#1
OK, I considered putting this in the relationship thread but since it has very little to do with relationships I decided not to. I went to my school's homecoming dance tonight and came home mildly depressed. My school is pretty informal about homecoming (Most of the guys were wearing t shirts and jeans) and doesn't require bringing dates. Because of this, it's basically a house party with dancing minus the booze and plus chaperones. Note: By dancing I don't mean any of that ballroom crap, I mean hot, sweaty grinding

This is where my horrible luck comes in. I've heard a wide range of advice on getting girls to dance with you, ranging from "just walk up and ask" to "just walk up and grab a handful (actual quote)." Problem is, NONE OF IT WORKS. It is nearly impossible to find a girl who is willing to dance with me at all, and the ones that do usually leave the second they see another available guy in the vicinity. Literally the only girl at the entire dance who spent any amount of time with me was either a lesbian who took pity on me or lesbian-leaning bisexual and only interested enough to not actively avoid me.

I don't consider myself a particularly bad looking guy (check my profile pic and remove the beard and glasses). Yes, I'm a geek, but I still hang out with a lot of people who aren't geeks and get along pretty well with them. I go to a school where "having bad luck with girls" means only being able to have sex with one person at any given event. The full extent of my physical progress with the opposite sex is light kissing. Once. And she forcibly ejected me from her life (I actually did something to deserve that but it's kind of beside the point here due to the fact that nobody at my school knows about it.)

So, I basically need solutions for my unsought and unappreciated celibacy. And don't say go to parties - I've known about a total of 3 the whole time I've been in high school. One of them was a sweet 16 that the whole grade (about 120 people) was invited to, one of them was a house party that I'm pretty sure the whole grade was invited to, and one of them was mine.

tl;dr HELP.
Quote by dr_shred
FrustratedRocka you are a legend

Quote by littlephil

The man clearly knows his shit.

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one of the best, educated and logical posts I've ever seen on UG in the Pit. Well done good sir.
#4
Get a box, and a dick. You know what to do.
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The truth is, Muslims never apologized for their faith having something to do with the attacks on 9/11.
#5
Stand above the rest. Then you'll be able to court the ladies.
Most of the important things


in the world have been accomplished


by people who have kept on


trying when there seemed to be no hope at all
#7
Quote by Nelsean
Stand above the rest. Then you'll be able to court the ladies.

in other words, when all the others are standing, stand on a chair
#8
Quote by RockGuitar92
Confidence.


That only gets you so far. There's a point where telling yourself "this time it's going to be different" and then watching it play out as the same exact thing starts to suck. A lot. I have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst because the worst is quite literally ALL THAT'S EVER HAPPENED as far as this goes.
Quote by dr_shred
FrustratedRocka you are a legend

Quote by littlephil

The man clearly knows his shit.

Quote by Banjocal


one of the best, educated and logical posts I've ever seen on UG in the Pit. Well done good sir.
#9
Quote by Nelsean
Stand above the rest. Then you'll be able to court the ladies.

He means, stand Erect

OT: just make friends with more people, preferably girls, and confidence is a big thing too
E-married to BlessedRebel15
Most Attractive Female 2011 ^^
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I'm not sure if you're aware of this or not, but everything is against the rules at UG
#10
Quote by :Vicious--
He means, stand Erect

So, if were combine these with mine, here is your ideal...idea

Stand on a chair while the others stand normally....with a erection...a pit appoved solution
#11
dude be charming
its aint hard and if its hard make sure they cant see it
#12
Quote by AJSaw

Stand on a chair while the others stand normally....with a erection...a pit appoved solution



thats what i do
#13
I'm usually horrible with women also, but there was a short time in my life that I was very confident in myself and it made it easier for me to "be myself" and it really does help...a lot. I consider myself to be pretty ugly also so the whole confidence and humor thing is essential.
So as cliche as it is...just be confident and be yourself.
#14
You don't just go up to a chick and ask her to dance. First, relax. Second, if you see someone who may have a slight interest, spark up a conversation first. But really, it could just be that clubs/dances aren't your thing. They certainly aren't mine.

...modes and scales are still useless.


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#15
I read "I gave horrible ****" and didn't read the OP.

