#1
Don't know why, but it's true. Apparently this forum is a popularity contest. So yeah, fuck you, and stuff.

Spark a smoke on the corner of a street at midnight.
Police sirens howl by up the next block.

Take a moment to savour the taste of the sweet tobacco, the atmosphere of the empty street.
Bleary-eyed junkies are on the beat out of your sight: ease up buddy, don’t pay them no mind.

Just flick away that burnt-up match, steal glances at the reflection in your shoes while looking out for a cab.
Somewhere a train rushes by on elevated tracks, carrying urban society’s dregs, and the midnight moguls making calls on their last legs.

Remember that bar up on 54th and 3rd? Pretty sure they stay open ‘til way past dawn, or so I’ve heard.

While you beat it to that pay phone you can try to hitch a ride, though at this hour nobody but cops are passing by.

Try anyway; you might get lucky if you stick out that thumb.
After all you bought these clothes so they’d know you’re not a bum.

Pretty sure you’ve got change in your coat pocket, the few bucks you need for times like these.
She tried to clean you out when she left, but I guess she didn’t thumb every crease.

It’s a jungle, sometimes it makes me wonder how I keep from going under…

Streetlamps left glowing even when nobody’s out, making you feel somebody’s watching.

The loneliness you feel is not your own but that of the city, as you stamp across an urban tract whistling some childhood ditty.

As you approach the phone booth a lone car up ahead throws on its brakes, you watch it drive away, consider the call you’re about to make.

Dial tone, like the beating of a sparrow’s wings as he’s heading home.

A cough. ‘Hello?’

‘Yeah, Jimmy it’s me. Bob.’

‘Damn it, man, I told you not to call me while I’m on the-’

‘Now that don’t matter,’ light a smoke one-handed and puff away while you lecture ‘looksee here, you owe me, Jimmy. Owe me big, and I-’

‘But-’

‘Now just hush a minute, lemme finish. Debts gotta be paid before I can letcha go. Come and pick me up.’ Around the phone booth a strong wind blows.

‘I can’t, I can’t get off work ‘til three, man…’

‘Is Mickey managing tonight? Tellim I said you could take off early.’ You shield your cigarette with your free hand.

‘What? Um, yeah, I gotta get off to ask him. Can you wait a sec?’

‘Yeah, sure. Just tellim, and I’ll be on the line.’

A shiver runs down your neck.
Quote by silent caution
When i was younger i used to pee in peoples shoes and blame their dog
#2
tl;dr. lolwut.
Marshall amplifiers are the truest purveyors of rock and roll known to man.

"And give a man an amplifier and a synthesizer, and he doesn't become whoever, you know. He doesn't become us."

Holy crap, check this out!
#3
This is probably gonna get locked for an inapproprite not to mention stupid title...
Seriousaly where is your pride?
#6
lol, now no one took it seriously.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#7
maybe if you spent more time critiquing others and less time acting like a petulant child you'd be popular in this forum too.

as for the piece, there were a couple decent lines, but it was mostly lazy noir trope after lazy noir trope, with little exposition (implict or explicit) and even less resolution.
#8
**** ME? NO, **** YOU!
And that is all I have to say.. ass
What's the point of living if you're not living a dream?
#9
and apparently this is a bit of a cynical attempt at basking in the reflected glory of the popular kids.
some popularity contest this place is. Have you been in the community thread? the flakiest excuse for an illuminati like selection of elite controllers ever.
honestly, who's approval are you looking for? a lot of people look at this forum, be glad you have readers.
yeah, there is a lot of mutual backscratching crits but which is lame but that appears in any community, people sucking off other people over their every utterance, but for christs sake, either stop posting here or be the change you want to see in the world and impartially crit other people,

or even try to develop your own little splinter counter-popular kids culture

OR you could just join the bandwagon with the kool kidz and embrace the popularity contest.

regardless of all that business though, this piece feels half finished and just like empty noir cliches with a little bit of grandmaster flash thrown in for some reason. it has no real ending and only the briefest allusions to a middle or a beginning. there would be very little to make someone who doesnt know you, or anything about the piece, feel emotionally invested in this at all, or even really enjoy it on face value as its just a lot of textbook hackneyed imagery and diction.
(someone you were friendly with might have some short words of encouragement, but people you dont know and have never even courtesy commented on may look at it and simply have very little to say about it)

oh, oh. OR you could just stop bitching and be happy that anyone outside of your immediate family and close friends is reading and possibly enjoying something you have written. Thats whats gotten me through all these years.

but dont single out an individual and lash out that them (unless the piece itself is something special and not just whining about percieved injustices.)
there are many routes you can take if you think you are being overlooked.. throwing a little passive agressive wobbly isnt one i would suggest.
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------
#11
Ah.

Okay. Guess I'll just go kill myself then.
Quote by silent caution
When i was younger i used to pee in peoples shoes and blame their dog
#12
Everyone should probably stop feeding the troll at this point. You're giving him what he wants by posting here. He already realizes he's not going to have your favor.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#14
Qu'est ce-que? You can't describe it, IT is life, this felt really deep and stuff, I can hear those rocks and stones, the waterfalls that scream don't come back, maybe we aren't human and maybe we are just rocks are stones - passing on to the next life, like when I order a pizza from dominos, am I really paying for pizza as a human or am I a rock or a stone paying for pizza? This is what this reminded me of, of ordering a pizza. But man where are the pickles, there are no pickles, but there is pineapple but no one likes pineapple. The pickles are missing from your pizza, maybe the mountains and chemtrails echo our thoughts, those thoughts being where is the ****ing pickles!

That's all I can really say, sticks and stones man, sticks and stones.
#15
we should go ahead and stop spamming him... while he is singling out someone, he does at least have an actual piece, and hey maybe he was just being... very creative. So, anyway, let the kid have his fair shot.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja