#1
ok theres 4 thing u shld no before i get started.. this is my first poist so im not used to the format, im posting this from my phone (so therell be typos), i wrote this while i had writers block, and its just a rough draft
verse 1
One day blood will drip from our papered skin
As we lie to the world that feeds on our flame
The sky that we reach for will fall down upon us
Our stories are different, but the endings the same
verse 2
The once great nations will fall to their knees
Look up to the sky and beg for forgiveness
If theres one thing ive learned from this lie that i live
When it comes down to it, god dont give a ****
verse 3
So sit your ass up and act like a man
Cause were broadcasting live and the whole worlds watching
Save all the sorrow for behind the scenes
We already know that deep down youre bawling
verse 4
Something in the way that every man
Changes their ways when behind closed doors
Theres noone alive who can fight the temptation
Of filthy young sluts and fresh virgin *****s
Last edited by jazar94 at Sep 24, 2010,
#3
this has nothing to do with basketball lol, its about ppl who want attention being exploited by the media.. thx for the comment tho
#4
I agree, it's songs like these that make me wish my dad had finished building a basketball hoop, but he died before he could complete one.

Thank you,

Much love
#5
Quote by MTObsidian
I agree, it's songs like these that make me wish my dad had finished building a basketball hoop, but he died before he could complete one.

Thank you,

Much love


Shit.
#6
alright if were gonna go with the basketball theme, can u atleast explain 2 me wat this poem has to do with basketball lol
#7
Quote by jazar94
this has nothing to do with basketball lol, its about ppl who want attention being exploited by the media..


I didnt think it was 'bout basketball but i also didnt realize that it was the theme you're saying...I like some of the lines here and think that the theme is pretty cool

So my take on this is that you need to tell the situation better and work some on your expressions,also i felt it was a bit cliche...

The best parts for me were verse 1 and 3

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1363218
#8
i have no idea wat C4C means, ive seen it said but never explained.. but, ya, the theme i was aiming for didnt come through very well, probably because it was rushed and i was just writing stuff down as it came to mind
#9
C4C means critque for critque,you're asked to see the person's piece and give your thoughts on it