So I'm gonna assume that's the case and
The UG Awards exist only to instill me with existential doubt.


For me, the 60's ended that day in 1978...

Willies. Fuck the lick and fuck you too.
#16
Quote by AJSaw
in other words, when all the others are standing, stand on a chair


You know... as weird as that may sound, girls love difference. Standing on that chair will bring so many women to you Just to figure out why you're so crazy. Impulsive, be it and you'll be on top.

Im dead serious about that shit.
Most of the important things


in the world have been accomplished


by people who have kept on


trying when there seemed to be no hope at all
#17
Quote by FrustratedRocka
That only gets you so far. There's a point where telling yourself "this time it's going to be different" and then watching it play out as the same exact thing starts to suck. A lot. I have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst because the worst is quite literally ALL THAT'S EVER HAPPENED as far as this goes.

It doesn't really sound like you're that confident. You sure you're not just telling yourself you are?
Quote by Tyler Durden
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Erowid
#18
Quote by TheBurningFish
I read "I gave horrible ****" and didn't read the OP.

So I'm gonna assume that's the case and


The problem is that I have no way of figuring out whether that is or isn't accurate.

EDIT: ^ I was. I still try to be, but it's pretty damn hard. My record of asking girls out: 6 attempts, 6 rejections. My record of trying to hook up: too many attempts to count, 0 successes.

There is also a complicated situation involving my friend who happens to be a girl. I'm not entirely sure whether or not I have feelings for her, and the part that does is reminded by my rational side that A) she has a boyfriend and B) I willingly signed up for the position of emotional tampon back before the possibility that I would end up being attracted to her entered my mind.

It's hard to be confident when you still manage to fail over and over and over again. I try anyway though and try not to let it show.
Quote by dr_shred
FrustratedRocka you are a legend

Quote by littlephil

The man clearly knows his shit.

Quote by Banjocal


one of the best, educated and logical posts I've ever seen on UG in the Pit. Well done good sir.
Last edited by FrustratedRocka at Sep 26, 2010,
#19
Quote by AJSaw
So, if were combine these with mine, here is your ideal...idea

Stand on a chair while the others stand normally....with a erection...a pit appoved solution

Height is the single most important factor women consider when they don't know about a mans financial status or penis size
#20
I think the only real solution to this problem is to not be 15.
"The future's uncertain, and The End is always near."
-Jim Morrison
#21
Solved. I'm 16


Quote by dr_shred
FrustratedRocka you are a legend

Quote by littlephil

The man clearly knows his shit.

Quote by Banjocal


one of the best, educated and logical posts I've ever seen on UG in the Pit. Well done good sir.
#22
Goddamit dude, just relax. Truth is, if you can't pick up on the dancefloor, don't bother. Just find someone, talk to her, if she doesn't run the fuck away, keep on talking. Other shit will come later
| (• ◡•)| (❍ᴥ❍ʋ
#23
Confidence. And if you want to lose your celibacy that bad just go find a hooker or something. Honestly being a virgin isn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be. I'm a virgin by choice, and I still have a lot of fun with my friends (who are of both genders).

On dancing, here's what my friends do - just go up to a girl and start grinding.
#24
Step 1) Show them your pic of you with Paul Gilbert.
Step 2) Realise they are much more attracted to Paul
Step 3) Awww man, this was such a bad idea
Step 4) ?????
Step 5) Roofies

But srsly, I can't offer much help, I haven't had much luck with the ladies myself.
But if the party I was at last night is anything to go by, ignore the fact that they are girls, and treat them the same you would treat some random guy you'd talk to at a party, or elsewhere. Though I didn't get anywhere further than talking doing this. . .

That Edit Again: Dude you're 16? I'm 20 and hadn't even kissed a girl 'till I was 17 and a half or something. Honestly you have loads of time to worry about it



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Last edited by that guy again at Sep 26, 2010,
#25
Being a guy with probably just as many horrible experiences with girls as you, you can choose whether my advice is legit or not.

