#1
What are some awesome ways to get a job pit?

"Dear director of Ahold corp.,

In the newspaper I read your job opening for someone to clean the floors. I would like to become the new director of your company. I expect you to be at my office in 2 days at 10 AM.

Yours sincerily,

The_Casinator"

or, to not get a job:

"Dear sir/madam,
I read about your need for a cleric in your new office. Hereby I would like to inform you that I am not interested.

Yours sincerily,

The_Casinator."

Do it.
#3
wat
Quote by UntilISleep
You have excellent taste in literature, dear sir

Quote by Primus2112
You have excellent taste in video games, good sir.

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You have terrible taste in signatures, idiotic sir.

kkoo
#4
Quote by Thrill-house
You like Lamb of God, so you're awesome.


Quote by Dopemgs

P.S: You like Lamb of God, so you're awesome


Quote by PsiGuy60
PS. To Conor:
You like Lamb of God, so you're awesome.
[/desperateattempttogetsigged]
#5
You know, to write a person who is offering a job. If I'm not using the correct terms, stop ridiculing me, tell me the right ones and I'll fix it.
#6
Dear Epic Records,

I see that you are not hiring. As such, I will be assuming position of President the 3rd Thursday in November. Have a good day.

Jake Schmitt.

P.S. I like french fries. You better not goof.
Quote by silhouettica
Oh, DON'T use a knife. It cuts through your strings. I did that once, thinking, its the Low E, its invincible. Turns out, its not...

Quote by Kensai
Awesome
#7
Dear UG,

I see you own a website, I like the internet. Thus I will start as a Admin tomorrow. My pay will £1,000,000 and I will receive mad bitches.

Cheers
Your Supreme Overlord.
#8
Dear McDonalds,

I see you are hiring. Unfortunately, I have just been hired at Burger King, making us enemys. I shall be waiting for you in the Modern Warfare lobby to settle this new found rivalry the old school way.

Yours truly, teH_p00ner

P.S. Most head shots wins.
ledzeppelin7510 wrote:

come on guys, this could be great for Portnoy; remember when Neil Peart left Rush to join My Chemical Romance? Oh...wait...
#9
Dear Sir/Madam/Hermaphrodite

It would be my humblest wish for you to send your recruitment officer (whom I notice is of the negro race) to my address to deliver your acceptance of my application. He may post the document through my letterbox, as my wife is understandably wary of the temper that kind of people carries.

I would inquire as to why you chose to employ such people. Perhaps you are of a homosexual persuasion and he coerced you into appointing him to the position, but a gentleman doesn't presume on such matters.

Naturally, the pitiful wage you administer to the current staff of degenerates you employ will needs be exceeded in order to attain my services. You are welcome to proffer a salary in excess of twice what you shell out to the pitiful swine that it will be my burden to bear to accept as my colleagues.

I am nevertheless pleased to be joining an entirely family-run business.

Yours

blue_strat
#10
Dear Guitar Center,

I see you are hiring idiot dicks who no nothing about guitars or centers. You are in luck for I know everything about anything for I am the center of the universe and will sure as hell ridicule you for not knowing these things. I will begin Monday and will require a yearly salary of Infinite Monies and swag.

The Shit-
Androidred0100
MY GEAR
Epi SG w/ Gibson Burstbuckers
Epi Casino
PRS Kit
Thinline Tele w/ SD 1/4 Lbs
Warmoth JM

Vox Nightrain
Marshall Class 5

Boss RC-20
DT EX-7
EHX Q-Tron +
EHX Big Muff Pi w/ Tone Wicker
Line 6 Echo Park

My PRS with SD P-Rails Build
#11
when i applied for jobs, it went like this:

get newspaper, look at possible opportunities.
pick up my phone, call my dealer, go see shauno and get smashed!!!
and thats why im unemployed.
#13
I have nothing to add to this thread, but I do want to give you kuddo's for liking Herman Finkers
You who build these altars now

To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore
#15
Leave a nudie pic of yourself on you potential new boss with a little note saying " Hire me and all this will be yours.
Quote by tacaco1000
yes, babies tend to become a blue gooey liquid when kept inside a plastic bottle in the dark for a year.
#16
Quote by guylee
Dear Pentagon,


We have a turd in the punch bowl.

I await your call.


Sincerely,
7204-10



Dear Taco Bell,

I saw that you were hiring and i refuse to apply until you bring that chiwawa back, he was a team player and did what he could to further your franchise. There was no need in firing him and until he gets his job back i am going on strike where you will not be able to utilize my awesome abilities with mexican food. I expect myself and the other picketers to recieve full pay and a burrito twice a day.

See you in hell,

You know who i am...
Gotta keep my eyes from the circling skies...
tounge tied and twisted just an earth bound misfit...

>CRYPTIC METAPHOR<


Quote by ilikepirates
ilikeyou.

not hated
#18
Quote by bass-man9712


Dear Taco Bell,

I saw that you were hiring and i refuse to apply until you bring that chiwawa back, he was a team player and did what he could to further your franchise. There was no need in firing him and until he gets his job back i am going on strike where you will not be able to utilize my awesome abilities with mexican food. I expect myself and the other picketers to recieve full pay and a burrito twice a day.

See you in hell,

You know who i am...

I'm pretty sure that dog died not too long ago...