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#1


Welcome

The Relationship Thread is for questions, advice, and general discussion about everything to do with relationships.
If you're having girl or boy trouble then you belong here. Whether you're in a relationship, trying to get in one, trying to get out of one, or know a thing or two about these things, and want to share, this is the place. And in here, we know our shit.
Also, issues with friends and family is our business as well. There's a good chance we can help you there as well.

First of all, if your question is about sex, then you should be asking it in the Sex Thread . Also, though we can give you a lot of advice to deal with a break-up in here, go to the Hugging Thread if you're just looking for a friendly shoulder to cry on. Although we don't mind a sobstory, or sharing an e-beer, the RT is mainly for _dealing_ with problems- and there's nothing more frustrating than giving advice to someone that just wants to vent.
Rule of thumb- If you're looking for sympathy = Hugging thread
If you're looking for help = Relationship thread

One last thing- if you'd rather keep your questions private, you're welcome to ask in the thread if there's someone willing to give PM'd advice. And there usually is.

The Rules


The RT is obviously subject to the same essential posting rules as the rest of the Pit, but due to the specialised nature of the RT, a set of specific rules are needed to ensure a better experience for all posters, and avoid redundancy. If you DO NOT abide by these rules, you may find that nobody is willing to help you, and if you cause enough annoyance, you will be asked to leave the thread or face reporting, and in effect; warnings, bans and so forth at the discretion of the Pit Mod team.


1. READ THE FAQs ON THE FIRST PAGE-

They will answer many of your questions without you needing to spend time writing a new post. Different bits are written by different people, and credit goes to the entire RT team through many years.


2. Please try to make your post coherent.

A little punctuation never hurt anybody. That means DON'T type the whole thing in one long sentence without taking a breath, DO break up your post into bite-size paragraphs so we can read it easily, and check over what you've written before you push the Reply button to see if it actually makes sense. If it's a long story you're telling, a TL;DR or quick summary at the end always goes over well. And let us know if English isn't your first language, but otherwise you kids have no excuse.


3. No bashing other posters' advice without good reason.

Everybody has their own methods and approaches to things. Disagreeing will happen, but ultimately it is up to the one seeking advice to choose who to listen to. Back up your own advice, counter-argue if you feel it is appropriate, but avoid taking it to a personal level. If you feel like dogfighting, take it to PM's or a courtyard somewhere. This isn't the place.

FAQ

We're doing things a little different this time. Due to the massive amount of quality advice that's been posted over time, it's no longer possible to keep it at one page, nor is it a very organised method.

SO

I've made a library group containing all in-depth FAQ's relating to relationships. It will also contain more situation-specific advice than the general FAQ posted on this page. As the thread progresses, advice from here may be added to it, and if anyone ever feels the need to make an in-depth post for it, they are most welcome.
More info in the actual group HERE



General FAQ


This FAQ has been worked on by Freezer Burn, thedefrockednun, rigiddigits, and now by me.
It's a pretty flawless user's guide to the main issues surrounding relationships, and you won't go far wrong if you make it your first port of call in a crisis.

We've put this into a somewhat chronological order, so it reads like a timeline of before, during, and after a relationship - which should now make it a little easier to navigate. Without further ado:

What do I do if I like a girl?

If you take nothing else away from this thread, remember this. Don't tell her you like her. You must show the girl that you like her instead, by flirting with her and using your body language. Then see how she responds.

How do I get her to like me back?

In order to increase your chances with a girl, you have to get in her head. She's gotta be thinking of you when you're not around. To do that, you've got to keep her guessing. Don't offer yourself up to her on a plate- she mustn't think that she can 'always get you if she wants to'- don't let her know that you're hers for the taking. If she knows 100% that you like her, she's not wondering whether or not you like her. If she's not wondering, she doesn't CARE. You have to get her to care what you think of her. Then she'll put the effort in.
Ultimately, of course, there is no way to _force_ anyone to like you. But if you do these things, you'll stand a much better chance.