My advice: You can't just have confidence, because while being confident is all and good, you need to have something to be confident about. You need to bring attention to yourself a bit as well. Show people the skills you already have, or acquire new interesting ones. Start lifting weights some as well, build some muscle. You don't have to be ripped shit or anything, and you don't need to play physical sports or any of that shit either, because I don't. I do it on my own time, and have already toned and built quite a bit of muscle. Lifting feels great, makes me look better, and makes me feel better about myself and more self-confident. Whether you get girls doing it or not, it's a win-win.

I've found that chasing girls is like a competitive sport, those who are the best are likely to win. I know it's a douchey thing to say, but it's true. You have to stand out, you have to be somewhat dedicated, and you have to show them why they should go out (or whatever) with you. Personality is nice, but sadly, it isn't everything. I really wish it was though.

So that's it. Like I said, I'm not a girl expert or anything, it's your choice. But even if you don't get girls with this advice, at least you'll have improved in some way.
#26
Just don't worry about it. It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal.

And don't think about the other kids at school. They all suck. Feel like you're better than them.
*-)
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i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

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#27
Quote by element4433
Just don't worry about it. It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal.

And don't think about the other kids at school. They all suck. Feel like you're better than them.


Pretty much this.
#28
I will have you know that I used to be terrible with women but lately I've had some pretty good confidence and more girls have been flirty with me.
Quote by Tyler Durden
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Erowid
#29
If you keep thinking "Oh yea, I'm gettin' some tonight" then it'll never happen.

1) Go to party with NO INTENTION of getting laid.
2) Be the coolest motherfucker in that party. (NOTE: Coolest DOES NOT EQUAL most drinks consumed. Drink, but don't go past your limit)
3) With a slight amount of liquid courage in you, stop being a damn wallflower and get social. DO NOT try to push the "Hey, I'm totally not trying to have sex with you tonight" vibe or NOTHING will happen. Just get to know the girl(s) you happen to be talking to. And for the love of all thats holy, DO NOT TALK ABOUT ANYTHING COMPLICATED. They'll get confused and leave. Keep the convo simple, keep it active, and if she seems interested by the end of it, then stick with her. If she shows continued interest, make SMALL moves on her (hand on shoulder/around waist) and keep it moving from there, because it'll show you're interested and thus show a common goal to her, which should be accomplished if you've done everything properly. Congratulations, you've just pulled a girl from a party, into your backseat, and you can now test your suspension ;P

A few words of wisdom:
- Girls are equally, if not MORE, in pursuit of sex as men are. If you're moderately attractive and confident (and she isn't TOO hammered) then you'll be able to get "there" by the end of the night. There are exceptions, but that's ONLY if they are too intoxicated to clearly give consent (assuming you give a damn about consent)
- SMILE. Don't blank face (unless you get that way when drinking, then by all means, crack an ice-breaker off that) girls like a smile, if you look serious then you seriously won't be going anywhere but home to your parents at the end of things.
You know, you're probably reading this saying "Hey, I'm bored, maybe this'll be funny?"
It's not. Too bad. No, I am not refunding you those 6 seconds of your life. So :P


#30
I think you might be way too boring, that used to happen to me all the time, also, be confident. You may say you are, but you totally sound like you are not.

Also, dont talk to them like they are so high and mighty, just treat them like every other human, because in the end, that's what they are.

I have a few things that might help you:
1.- Keep in mind at all times that there are TONS of girls you can meet, so if you **** up once, it shouldn't matter at all, just try again. Eventually you'll get someone.
2.- Don't be afraid to get rejected. You can and WILL fail many times, but don't take it too seriously, it's not like you are going to get incarcerated for not being able to pick some chick.
3.- Get some excercise, it does make you feel more confident about your general image and girls will find you more atractive.
4.- Don't be the guy who always talks about shit nobody cares about. LISTEN to what they say, make a joke here and there, flirt a little bit if you think it's proper.
5.- Something most guys forget is that all this is supposed to be fun, if that shit isn't working, then stop doing it.
6.- Also, try to keep this kind of thing for yourself. I mean, nobody likes to hear someone whine at a party about how bad they are with girls, how insecure they feel.
7.- The key to being good at anything is practice, right? well, there is the answer. If you see a pretty girl on the street, or at your school, or whatever, just go and speak to her. Even if you get totally rejected, you will get more confident when talking to girls and eventually you will get some action.

