#1
Any crit is appreciated greatly


Would you?


If right now were my time
If here was the end of my climb
Where would that leave you?
What would you still hold true?

If I were to leave you now
Would you even crack a frown?
Would you mourn for my loss?
Or would my void be for naught?

If you knew who I really was
Would you miss me when I leave?
Would you save the air I breathe?
If you loved me way back when
Would that love carry on?
Or would it like me, be gone?


Now that I’m gone
Where does that leave you?
Is this just a song?
Or my final words to you?

I didn’t change the world
I didn’t make a difference.
Does that ring true to you?
Is that my recompense?

The day that I leave you
Is the day that I give you
To write my legend
And to my suffering, an end

If you knew who I really was
Would you miss me when I leave?
Would you save the air I breathe?
If you loved me way back when
Would that love carry on?
Or would it like me, be gone?

If I left you today
Would you still pray?
If I left you tomorrow
Would there be sorrow?


If I never left you
Would you love me?
If I left you now
Would you still love me?

If you knew who I really was
Would you miss me when I leave?
Would you save the air I breathe?
If you loved me way back when
Would that love carry on?
Or would it like me, be gone?


To you
I plead one last time
If I left you now
Would you even cry?
My Solo Concept album Lyrics:
Void
#3
First of all thank you for the crit. I appreciate it. Secondly, I really liked the message behind this piece and that you executed it well for the most part. I really think the rhyme scheme held it back however. Their were just sometimes were it felt like a line was there just to fit it with the rhyme. Sometimes the piece felt forced. Anyways, I did enjoy reading this piece and hope to see more from you.
#4
Thanks both of you. I will crit your song soon. Can't at the moment. But i do find it hard for me not to rhyme sometimes. Just habit i guess.
My Solo Concept album Lyrics:
Void