#1
Im in dire straits.
can somebody help me? in dire straits.
No. Nobody.
Im alone. nobody beside me.

Dad killed mother. They bore dad to jail
and me to children's.
i thought that world sucks.
i thought that it's better to die.

i was on the edge of death.
trying pull my wrists open.
then i saw a god.
i saw the brightness.
i was alive.

Dad sat there fifteen years.
When i saw him he cried.
I didn't care. I left away.

i moved to new york. i got a job. i got money and home.
but still something was missing.

Im in dire straits.
can somebody help me? in dire straits.
No. Nobody.
Im alone. nobody beside me.

I heard that daddy died.
I did not go the funerals.
i hated dad.

Then policeman came.
They said that dad didn't killed my mother.
i was disappointed to myself. i depressed.
And left the world.
"He said I'm gonna buy this place and burn it down.
I'm gonna put it six feet underground.
He said I'm gonna buy this place and watch it fall.
Stand here beside me baby in the crumbling walls."

- Coldplay - A Rush of Blood to the Head
#2
Sorry, I just can't take this seriously. The lack of metaphors or imagery words makes it kinda stale and hard to feel. Use sensory words so the reader can picture it. (Oh and you use "I" alot).
Quote by zipmike
I sucked my grandma's dick for a dollar when I was 8.
#3
just watch what ppl say about my lyricks coz' this is the first time when i write them. so can u give me some advice.
"He said I'm gonna buy this place and burn it down.
I'm gonna put it six feet underground.
He said I'm gonna buy this place and watch it fall.
Stand here beside me baby in the crumbling walls."

- Coldplay - A Rush of Blood to the Head
#4
One of my good teachers always stressed in my writing to "Show, don't tell" You can show how you didn't care your father was in jail or how it was bright. Such small things will add up.

i thought that world sucks.
i thought that it's better to die.

The world bent me over
I summoned the reaper

You want to show the reader how you felt instead of telling. This is how many people interpret songs to their own liking. Although I don't think many peoples dads killed their mother hahaha
Quote by zipmike
I sucked my grandma's dick for a dollar when I was 8.
#5
Oh and aviod Proper Nouns such as Dad Mom and I. To help the reader better understand how you feel bout him or her, use words like "dog" or "scoundrel" or "animal".
Quote by zipmike
I sucked my grandma's dick for a dollar when I was 8.
#6
hey thanks for helpin me
"He said I'm gonna buy this place and burn it down.
I'm gonna put it six feet underground.
He said I'm gonna buy this place and watch it fall.
Stand here beside me baby in the crumbling walls."

- Coldplay - A Rush of Blood to the Head
#7
No biggie, Pay attention in English (errr language arts) class. I never thought all that shit'd come in handy haha
Quote by zipmike
I sucked my grandma's dick for a dollar when I was 8.