Hope that makes sense.
#31
Quote by Snap017
If you keep thinking "Oh yea, I'm gettin' some tonight" then it'll never happen.

1) Go to party with NO INTENTION of getting laid.
2) Be the coolest motherfucker in that party. (NOTE: Coolest DOES NOT EQUAL most drinks consumed. Drink, but don't go past your limit)
3) With a slight amount of liquid courage in you, stop being a damn wallflower and get social. DO NOT try to push the "Hey, I'm totally not trying to have sex with you tonight" vibe or NOTHING will happen. Just get to know the girl(s) you happen to be talking to. And for the love of all thats holy, DO NOT TALK ABOUT ANYTHING COMPLICATED. They'll get confused and leave. Keep the convo simple, keep it active, and if she seems interested by the end of it, then stick with her. If she shows continued interest, make SMALL moves on her (hand on shoulder/around waist) and keep it moving from there, because it'll show you're interested and thus show a common goal to her, which should be accomplished if you've done everything properly. Congratulations, you've just pulled a girl from a party, into your backseat, and you can now test your suspension ;P

A few words of wisdom:
- Girls are equally, if not MORE, in pursuit of sex as men are. If you're moderately attractive and confident (and she isn't TOO hammered) then you'll be able to get "there" by the end of the night. There are exceptions, but that's ONLY if they are too intoxicated to clearly give consent (assuming you give a damn about consent)
- SMILE. Don't blank face (unless you get that way when drinking, then by all means, crack an ice-breaker off that) girls like a smile, if you look serious then you seriously won't be going anywhere but home to your parents at the end of things.


Read the last paragraph of the OP - I haven't even known about a party since the middle of sophomore year, never mind been invited to one. I only know they happen - and they happen frequently - because the pictures usually end up on facebook.
Quote by dr_shred
FrustratedRocka you are a legend

Quote by littlephil

The man clearly knows his shit.

Quote by Banjocal


one of the best, educated and logical posts I've ever seen on UG in the Pit. Well done good sir.
#32
Quote by FrustratedRocka
Read the last paragraph of the OP - I haven't even known about a party since the middle of sophomore year, never mind been invited to one. I only know they happen - and they happen frequently - because the pictures usually end up on facebook.

Use it to your advantage. Make friends that regularly attend these things (it'll be good -- you can ALWAYS use a wingman, so long as the don't block you), use those pics to find people that go to them and quickly get friendly with'em (try not to say you found them through Facebook pics, try to have a genuine reason to be friends with them)

Boom. Instant party-crasher right here.

Damn if you lived in Texas we'd party, I could help you outta this slump XP
You know, you're probably reading this saying "Hey, I'm bored, maybe this'll be funny?"
It's not. Too bad. No, I am not refunding you those 6 seconds of your life. So :P


#33
Where are you again? If you want action in high school get a girlfriend. It's easier. And it's good for confidence.

EDIT: Also, dominate the conversation, unless you're not funny. No one remembers the guy who didn't say anything.
Last edited by captaincrunk at Sep 26, 2010,
#34
Quote by captaincrunk
Where are you again? If you want action in high school get a girlfriend. It's easier. And it's good for confidence.


NOT HELPING. Believe me I've tried.
Quote by dr_shred
FrustratedRocka you are a legend

Quote by littlephil

The man clearly knows his shit.

Quote by Banjocal


one of the best, educated and logical posts I've ever seen on UG in the Pit. Well done good sir.
Last edited by FrustratedRocka at Sep 26, 2010,
#35
They like it when you treat them like people. Because that's what they are. If you always have them up on a pedestal, you're always bending backwards for girls and acting like a desperate sod... Well, that comes across as creepy. Girls can tell when you're trying to play them and the ones that go along with it are playing the game too. Sometimes guys get a bit caught up and forget this.


Be yourself foremost. If you are yourself, then people can make an appropriate judgment of you and it will be only a matter of time before you find the right woman. Or maybe she'll find you.


As for game, you can't really teach it. It comes from trial and error.


Cheers man, don't let this bug you so much. Be a man!
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Last edited by H4T3BR33D3R at Sep 26, 2010,
#36
I know this sounds silly, but the real solution is to stop trying.
You who build these altars now

To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore