#1
Here we go....

*verse*
I try to walk away
from this pain but my
sorrow keeps dragging me down,

*verse*
If i'm to escape from
these chains the horrors
of myself will be known,

*verse*
We've crushed our thoughts
of control with the stones
that have held us all down,

*chorus*
Put to sleep on a lonely throan,
Feel the pain your actions have shown,
You can now die and rot alone
with the misery of downing the unknown,

*verse*
Speak of whats already
been said passed on from
each generation down,

*verse*
To the unfortunate souls that
have been blinded by the
thought of becoming known,

*verse*
Chosen from the kings and queens,
Summoned with the pain you've faced,
It's unfair, yes we know, now come on, come on down,

*chorus*
Put to sleep on a lonely throan,
Feel the pain your actions have shown,
You can now die and rot alone
with the misery of downing the unknown

*chorus*
Put to sleep on a lonely throan,
Feel the pain your actions have shown,
You can now die and rot alone
with the misery of downing the unknown....

To be honest, I really DO NOT like this song,
It has been really emotionally draining and just want to get it finished,
and I dont think this song sounds all that great,

But...If any of you do have some points or comments or questions
do feel free to speak up...

Cheers,
TheAscendant
#2
*verse*
I try to walk away
from this pain but my
sorrow keeps dragging me down,

*verse*
If i'm to escape from
these chains the of horrors
of myself I will be the unknown, I think you should be the unknown just because I've been through a hellis situation and I know how it feels. Like depression, you feel like no one sees you and you and your trials are completely "unknown" to the world around you

*verse*
We've crushed our thoughts
of control with the stones
that have held us all down,

*chorus*
Put to sleep on a lonely throan, Just a side not here, that's spelt "Throne." And I disagree on that. I believe completely in a song played be the Grateful Dead called "Throwing Stones." http://artsites.ucsc.edu/GDead/agdl/throwing.html You could even use one of those lines here, "Politicians are throwing stones." Just because really only some of us are put on a thrown before completely destroyed. We are used like batteries, like in the movie "The Matrix." In the movie, towards the beginning you'll see that the "Machines" are harvesting humans and using them to power their growing civilization. Just a couple things to think about
Feel the pain your actions have shown, To me, "Sown" souds better
You can now die and rot alone
with the misery of downing in the unknown,

*verse*
Speak of whats already
been said passed on from
each generation down,

*verse*
To the unfortunate souls that
have been blinded by the
thought of becoming known,
Again, I don't think this is where we are going. People are scared of who they TRUELY are. And when hints of that truth gets out, the whole race goes into an uproar. And really the only movie that comes to mind here is the "Golden Compass." Here, if you notice there are daemons that determine your allegence. And if you notice the leaders of the magesterium (I have no idea how to spell that :p) have insects and reptillions. In a couple of the human races there are two main humans. The reptillions and the mammels. Now scientifically we are all mammels, but some humans evolved from reptillion ancestors (even Christians believe this, they just don't talk about it a lot just because half of their followers will try to overthrow the Pope.) So I think you should somehow hint on this point

:p Sorry, I was just reading over after posting to make for sure everything was correct, and I noticed I told you to change this line when really it actually fits what I was talking about. So just keep it


*verse*
Chosen from the kings and queens, Now this line has more meaning than you could possably know. Under any conditions, keep this line. It talks about our lineage to old Annunaki through the kings, for example if you pass the line of the Merovingians, you are a decendent of Jesus the Christ and ultimately from the ultimate race, the Annunaki (not to be mistaken with the Anakim or Anakites, those guys are evil.) So keep this
Summoned with the pain you've faced,
It's unfair, yes we know, now come on, come on down, Now John Bell from Widespread Panic sings in a song called "From the Cradle," which is suppose to be how theres hell coming this way and the only thing we can do is get down, stay down, and to keep our voice down. All the people who think over-running this evil will be struck down with a force not seen in MANY years. And this kind of reminds me of that.

Well being emotionally draining is perfectly normal. In fact the greatest creators here on earth have all mentioned that everything they do is so painful they wish they can stop. Even I get so drained after each critique that I have to take a nap or something. That's why I can only critique one or two a day. So when you are drained, post it. I'd like to see what the Aeons have sent you (Aeons are the purest beings, our gods gods. And it's sometimes through them that we receive revelation, most of the time it's just through our own gods.) And I would also like to truely thank you for requesting me even though I don't think I have that much to say about this piece. It was very well written, just a little off of what I believe, but that's beliefs so you can keep all of that if you want. Truely I think you should keep this Keep on Writing
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Last edited by 24WildRovers at Sep 24, 2010,
#3
24WildRovers, thank you a lot, I will take this and run with it, this has given me new life in writing this song, thank you....8)

Cheers,
TheAscendant
#4
Quote by TheAscendant
24WildRovers, thank you a lot, I will take this and run with it, this has given me new life in writing this song, thank you....8)

Cheers,
TheAscendant

Well thank you very much for listening PEACE
Comments or Suggestions
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I am the 24 Wild Rovers
If You Wish to Give C4C Click on the Smlileys
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