#1
This is where I casually burn all of my mistakes
Bless my integrity as it quietly re-awakes
Take me for what I am I'll take you, this is true
Save me from what I was, with my life I'll save you too

I'm falling again
rewrite all you know
rewrite your diagnosis of me

I'm sinking deeper
we've had some time to grow
we've had some time to fall in love

You know this isn't as scary as you want it to seem
But I wouldn't ever blame you if you just want to scream
If we're careful we can make it without a crack of the floor
If I'm careful you won't turn back to the door

This is where we carelessly throw the past away
Regain our unity, forget about the fray
captivate me with your subtle grin, my head spins
vindicate me, let's chalk this down as a win

Our hearts are racing
we're doing it right this time
we're doing everything it takes

Our feet grow lighter
Bodies touch in the glimmer of light
Bodies touch in an endless flight


The track in PC generated... My recording quality REALLY SUCKS, some crit on the comp would be cool! thanks.
Change of Pace
Last edited by PurpleBear102 at Oct 5, 2010,
#2
I don't have much to offer, because I'm not very well aware of what would fit a song. I'm more of a poems writer, really
That said, I like this, it has a certain 'find-out-what-it's-about-yourself-I-ain't-gonna-tell-you' quality that attracts me.

Remember that rhyming isn't the only thing that can help make a text flow, and that using fancy wordings for the sake of the wordings is only distracting the reader from the message.
I say that because I'm not very fond those things (not anymore, I used to rhyme all the time in my songs)
Sometimes you seem to use words that don't really fit the atmosphere. Always try to use the clearest wordings possible (I'm not telling you to use simple words, only to use clear formulations) so that the reader gets the message.
The trick is (I still haven't found how to do it exactly) to find the balance between 'not using everyday language' and 'being too vague because of unintellegible words'


I hope you can do something with this, but just keep doing whatever you please
#3
Wow everything is totally rhyming and the theme has also been used many times and I still cant say it's bland or cliche!
I love this,it's innocent and has a very nice feel to it...
You're skilled
#4
I'll change your title to "Change of Pace" because the other stuff is not necessary and against the rules.