Uhh...so how do I flirt?

Easy. Flirting is all about having fun. It can involve teasing a girl, making physical contact with her, just showing her attention in a way that hints you may be interested in her. None of this "you're really pretty" stuff. It's about laughing, teasing, tickling, all of that.

And how can I tell if she likes me?

Staring, smiling, laughing, teasing, shyness, fidgeting with clothes and hair... Does her behavior change when you're there? Or if you start showing her a bit of interest?
In general, you give attention and time to the things you like. If she gives those things to you, that's a good sign.

I'd like to date, but I think I'm ugly.

Bullshit. No one is that unattractive. We'll spare you the 'beautiful on the inside' pep talk. Having inner confidence is important, but so is looking after your appearance, which helps you to gain that confidence. Your hair, your skin, your teeth, your personal hygiene, your level of physical fitness, your clothes...can all be changed easily. When you're happy, your confidence soars. And that's when people start getting interested in you.
Last edited by Våd Hamster at Sep 29, 2010,
#2
I like a girl who's unavailable.
Then she's off limits. If she's got a boyfriend, then it's bad taste to hit on her. See 'bros before hos'

This girl I like has a boy friend, yet tells me she likes me more. I don't get it?

She's lying to you. You have to listen to what she is showing you through her actions, and not listen to what she says. If she wanted to be dating you instead, she would do so. She's trying to have twice the attention with only one set of strings attached. Don't give her what she wants, because that means she "wins" (if you make it out to be a game).

I'm in love with my best friend

Tricky. In a nutshell, you can either make a move on her, and risk damaging your friendship, or suck it up, and direct your attention on other things and people. See in depth FriendZone FAQs for more details.

What's the friendzone?
The friendzone is a "place" where all the guys that are just friends to the girls go when they are too sensitive and overly-nice to a girl. Usually, these guys bare the name of emotional tampon. You don't want to be in the friend zone if you are looking for a relationship because once you're in it, the odds of you getting out are unlikely.

How do I avoid the friendzone?

Don't be a wussy around women. Girls love guys with confidence, and guys who can be themselves at all times. When a girl sees a confident man, she instantly (and unconsciously) becomes attracted to him. However, don't come off as someone who you are obviously not (if you're not athletic, don't come off as a jock, etc) because in the long run, she'll figure it out and then it'll bite you in the ass.

What does 'bros before hoes' mean?

It means if you know that your buddy likes a girl, and especially if he's intending on asking her out, don't go after her. Even if you know she doesn't like him back, you should really wait and then at least ask his permission. This also goes for dating your friend's sister. It's just generally considered to be morally bankrupt.
Basically, it's a good way to end up in _someone's_ black book.

I like my friend's ex

Well, you should decide whether you are going to keep this to yourself, talk to him about it before you know how she feels, or talk to him about it afterwards. A good friendship saved is worth much more than a relationship's potential being preserved. And if it doesn't feel right talking to him about it, then it's probably too soon after the breakup, so keep it quiet for now.

How do I ask her out?

Well, there are a few different ways. Here, we mostly agree that the direct approach is best, which works well because it's specific and makes you seem confident: "Do you wanna come to [place] on [day] with me?" If you're unsure, post and we'll give you tips. Ideally you should go on some dates before you start a relationship.
It goes: Asking face to face > by phone > by text(eh) > IM'ing(bad) > Facebook (oh shit what are you doing)

Where shall I take her on a date?

Firstly: Take her somewhere relaxed and neutral. Places like a small coffeeshop, park, bowling alley, carnival, are these things. Yours or her place, a fancy restaurant, or your friends party are not.
Secondly: You'll want to make it active. Establishing physical contact is fundamental in the beginning of a romantic relationship- and something as simple as helping her balance on ice skates, holding the ball correctly, and so on.
When you're both more comfortable with eachother, you can go to each other's homes and such.

Last edited by Våd Hamster at Sep 21, 2010,
#3

What kind of gift can I buy her?

