#1
The next thing I post will be happy, I swear

She's such a sweetheart
twisting and turning under the fleece blanket
just hoping she's still pretty enough to light up the room
like the machine shop remix
she is
still waiting for her perfect day

Just another oddity to keep her up at night
It goes perfect with the tattoos of dark flowers up her forearm
and her unfeeling ex-boyfriend
who says he hates her
but still find his way over every other night
drinks all her vodka
fucks her
falls asleep with his head on her chest

It's the cuddling she can't stand,
she's got shit to do
webpages to browse
a warcraft character to level up
a dead dog to cry over
two more hits of coke to get her through the night
she doesn't have time to waste on
pretending to fall asleep
or realizing that
for that one moment
she's happy

Tired of feeling like a lost cause
but too tired to feel like her cause is lost
she'll talk to every boy that can pass himself off as cute
not quite realizing that she isn't
the kind of girl you fall in love with

She's the kind of girl that shakes her ass
and gets everything she wants
as long as she doesn't want to calm down

Now she wants to calm down
Last edited by greyeyedfire at Oct 1, 2010,
#2
I really like it, i think its great. especially:
"Tired of feeling like a lost cause
but too tired to feel like her cause is lost"
I think those are the 2 best lines not only because its a great play on the words, but because it pretty much sums up the whole song.

good job!
#4
I feel like this goes on just a little too long. It's good, certainly, but after a while the lines stop adding things. After a while, I, as the reader, already know this is depressing, already understand the mood of the piece, the situation of the girl you talk about. I don't think it needs quite so much of it, and as a result the piece drags on after a while and loses that 'hit', that strength. I'd suggest making it a bit shorter, trying to say only what is needed.
kill all humans