This started off as a Funk rock song for my Funk band Hooker's Green, but our drummer didn't like it so changed it for my Dramatic Prancecore/Progressive Disco metal (TM) band.

It still has some RATM influence stuff in it, and is probably the heaviest song I've written
so far.

I like all the parts, I just need some serious advice on how to make it flow better, some parts are seriously jaggedy atm

Any Crit is appreciated - If you want me to C4C, that's cool, just post a link with your reply

Cheers again guys
Last edited by benonbass1 at Sep 24, 2010,
It's so random, it's difficult to crit anything in particular . There was no hook, nothing to grab my attention really, no visible structure. I felt a little lost. The opening and closing riff was pretty strong though.
To be honest it reminds me a tad of earlier Dream Theater (think Images and Words), which is a good thing in my book. I liked it! I can't really think of much criticism for it to be honest, lol.

Also, don't worry about C4C, as I have nothing uploaded.

Damned Icon - Invictus

Quote by SYLrules88
im not very good with that harmonic thing. i get them to match perfectly then i play a chord and it sounds like hellen keller singing

Music Man
Mesa Boogie
Last edited by Nico the Great at Sep 27, 2010,
The hooks are mainly in the lyrics really, but I know what you mean about the visible structure. A lot of my influence came from BTBAM, which possibly explains it

Images and Words is their best album imo, so that's a pretty good thing in my book too Cheers for the input guys
First thing i thought was BOSS FIGHT. Def has the video game feel in the beginning. Pretty awesome song, lots of sweet grooves and great usage of strange time signatures.
I found it a little dry from bars 32-48 but it comes back all awesome and such.
I am curious as to what kind of vocals you would put over this.. could make a very good song if done right. Some parts reminded me a bit of After the Burial but with a little more um.. spice?

crit mine?
I feel like there is no structure. You could try to clean it up.
There are some powerful riff (intro, bar 25 to 30, the solo bar 77 like)

You should change the drum at bar 83, It a very potential riff, powerful rock sound. The drum is just not adjusted in consequence.

Other than that, just put more structure into the song.


Cheers again guys

Yeah, I'll definitely work on the structure. I think my main downfall is trying to force the choruses into it, I was trying to make it play to the lyrics.

There's a link to the lyrics Swashbuckle.

I'm thinking a mix of harsh screamed vocals and singing, with a mix of low and high screams. Protest the Hero stylee to an extent, but our vocalist prefers screaming.
Hey, thanks for the crit. Listening now.

I can definitely hear the Rage Against The Machine influence in the riff in bar 3 and the one in bar 11. The 10/4 riff seemed a bit unnecessary but that could probably just be because I'm generally not fond of that style of riffing. Liking the riff starting at bar 20, pretty catchy as is the riff at 57.

The bassline at bar 74 was pretty good but the 11/8 bar felt a bit awkward to me, I preferred it without the last sixteenth note and in 21/16, but that's just me. Didn't really like the breakdown that much and the transition afterwards felt a bit awkward. The build up in 108 felt a bit anticlimactic, I can see what you were going for there but I think it might sound a bit better with a smaller gap between it and the final riff.

Overall it was pretty good, I think the quality of the end product would be fairly dependent on how good your vocalist is though. Only thing I can think of which you need to work on really is the structure of the song and getting those transitions a bit smoother, but obviously you're already aware of that. Great job!