Flowers and chocolates are usually well received. Homemade gifts, like a mix CD, or professional artwork are all really amazing - so if you have a talent, use it! Books by her favorite authors, her favorite band's new album, anything that shows you've thought about it for more than a few seconds. If you've been dating for around a year, then jewellery is great.

I'm about to meet her parents, what do I do?

Her mom needs to know that her daughter is in safe hands. Show her that you are sensible and responsible. An important bond with her mom is very important. Have real conversations with her mom, and listen to her answers.
Her dad needs to know that you will treat his daughter with respect. Be a gentleman. Always be extra polite to her when he's around. Also since he's a guy too, you'll probably have stuff in common to talk about like sports, cars, guitars, that kind of thing. Laugh at his jokes too. But don't be a little suck-up.

Her parents already don't like me, can I fix it?

If the parents seem to have taken a dislike to you, just try your best to be polite and respectful, and play by their rules. Don't put your girlfriend in the middle, but do discuss it with her. However if they're dead against their daughter dating, then there's not a lot you can do about it. When she's living in their house, she lives by their rules.
Again, no sucking up though. Stand up for yourself if you feel you're being wronged.

We had a fight

Fights do most of the time spring from poor communication- Nobody understands eachother all the time. The best thing to do is to work it out the problem together in a calm, collected manner.
You must both put all cards on the table. No lies, no secrets, no ulterior motives. Only truth.
Speak gently, with understanding, and care for your partner. It is not anybody's fault, it is something you must conquer together.
They key to a healthy communication line is that both individuals get heard, respected, and understood.
If you can master this aspect of relationships, a _lot_ of things will become easier for you.

I think she's cheating on me

Do you actually have any evidence? If not, try to ignore your suspicion until you have a leg to stand on. NEVER go snooping through someone's phone, e-mails, or Facebook, even if you suspect there's something going on. My advice would be to talk to a friend who's quite relaxed, and ask if they think it's anything to worry about. Is she being secretive? Do you know that she's lied before? The next step would be to confront her about it. Lack of trust in a relationship is almost as bad for it as a betrayal of trust anyway.
Last edited by Våd Hamster at Sep 21, 2010,
#4

I'm jealous and possessive of her.

Teach yourself to stop. We can help with this. Jealousy comes from insecurity and self-doubt. Relationships involve looking the other way sometimes. If your girlfriend knew about and got mad about every time you checked out another girl's boobs, or laughed at your female friend's joke, or went out to the bar with your friends, you'd feel suffocated, right?

She's jealous and possessive of me.

If she doesn't stop, it will only get worse. Don't allow her to take control of your life. You must assert yourself from the start of the relationship, agree a set of ground rules and stick to them. Cut your losses if it gets too much. Equally, you should look at your behaviour and decide if there is anything you're doing that is out of line. If you're not ready to stop doing it, break up. If you want the relationship to work, compromise. Talk to her. Let her know that the way she is acting is making you feel unhappy.
Again, communication is key.

I don't want to go out with her anymore. What do I do?

Break up with her, ASAP. We can help with how and where. A good way of looking at it if you're feeling guilty is that you're stopping her from being happy with someone else by staying with her. She'll hurt for a little while, but she'll be okay. Don't make any unwise promises - e.g. that you won't see anyone else, or that you'll stay friends.
Don't let her guilt you into giving it another chance, or give her one out of pity. Stand your ground.

She broke up with me. It hurts. How do I get over her? Should we be friends?

Feels bad man. We've all been there. The best way is to to stop talking to her for a while. If you want to stay friends with her, tell her you need to time to sort yourself out. During that time, focus on yourself, and getting back on your feet. Think about the mistakes you made, and learn from them- that is the most important part. Spend time with friends and family, it will help you forget the pain and will make time go faster, and the healing as well.


