#1
BBRING BBRING BBRING
BRANG BRONG ZAP POW
GRIND BBRING BBRING BRRING
GROWL BBRING ZOOM BBRING
BEEP BEEP BBRING
WOOSH BBRING BOOP BBRING BOP
BBRING
BBRING
BBRING
BBRING
BBRING
BBRING

my alarm rang too damn early. it does every morning,
and what was weird about this morning is that I decided
to actually get up at 5:30 instead of sleep 'til 8.
I stumbled out of bed, on auto pilot, took a shower,
put shorts on, almost didn't put a shirt on
but then put one on (a neon green one, hells yeah)
and practically fell down the stairs for
breakfast.
The voice of everybody who had ever told me
how important breakfast is was ringing through my head.
The most important meal of the day?
It's pancake time.
Oh god, were these pancakes beautiful.
I ignored the recipe on the back and mixed in
the absolute perfect amount of everything
half cup of pancake mix, half cup of milk, tablespoon of
canola oil and some vanilla, which I have never heard of before
and maybe I'll start a pancake restaurant with vanilla pancakes.
Anyway, they were fucking heavenly.
I put them on the griddle.
sizzle sizzle flip flip flip sizzle
done.
Three golden brown pancakes
resting on my plate. I swear they
lit up the room a little.
You can't have pancakes without syrup or
some form of topping, so I went in the pantry
and got some good ol' Aunty J.
I drizzled Aunt Jemima over my pancakes with such
grace and care and passion.
I was like a ballet dancer.
I was making love to these pancakes.
I was the king of pancakes.

I started eating.
Fantastic. Wow.
Such unbelievable pancakes,
and then it happened.
After about the second and a half pancake,
something went horribly wrong. All the syrup
had dried up and my stomach started hurting.
Without syrup, the pancakes tasted
like gravel. The gas in my stomach expanded and
my intestines were going to pop.
I poured more Aunt Jemima on the pancakes and ate ravenously,
if anyone could fix this She could.
The syrup dried up almost immediately.
I looked at the expiration date.
3/12/10
THAT WAS 6 MONTHS AGO.
Oh shit.
Aunt Jemima was trying to implode my digestive system.
I ran to the bathroom to no avail,
ran back and drank some water.
It hurt, bad. I continued eating pancakes,
but they were like quicksand.
Suddenly I looked up
at the bottle of syrup
and saw the face of Aunt Jemima
up there in her little circle on top of the label.
So smug. Rolling around in her
mirth and her syrup while I suffer,
a nice big smile on her face.
She did this to me.
She was laughing at me.

I leaned in closer and gave her a nice hard
"Fuck you" look and
if Aunt Jemima is a real person,
she felt this look boring through the inside of the back wall of her skull
she felt it drilling through her eyes.
She did this to me, that ruthless bitch.
I screamed
Aunt Jemima, you disgusting cold
smirking nasty vicious heartless
evil callous brutal merciless
inconsiderate cold-blooded
savage wicked
bitch,
I am going to kill you.
I am going to kill you
and drizzle your
spinal fluid over my pancakes,
and we'll see who's laughing then.
I hope you crash your car into something
really lethal, Aunt Jemima.
I hope you die in childbirth.
I hope every time you pass a songbird
singing a pretty little song,
it stops and attacks you,
you dumbass,
look what you've done to me!
Aunt Jemima
you snotty bitch,
I said straight to her laughing
snotty bitch face
I took her and
poured her down the sink.
You're a vicious bitch,
Aunt Jemima,
I screamed as a
last farewell.

I went upstairs and brushed my teeth
and went back to bed until later that night
and I slept well knowing
Aunt Jemima will never
screw with me again.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
Last edited by Ganoosh at Sep 27, 2010,
#4
seriously, aaron... check the exp. date next time. stomach pain is one of the most uncomfortable, inescapable and brutal experiences to go through though, and you captured it well without being in the moment at the time (I think anyway)


one of the reasons why you gain a lot of uproar is because your pieces are entertaining. not everything is about love and lost hope and god and the evils of the world. you enjoy writing about whatever the fack it is you want to write about, and it's fun, it's fresh, it's silly, it's quirky; it attracts people, whoever they may be. well, it's a side of your writing, anyway. i know there are deeper, darker things that you have shown us, but for right now I'm just happy that it's not your focus, more for you than for anybody else.

there are so many silly and beautiful occurrences in the world and I've added this one to my list. hold my hand and I'll add another
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#5
Thank you so much Saadia, that made me smile.

This actually happened about two hours ago, except it didn't end with me killing the bottle of aunt jemima, more like just wishing I had made eggs.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#6
I absolutely love this piece, which is saying a lot because I usually hate pieces that are too silly or pointless.

But I feel you got a good balance between telling an everyday story and telling a bizarre sort of story. I especially like how it went from mood to mood with each stanza, and you kept a good narrative flow while doing so.

Another great piece from a great writer. Have you ever tried to get any of your work published? I'd definitely hit up my local book store for a copy of your book, whether it be a story or a collection of poems. You've got some serious talent.
#7
Nobody has EVER suggested me publishing anything yet, so I appreciate that you think that but I think I'm a long, long way off from being at that level.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I could. a) I don't have enough good stuff written b) I'm too young to be taken seriously c) I'm not Latin American, which seems to be in style if you're a writer. d) I just don't think I'm good enough.

Or maybe I lack confidence. Meh.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#8
This peice is the sex (that is not a joke, its actually a phrase i use). Wonderfully written, quirky, funny, mischevious...its got it all dude. awesome job and im realllllllly digging this new writing style you've picked up, its like it was made for you.

If u have a moment, id rly appreciate a c4c. links in the sig. thanks!
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.
#9
"I was like a ballet dancer.
I was making love to these pancakes.
I was the king of pancakes."

too many I am/was'es to not remind me of Fight Club imo, "I am Tyler's rage"
#10
Words cant describe how much I love this especially from here onwards...
"I leaned in closer and gave her a nice hard"

Keep it up

EDIT Would be nice if you could drop a word in any one of my piece...
Last edited by BloodCold at Sep 26, 2010,
#13
As saadia says, you're easily one of the most interesting writers posting here, if not one of the most interesting writers anywhere. You should be proud of this.