I'm finding it really hard to word this without sounding like a complete a-hole, since this is essentally a long rant. So as a disclaimer, nothing I say is meant to be elitist or harsh.

Basicly I've been in a band for about half a year now, but only in the last few months has it started getting serious. We have started recording covers and planning to write music soon.

I've been having a few problems at the moment though. Recently I mentioned I wanted a synth so the other guitarist in the band decided that he would get one (not a problem) but after that he has been trying to drag the band in a more drum and bass/electronic direction. In turn I'm was trying to drag us in a more Rock based direction, its a kind of battle of the egos going on.

I'm pretty sure the main reason for this is because in that kind of stuff he will be the leader, the main person in the band, he was the rhythm guitarist and now the other members are being returned to the sidelines. He also insits on singing whenever he can, and he can't sing very well. I try and "deter" him, but he doesn't always get the hint.

Now, maybe its my ego at work here (probally) but I see myself as the band leader, purely and simply because I am studying music at college, planning on doing my degree next year, and this band is made up of my friends, not one of them having even played for more than a year, and not a lesson between them.

Without trying to sound elitist, they arn't very good. Which is understandable, they all have other stuff in there lives to concentrate on (college, work) and I just want them to work a bit harder. The amount of times I've found out we can't reherse because our drummers gone to see his friends, no one has learned the song we are meant to do, or the one time we acually do a song, they want to go through it once then put it on youtube, watching them to choose through the least bad videos is painful.

The reason I originally agree'd to start a band with them is because I'm mainly a drummer, and since I wasn't currently in a band thought it would be good for me. It just doesn't seem to be working though. I swear they just arn't trying, and equally they just keep sinking money into it.

I'll say that its not this bad anymore with the videos, but everything else is still there. I really don't know what to do. I feel like I can't quit, these guys are all long time friends and I love them, but I don't want to see them waste they're money. and equally I don't want my name accociated with something shoddy.

I'm really not sure how to deal with this, especially without coming of like an asshole (as I probally just have). Has anyone got any advise for me?

(apologys for the wall of text/rant like nature, lol)
Spiraling Up Through the Crack in the Sky...

...Leaving Material World Behind...


GT - Elite Curbstomp
Last edited by Skinny91 at Sep 23, 2010,
I kind of hear where your coming from, I was in a similar situation. My drummer had become one of my best friends and was also one of the best I had played with. However, as we got more serious and started to get more shows he developed a huge ego, thinking we were too good to be playing certain times and venues. Also, he thought practice was pretty much pointless but I knew we could write better stuff than what we had. Eventually his bad attitude and lack of commitment was too much for me, now we no longer speak but on the brightside, I'm in the process of starting another band where everyone is on the same page and Im really excited. I guess in the end you have to decide whats more important to you. Im not saying you should dump your friends, but maybe sit down and talk to them. You have to make your intentions clear, what you are hoping to get out of this; whether it be genre, position, etc. Let them know that you are all really friends but when it comes to the band, you guys clash.
Defend Your Dreams
Probably thought of this already, but have you ever considered dance and rock? That way maybe you might get more of an equal say. If you do something that all the band members are really interested in and outline sets of short term goals that could help a bit with the commitment side of things.
Thanks for the replys guys.

Yeah its seems like a good idea, and hopefully it will go down alright. Its just if it carrys on after I've spoken to them I don't want to lose friends over it, its not worth it.

And yeah we kind of are doing dance rock at the moment, which is me giving ground to him, because thats the kind of band I want to be. But I think he is not varying the music enough. I'm probably just ranting because we only have 2 covers on our page and they are both Pendulum songs. I think we are happy with the colaberation of genres but whichever is the domintant one seems to be the problem, finding it hard to get a good balance.
Spiraling Up Through the Crack in the Sky...

...Leaving Material World Behind...


GT - Elite Curbstomp
You are facing a situation of Band Darwinism. The strong personalities of others are taking charge rather then then most experieinced person. (i.e. Obama is president ). Decisions are not always made by the best planner and preparer, but moreso by the most convincing voice.

I'd like to suggest taking a Social-Psychology class as an elective on your music degree. You'll learn a lot about group dynamics and how to work an effective team.

Also, I assume by the tone of your post, that you are dedicated and want to make things work, sooooooooo I'd also like to suggest that you read this:


The problem is not them, it is you. You are letting them set the tone and make the decisions. You have the ability to walk away if you can't deal with it. You could also change the direction of the band.

Additionally Communitcation Advice: Do Not start a discussion with "Basically" if it will exceed 2 sentences lol j/k

Finally, I can't sing, but the guys in my band insisted that I do back up. It's the opposite problem; I'm being talked into something that I know I fail at
Last edited by HalfDose at Sep 23, 2010,
Well firstly, this:

Quote by Skinny91
Now, maybe its my ego at work here (probally) but I see myself as the band leader, purely and simply because I am studying music at college, planning on doing my degree next year, and this band is made up of my friends, not one of them having even played for more than a year, and not a lesson between them.

is not a reason that someone is a bandleader.

Usually the bandleader does things like organise practices, dictate the schedule of practice, looks and books gigs, talks to band members individually if they have any problems, basically has to fix all problems, and at least be wary if a problem is going to occur soon. It's usually attached to people with experience and the right personality to do it, however a lot of musos are quite content to take the passive route and leave others to organise that stuff because it is easier.

As for your band if you can't find a middle ground between the keyboardist and yourself, you're screwed. Your drummer will also probably drop out soon. The whole thing will fall apart if you don't have regular practices either.

You mention later on that members "aren't learning songs" that they're supposed to? So I'm guessing you're a cover band? If this is true, can't you just equally pick covers you want to learn?
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
I've been in bands where I'm the best player and I've been in bands where I'm the worst player. As long as you're getting either fun or musical progression from it, then it's all good.

One of the bands I played in, I had to work my a@@ off all week just to keep up with the guys.

Another band, I could go in to rehearsal and play right through the setlist while drinking beers while some of the others would struggle with the easy cover songs. I was also in my opinion the best singer in that band. So what I did was decide to do all the vocal harmonies. Therefore, I was challenging myself and having fun.

Especially in amateur bands, there's always going to be a divide in musical level. As long as you're having fun or challenging yourself, it doesn't matter if you're the best or worst.
Seems to me like you're the only one with the problem here, everyone else is probably having fun, but you're all "check me out im the leader im the leader", which has obviously been proven otherwise.

I suggest you leave the band and find people with tastes more similar to yours, sure some of them might be your mates, but if it ain't working, it ain't working.