FAQ shamelessly ripped from last RT, with edits everywhere from Våd Hamster. Massive props to all involved in previous versions!
Last edited by Våd Hamster at Sep 21, 2010,
#5
MY MSN: shadowspark913@hotmail.com so feel free to chat me up whenever!

Freezer Burn's Ultimate FAQ

Under construction now lulz
R.I.P. Jeb
07/31/08

FREEZER BURN s YELLOWFRIZBEE
Last edited by Freezer Burn at Sep 21, 2010,
#8
I recall no such practice.

*snide remark regarding join dates and experience with earlier Relationship Threads*
#9
Quote by Våd Hamster
I recall no such practice.

*snide remark regarding join dates and experience with earlier Relationship Threads*


Lulz 07ers ftw
R.I.P. Jeb
07/31/08

FREEZER BURN s YELLOWFRIZBEE
#10
It is clinically proven that 07'ers make the best posts.


I mean, it's 2 007, TWICE AS HARDCORE AS JAMES BOND.
#11
I was about to post in the old thread and found it closed.

But you win on the Facebook thing freezer. I just had an old coworker look me up and ask if I wanted to get together next week. If it facilitates beautiful girls just falling into my lap Facebook is ok by me

edit: 07!
Quote by The Kush
This should be put in the ****ing Bible.


Quote by Våd Hamster
You are an inspiration.


Quote by Blackwaterson89
Listen to TheBlessed Dead. The man is a genius. There should be a man of genius song about him. Stephen Hawking has nothing on TheBlessed Dead.
#13
Quote by TheBlessed Dead
I was about to post in the old thread and found it closed.

But you win on the Facebook thing freezer. I just had an old coworker look me up and ask if I wanted to get together next week. If it facilitates beautiful girls just falling into my lap Facebook is ok by me

edit: 07!


Classic victory for FB. Told you man, makes you like 100% more accessible.
R.I.P. Jeb
07/31/08

FREEZER BURN s YELLOWFRIZBEE
#14
Ooooh shiny new thread! Congrats.


To make this relevant, my bf has been making me sandwiches lately. They are ham and spicy mustard sandwiches. Id say a solid 8/10. It was good. Too good. I suspect foul play.


Nah, I kid. Props to all the men who know how to work the kitchen. I just needed an excuse to drop by the new thread!
YELLOWFRIZBEE s FreezerBurn


Stepco's Master
|Colowomble 2016|PSN=yellowfrizbee| + UG Community Radio|
#15
Quote by TheBlessed Dead


edit: 07!



Original and best!

Quote by genghisgandhi
I guess I'll offer a question. I think (very confident) that a girl likes me. How do I tell her that I REALLY do not want to go out with her?


Well if you're not sure that she likes you, better to keep it subtle to avoid OMGDRAMA
Don't flirt with her, don't give her excess attention, and talk about other girls. Hopefully she gets the hint.

Quote by yellowfrizbee
Ooooh shiny new thread! Congrats.


To make this relevant, my bf has been making me sandwiches lately. They are ham and spicy mustard sandwiches. Id say a solid 8/10. It was good. Too good. I suspect foul play.


Nah, I kid. Props to all the men who know how to work the kitchen. I just needed an excuse to drop by the new thread!


Ham... and mustard? What witchcraft is this.


You're always welcome here
Last edited by Våd Hamster at Sep 21, 2010,
#16
Alright, so today at work this girl started flirting with me a little bit and she told me where she works and told me she only works on Sundays there. I didn't have time to ask for her number or anything because we were ball breaking busy but I was wondering if you think it would be creepy if I went there this Sunday (to get some soda or something)? It's in the same plaza and I mentioned I go there all the time to her. I mean I figure I could get her number then or if she remembers me that is.

So what you think?
Quote by Tyler Durden
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Erowid
#17
She told you where she would be and when she would be there. That's an invitation in my book.
Battling FC: 0259 8373 3725
#19
Quote by RockGuitar92

So what you think?


she did everything short of yell COME VISIT ME AT WORK. maybe she should be a little more blunt next time.
Quote by The Kush
This should be put in the ****ing Bible.


Quote by Våd Hamster
You are an inspiration.


Quote by Blackwaterson89
Listen to TheBlessed Dead. The man is a genius. There should be a man of genius song about him. Stephen Hawking has nothing on TheBlessed Dead.
#21
Okay so my girlfriend wanted to go down at stay at a guys house (that she met twice) for a charity event.

And I'm not allowed to text a girl who is one of my best friends.

I brought this to her attention but "this is totally different".

Then her Mum asked me what was going on. This is her reply:

"*Girlfriend* is allowed to have friends, but you just put her Emotionally second to Danni (my friend)"

Tell me I'm not losing it here... this is BS right?


Quote by Våd Hamster
Find a dice and assign a number to each girl. Throw the dice.


The number you hope for at the moment you throw the dice, is the one you'll want to keep.
#23
Quote by thanksgiving
Okay so my girlfriend wanted to go down at stay at a guys house (that she met twice) for a charity event.

And I'm not allowed to text a girl who is one of my best friends.

I brought this to her attention but "this is totally different".

Then her Mum asked me what was going on. This is her reply:

"*Girlfriend* is allowed to have friends, but you just put her Emotionally second to Danni (my friend)"

Tell me I'm not losing it here... this is BS right?


From what you were saying toward the end of the last thread, her mum is right to say that.

However, the situation with your gf is messed up if she stays at this guys' house and gets pissy if you text or hang with your friend. Tbh, she sounds like a total drama llama that's not worth your time.

On the basis of this post and all your last few, just dump her already. If she won't be talked round by logic, then get rid of her. This is all I'm saying on the matter, cos I know it's right, you know it's right, and everybody else who posted knows it's right, and you're starting to come across as an attention whore my friend.
#24
From what you were saying toward the end of the last thread, her mum is right to say that.

However, the situation with your gf is messed up if she stays at this guys' house and gets pissy if you text or hang with your friend. Tbh, she sounds like a total drama llama that's not worth your time.

On the basis of this post and all your last few, just dump her already. If she won't be talked round by logic, then get rid of her. This is all I'm saying on the matter, cos I know it's right, you know it's right, and everybody else who posted knows it's right, and you're starting to come across as an attention whore my friend.
Haha you just ****ing pwned that noob!

oh wait...




Quote by Våd Hamster
Find a dice and assign a number to each girl. Throw the dice.


The number you hope for at the moment you throw the dice, is the one you'll want to keep.
#25
Quote by TheBlessed Dead
she did everything short of yell COME VISIT ME AT WORK. maybe she should be a little more blunt next time.

True, but Sunday is quite a few days away and there is a fair chance she'll forget my face.
Quote by Tyler Durden
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Erowid
#27
Quote by SomeEvilDude
As annoying as you often are, sometimes I just gotta love ya man.

You sound like my friend, Taylor. He always says that to people.
Quote by Tyler Durden
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Erowid
#28
Quote by SomeEvilDude
As annoying as you often are, sometimes I just gotta love ya man.

**** yeah. You and me are ****ing bros!

PS. Teach me how to shoot a rifle


Quote by Våd Hamster
Find a dice and assign a number to each girl. Throw the dice.


The number you hope for at the moment you throw the dice, is the one you'll want to keep.
#29
Quote by RockGuitar92
True, but Sunday is quite a few days away and there is a fair chance she'll forget my face.

Go see her sunday, and say, "Hey it's me *insert name here* from *insert place/time here*."

But more than likely she'll remember you, she did "invite" you so-to-speak.
#30
Quote by Nakedbythecomp
Go see her sunday, and say, "Hey it's me *insert name here* from *insert place/time here*."

But more than likely she'll remember you, she did "invite" you so-to-speak.


This. Cheers for the new RT.
Quote by Eddie4President
Either you remind her of a girl, or she's not a lesbian.


Quote by blake1221
Jabba's real name is Katie.
#32
So guys, here's the story:

Started November 2008, started seeing a girl and for the first year I was with her, it was perfect, spent every minute together, I really thought I loved her.

The second year was good for the first half, then after a few rows, and a few silly break ups we got back on track until August this year, the rows started again, I'll admit I was a little jealous of a few of her guy friends, but they were the sorta guys that would try move in on her, as soon as we'd had an argument, I decided to break up with her at the end of July, broke my own heart, but I decided it was better for us to be friends, than break up later on and be worst enemies. She was crushed too, but I think I made the right decision (we were both posessive and were just arguing way more than we needed to), then literally 2 weeks after we'd broken up, she started seeing someone else, when only a week before her mum told me she still wasnt over me, it really hurt me, but I knew it was only rebound. I thought I was finally over her, then they broke up (rebound relationships never work.....) then she started talking to me the other day, and my old feelings really came back, all of my friends have told me i've been so much happier since I broke up with her, i've been a much better person.


Basically, i'm scared the feelings are gunna come back really hard, and i'll give in, and try it with her again, but I dont wan't to, i've been talking to a lot of other girls lately, I think i like them, then realise i'm not sure if I want a relationship. Any advice guys?
Gear

Gibson Les Paul Studio
Custom Made Strat with hot rails
Orange Rockerverb 50 MkII
Orange PPC212 OB
Tanglewood TW1000SR/FPP
TC Electronics Polytune
Line 6 DL4
Danelectro Fish 'n' Chips
Digitech Bad Monkey
Boss Ch-1
#33
Have you no willpower? No mental strength?

If you don't want to get back together with her then don't. Simple as. Try not speaking to her every other day if you're scared of these feelings coming back, which are likely due to you showing little control over your emotions.

Also, if you don't want a relationship then that's okay. No one is forcing you, it's your choice.
#34
New thread.

What are your opinions on taking back a girl who dumped you? Obviously, it depends on the reasoning...But, generally?
Wait.



Roger Waters - 12th May!
Last edited by LezPaulEpiphone at Sep 22, 2010,
#35
Remember the reason you broke up, then think about said reason and contemplate the likelihood of the relationship working the second time around.
#36
Quote by Reaper2502
So guys, here's the story:




If you want to truly get over her, you're going to have to stay away from her. Don't call her, don't see her, don't let her have a place in your life. Only then will your feelings pass.


Ad +1 to br33d, not wanting a relationship is perfectly fine.

VÅDIT epic snail
Last edited by Våd Hamster at Sep 22, 2010,
#37
Quote by br33dlove
Remember the reason you broke up, then think about said reason and contemplate the likelihood of the relationship working the second time around.


That could just work dude, cheers , I really think I am ready to move on, her talking to me the other day just really threw me off aha, just gunna enjoy life for a while I think, I don't need another relationship, I think i'm just trying to kid myself.....
Gear

Gibson Les Paul Studio
Custom Made Strat with hot rails
Orange Rockerverb 50 MkII
Orange PPC212 OB
Tanglewood TW1000SR/FPP
TC Electronics Polytune
Line 6 DL4
Danelectro Fish 'n' Chips
Digitech Bad Monkey
Boss Ch-1
#38
Cool, a new thread.

I will be providing you all with tips and help. The fact that I don't have a girlfriend has nothing to say about my ability to handle girls.
#39
Quote by The_Casinator
Cool, a new thread.

I will be providing you all with tips and help. The fact that I don't have a girlfriend has nothing to say about my ability to handle girls.


You're most welcome


And I don't have a gf either. Because I have a FWB instead >_>
#40
Quote by LezPaulEpiphone
New thread.

What are your opinions on taking back a girl who dumped you? Obviously, it depends on the reasoning...But, generally?

My friend has got back with his ex twice, both times were failures. Depending on why she left you, I'd say that it's best not to get back with her.
"If God exists, there's no way he is French" - Andrea Pirlo

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