#1
I'm working on this article for my school's newspaper. it's a satire piece based on the blackberry fad. let me know what you guys think.

Blackberry to Open Rehab Clinics in 6 Major Cities Nationwide

WATERLOO, ONTARIO CANADA- RIM co-CEO Jim Basillie has decided to open rehabilitation clinics for Blackberry Users in select states across America.

Clinics were opened yesterday in New York, Los Angeles and Chicago. Following their first official day of giving treatment to the afflicted, the Los Angeles location was apparently fully booked for the next 16 years, with New York and Chicago each being unavailable for at least a decade. Lines outside of the treatment centers ranged up to multiple city blocks.

Different types of treatment offered within the facility include; group therapy, and a multidisciplinary team that requires the use of behavior, drugs and improvements in the social status of the patient. The withdrawal symptoms include intense cravings, irritability, hunger, anxiety and paranoia. These feelings prevent the individual from stopping use of their Blackberrys.

The “Crackberry Addiction” has become prevalent in the United States within the last four to five years. Studies show that 82% of Americans own a cell phone, Blackberry, iPhone or other device that is also a cell phone. Another study from a website has shown that, “Texting by adults has increased over the past 9 months from 65% of adults sending and receiving texts in September 2009 to 72% texting in May 2010. Still, adults do not send nearly the same number of texts per day as teens ages 12-17, who send and receive, on average, 5 times more texts per day than adult texters.”

An average American adult with a blackberry addiction is described as having specific symptoms including: red, irritated eyes from lack of sleep due to continuous use, sore thumbs from typing, and like a hundred friends on blackberry messenger. Studies have shown that user’s lives seem centered around the device, with heavy addicts using as much as 12 hours a day. They are known to appear distant, as if in their own world, constantly texting and probably won’t pay much attention to you in a conversation.

U2 singer and global activist Bono plans to open a clinic in some third world country within the next 24 hours. The widely known humanitarian will also play a benefit concert with Bruce Springsteen and Stevie Wonder to aid the millions of Americans affected by the epidemic. “BerryAid” is being sponsored by Google and MTV, with attendance estimates at around 500,000.When asked about his feelings regarding blackberry addiction Bono responded, “It’s just terrible; one of my best friends suffers from it. He used to be a great guy, always joking around and making new friends. He was the life of the party, until he became addicted to using his cell phone. Now he rarely leaves his house, and will only stop emailing and trying to beat the high score on brick breaker if he’s listening to music on his radio app or mapquesting the nearest White Castle.”

Many Americans are using alternatives to rehab, such as switching to an Apple iPhone or Motorola Android. Blackberry had previously released the Blackberry Torch 9800 Smartphone on August 12 of this year.
#2
Obligatory tl;dr post.


I shall now proceed to read it anyway.

You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.
There is a small mailbox here.



Steam: | PSN: Zeroxxed | Twitter:
#3


Blackberry addiction? It's not that hard to stop using it. It's a phone, not crack.
Quote by pielover375
So last year, I put some potatoes in this jar and forgot about them. Today, I found them, and when I opened the jar, there is a puddle at the bottom and it smells like alcohol. If I drink this, do you think I will die, or have I made potato vodka?
#4
Tbh, It's not particularly funny. The ideas alright, and some of the jokes have potential, but aren't hardhitting enough or subtly clever enough to promote many lols imo.

EDIT: I would of said Iphones are more addictive anyway, I barely know anybody with a blackberry, but taking the piss out of Iphone users is already a ongoing joke, but this angle on addiction, rather than calling them smarmy arses like usual, would have been nicely fresh.
Last edited by benonbass1 at Oct 2, 2010,
#5
it's for the business school's newspaper, so anything funnier than a 5/10 to ya'll would be like a 10/10 for them