benonbass1
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2008
100 IQ
#1
This probably isn't that good tbh


This is a Public service announcement,
Even though we could probably count
Everyone it means something to on our spare hands
(of which I, for one, have none)

For there is still much work to be done
despite the timeless web we've spun,
And so I feel we must press on,
Till word of mouth to them has come.

And if indeed they've sunk a fog
over their infernal duologue,
T(he)y choose instead to stand as one
Like them, like all the individua(l)ls.

For once it's you and me, my new we almost audibly glistening,
So as I turn my back your mirror cracks; I thank you once again for listening.


I'll match your crit, just post a link in your reply
Last edited by benonbass1 at Apr 6, 2011,
Knucklehead Dyl
oi oi oi
Join date: Jul 2010
51 IQ
#2
WITH GUITARS!!
Heard of the clash? Not saying this is copying, just interested.

As for the lyrics... I always thought that well yes, the words themselves are somewhat important, but the execution of them is probably moreso.
But as far as the lyrics go, looks fine...

Might not matter but in some parts whole lines rhyme in others it's only a couple...
Just something I noticed.