#1
autumn ought to know i sought
to love her maudlin fallen leaves;

and it's all but her
that made my mind
fall also.
Last edited by michal23 at Sep 28, 2010,
#2
you edited the first line no? i liked it better the other way, it seems too fragmented now, with the line break after to. it weakens it as a first line, i think. idk, maybe you didn't even edited and i just read it differently, haha.

this didn't say much to me, to be honest. though, it had a certain tone that i found enjoyable. it's also like the first time ever i've seen you title a piece.
#3
Quote by cubs
you edited the first line no? i liked it better the other way, it seems too fragmented now, with the line break after to. it weakens it as a first line, i think. idk, maybe you didn't even edited and i just read it differently, haha.

this didn't say much to me, to be honest. though, it had a certain tone that i found enjoyable. it's also like the first time ever i've seen you title a piece.


I did edit it, I prefer the words this way round, but I agree about that line break, I'll try figure something out. I don't like titles

EDIT: Perhaps now it hints at a little more sense
Last edited by michal23 at Sep 28, 2010,