn't be dancing if she wasn't bored and I wasn't lonely
I'll move on to another girl as soon as I find a hotter one
but for now I'm just enjoying the grinding
I'm only teasing anyways,
I wouldn't actually sleep with her
I have standards; eight or higher only

She wouldn't be sitting next to me on the bed if I told her
where the scar on my chest really came from
I did it myself
I sent a picture to Heather
not just because I was drunk,
I wanted her to feel guilty
#2
Well I thinks just that ends it quite well enough. Though I don't get the feeling your trying to go for. I sounds like your a virgin "one-night-stander," that's had one hell of a hard time enjoying life at all.

If this is the feeling you were trying to go for, you more than succeeded, if not, then you need to get out some more Keep on Writing
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I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
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#3
i am never sure how to do this critiquing business, but i like this, and the way it just goes is nice. however, the subject matter you pick to write about is getting old...
#4
Hey I thought this was 'bout an emotionally troubled person who loved 'Heather' but she left him and now he is going around doing one night stands!(Am I wrong?)

I liked the ending but no this doesnt feel complete,you need to work out an ending verse...
Since you couldnt think 'bout anything I tried to come up with something to give you a lead...

She wont be waving at me cheerfully now
if she knew that she is just a shape to quench my lonesomeness
And when with her I was wondering of Heather
Now i'm gonna go home and sleep until someone finds me
And if that person turns out to be Heather
I will let it all ride on her conscience...

And i really like what you have so far

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1363218
#6
Quote by BloodCold
Hey I thought this was 'bout an emotionally troubled person who loved 'Heather' but she left him and now he is going around doing one night stands!(Am I wrong?)

I've no idea. I've got this journal with a bunch of crap written in it, and I found this in here. No idea what it's about.

Quote by hippieboy444
the subject matter you pick to write about is getting old...

Probably, I feel like I should write something more creative, but when I do it always just comes off as cheesy
#7
I really like this. You should really continue writing this and give it a proper ending. I mean, you could end it this way, but you could also generate a powerful ending out of what you have so far.

-Alex
ok, yeah. my name is silly because I signed up when I was 13.

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