#1
A song I sat down in wrote in about 2 hours. Its kind of got a double meaning in it, one of them being in the song title, "Stars". Any type of feedback (good or bad) would be great.

Verse 1
I've never seen you so clear
In my dreams I've got nothing left to fear
These shadows only serve to show me whats right
The darkness doesn't always linger into the night

Pre-Chorus
And I don't always know what I need
But the wind calms and I know I'm free

Chorus
When I think I've seen the worst
I'll write away what hurts
And I know you'll set this world on fire
And I'll find you hidden in my deepest desire...alone

Verse 2
When I look at you I see my past
And everything I've ever been
I know you'll be there when I grow old
And a million miles couldn't break what you've shown

Pre-Chorus
It's not what I say that scares me
But the words I may never speak

Chorus
When I think I've seen the worst
I'll write another verse
And I know you'll set this world on fire
And I'll find you hidden in my deepest desire...alone

(solo)

Chorus
When I think I've seen the worst
I'll write away what hurts
And I know you'll set this world on fire
And I'll find you hidden in my deepest desire...alone
#2
Forgot to add the bridge right after the solo

And I left it behind, I'll never know what I'll lose
And I watch the time, waiting for something I might choose
#3
^ you can edit your thread, you know
It's ok for a song, but I don't really think it's very original (your rhymes are a bit obvious)
Your songwriting is a bit vague about what happened, what you feel, and what you think of it.
This is a thirteen-in-a-dozen song, but it's not bad.
#5
Some of this song is a bit obvious but after reading so many lyrics you see similarities everywhere.

Now onto the song.

The first verse, particularly lines 3 and 4, I like a lot and I think its the right balance between an opener and strong point making stanza. The pre chorus doesn't really say anything to me but it won't do with everyone of course. It just seems a little to sub standard compared to the first verse. The first two lines of the chorus are good, I have a tune in my head as to how they show go but that disappears for lines 3 and 4. It just seems a little too long for me.
Where's the rhyming pattern gone in verse 2? I know its not necessary but for continuity? The message is clear enough but I'm not sure a "million miles" is the best for that. I would offer an alternative but my minds gone blank :/. The second pre chorus is good enough, nothing wrong with that. The bridge is also fine but not sure about "something I might choose" sounds a little to vague for my liking.

Have you got a tune for this song?
#6
Thanks a lot for the input!
I do have music to this song and the last 2 lines of the chorus are different musically. The general progression during the verse is e to a (both open bar chords, only a little fancied up) and the chorus is e -> b -> a for the first 2 lines then a -> b for the second 2 lines.
I do agree the first pre-chorus doesn't really go with the rest of the song, and the "something i might choose" is a little vague. I may go back and try and re-work some of these parts.