#1
The butcher dissmembering his victims you have been chosen to die, you know to much couldnt keep your mouth shut, now your body will rot a dead man wont say much a plastic bag burial shallow grave you will now know, no remorse theres a job that needs to be done, drugs control his actions blurry visions of death, threats followed through with violent stand over tactics, use fear to get what you want life is cheap it dont mean shit, a phycopath killing for a buck he dont give a f*ck got something to say? your life will end today never to be seen again a bullet in your skull or a knife in your spine your death is guarenteed brutal reality's of the life you lead............. i know it need a bit more work so let me know your thoughts on this piece or your interpretations, or how i could improve on it any critisism welcome. peace
#3
first off, the whole thing being in a paragraph made it hard to read.. but just by writing this youve shown you have some potential, you just need to practice more. the first song i wrote was kind of like this, and there still not the best, but my point is that the more you write the more ull develop and the better youll get.. also, try writing from the heart and not just trying to make it sound really heavy
#4
Quote by jazar94
first off, the whole thing being in a paragraph made it hard to read.. but just by writing this youve shown you have some potential, you just need to practice more. the first song i wrote was kind of like this, and there still not the best, but my point is that the more you write the more ull develop and the better youll get.. also, try writing from the heart and not just trying to make it sound really heavy

thanks for the crit man gunna put some more up, most of that i came up with when i posted it so its different to how i originally wrote it but yeh thanks for your input man