#1
So im kinda new to writing lyrics. i do them off and on whenever im bored. i recently started a musical project with sum friend of mine and im the only one who can write lyrics so i'd like some reviews of what i have written so far and what you guys think i should do to improve on my lyrical skills
i appreciate it
Zubier

1)

The pack breaks up
in twos and threes
this life goes on
with new chances to seize

where once there were many
now we are few
our paths branch off
as we sail towards something new

One last time before we part
One last time before a brand new start

One last time before we part
before this brand new start

But what lies beyond
we cannot know

*guitar solo*

One last time before it ends
One last time my friends
#2
Heres another one i wrote a few nights ago. This ones supposed to be a song to cheer up a friend of mine cus shes depressed

Hey hey the girl with the braids
I wonder what time it is
And Hey hey you know its okay
but what can you do about it

Hey hey what do you say
will come dance with me
as we move in the rain
hearing the stars fall baby

hey hey hey you know its okay
i'll be right beside you
and hey its okay
the sun will shine tommorrow baby

I want you to say
its okay
tommorws another day
again
Hey its okay
Tommorrows another day.
#3
Finally this one is one i wrote after me and a couple of my friends watched the hannibal lecter movie series in one go. its supposed to be a metal song. i know it doesnt do much justice to such a cool villain as hannibal

The doctor is in

Raging in a world of petulent sin
of chaos disordre and so much hate
the hunger consumes from within
no humanity inside
except that he ate

Trapped behind his Crimson mask
bathed in the blood of whom you may ask
the lies the heat of the impure
but brains taste good with Chianti im sure

Doctor wont you help., Dr fell?
the good doctor will send you to hell
Doctor wont you help Dr fell?
The good doctor will send you to hell

He ate the opera player
He made a good stew
He ate his sister
and he will eat you too

The Lambs are silent
Aghast at his deeds
Who will save us
when he comes and feeds

Doctor wont you help., Dr fell?
the good doctor will send you to hell
Doctor wont you help Dr fell?
The good doctor will send you to hell
#4
your lyrics are great, however its not really what your words are or even what rhymes, its how you express the lyrics and how they flow/layer with the accompaniment. for example take A Perfect Circuits The Hollow most of the lyrics dont even rhyme but they way they are sung makes them fit with the instruments rhythm & the melody just flows gracefully. it depends on what you want as the outcome, do you want to tell people a story? or do you want to set a certain mood?

it all up to you dude, some great songs done really make a lot of sense when you read the lyrics but dam are they good songs to listen to!
Keep Rocking
alf...