MobiuZ
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2009
120 IQ
#1
So here's a song ive been working on for a little while , the strcture is cinda experimental for me , since i dont usally write songs this way , but i felt like it made sense so here it is .

Its made WITH and FOR RSE.

C4C.
Attachments:
The Alamo.zip
Last edited by MobiuZ at Dec 18, 2010,
Tarbosh
accly was dolan
Join date: Aug 2009
150 IQ
#2
It's good for what it is, I suppose, but I always have the same problem with your music: It always sounds really generic, and I've never heard you try to innovate with anything. It seems like you try to substitute good songwriting with big orchestration. My advice is to go to your keyboard, guitar, or whatever it is you compose with, and come up with some stuff that sounds really cool. Avoid using generic chord progressions at all costs, that is the consistent downfall of your music. Take that small idea and expand upon it. Go crazy with small details, one is nothing, but a bunch makes the difference between an ok song and a great song.

Now, you don't have to listen to me, and I don't expect a crit from a review like this, but just take to heart the fact that by choosing to write music you have committed yourself to creating art, and what you're doing right now is the equivalent of cheesy clipart from Microsoft Word.

Please don't take offense from what I have to offer, just think about it.
MobiuZ
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2009
120 IQ
#3
ahhhw that hurts :p , no but its ok i can take it.

but you know i still have to learn a lot and pop out of my shell but as of now im still defyning my style and whatnot , but as far as regular chords go , i just like that you know , i dont like using weird chords and weird sounds , i make straightforward metal and thats what i like.

but anyway im interested did you listen with RSE or without ? makes a huge difference for me.
crizzack
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2010
10 IQ
#4
I had to use it without RSE as for I dont have it with my copy of GP5 but lemme break it down I'll start with the good parts and then the bad parts.

Good Parts.
I liked the build up in the first half. and the break that got my head banging
the bridge riff is very nice. solo/chorus/prechorus and all that, overall I like the first half. the verse was alright but didnt really catch my attention, I like the good use of the lead guitar.

I like the second half except the intro to it. and the last measure of the outro is kinda prolonged you pick a note then another note then another etc. I was thinking when is this guy going to end the song? the intro to the second half just sounded to odd you said in your response to that other guy that you dont like "weird sounds or chords" I guess we have a different opionon on whats weird :P I think it was too chromomactic sounding? I dont know how to describe it. one thing that caught me by surprise was the overall sound of the song. youd think with a name like the alamo you'd pick some sort of spanish/minor sounding scale, but it starts off with a major bright happy sound. but that doesnt matter
overall I give it a 7/10 and it didnt really sound too generic to me
jtaf
Registered User
Join date: Dec 2010
20 IQ
#5
Well, I thought it was good, if maybe a little generic, like the previous poster said. Its not a sin to learn new chords, man, lots of songwriters in rock and metal bands have experimented with interesting harmonies, from the beatles to led zeppelin. After all, if you choose to only use simple chords youre just limiting yourself. The same thing happened, to me, and now I'm trying to reverse that situation. My songs still sound "amateurish" and kind of cheesy, but they have gotten a little better. Of course, if the song calls for something simple, then use that. Just dont limit yourself.Also, I didnt like the intro at all, I thought the faster parts were much, much better

Can you please crit my songs btw? I posted them a few hours ago.
SelfmadeMe
Registered User
Join date: Sep 2008
10 IQ
#6
You're a good composer.
I remember listening to Ride Free Forever, which I dug and I like this one too.

On the topic of being too generic:

I don't think that your compositions are too generic in the chessy pop kind of way, but I think that your melodies are pleasant in the way of "I might have heard that before".
Don't get me wrong, I actually think that this is a talent. You are able to compose pleasant harmonies without sound overly cheesy. I think your songs could make the charts in one of those more popular sounding rock bands which, honestly, is a huge compliment.

Cheers
DushiPL
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2008
10 IQ
#7
Well I actually liked it. It's got nice arrangement and I agree with one of the previous posters that you make a nice use of lead guitar. To be honest the huge orchestration is not in my taste but one may like it. I'm rather into Stone Sour or Velvet Revolver kind of straight forward hard rock stuff.

Anyway to me it's a good composition. I'd love to hear it recorded and with vocals. Cheers and thanks for the crit on my stuff.
JWD32792
Registered User
Join date: Mar 2008
80 IQ
#8
I like it a lot man, Its pretty straightforward but it's good, especially if you eventually record it and put vocals over it. I don't think it'd hurt you to learn some more interesting chords to mix things up a bit but what you have is pretty sick!
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clanderson32
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2009
30 IQ
#9
Ill be critting as i go
- i like the intro, perhaps too much strings though
- the build up and break are good, nice leadwork here
-the bridge is just okay i guess
-verse a is good, but too much synth i think
-pre-chorus sounds good, still the synth overtakes most of it
-I really like the chorus, its nice and catchy
- bridge 2 is very meh
-same with verse 2 its very plain
-The theme is alright, i still feel the synth is very over bearing
- I like the solo, it changes up the song alot
-The next break is very nice, i love the brooding feel to it
-The build up last a llitle to long, perhaps just 4 bars?
-Theme 2 sounds very similar to alot of the other parts
-again the next solo is fantastic!
-Nice outro that connects back to the song

c4c? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1393006
Gravekeeper
Registered User
Join date: Jun 2008
20 IQ
#10
The style is indeed similar to my song, but I think yours is composed way better It reminds me a lot of maiden and that in a very good way! I liked everything about it, the only thing that bothered me were the underlying chords in Theme 1 and Solo 1. I don't think they fit a 100%. The break was brilliant and so was Solo 2. It may be a little generic, but in this song, that's not really a bad thing

8.5/10
Geldin
Registered User
Join date: Sep 2008
150 IQ
#11
Alright. Critting as I listen:

-Cool orchestration, but the strings coming in and out too suddenly is very jarring in the intro. I looked at the score, and it looks like you missed a few rest.
-It gets a lot more exciting in the break section, very Maiden, but it has a lot of string chords going, so it sounds very full.
-The Verse didn't keep my attention going. It lacked the same energy as the break. The prechorus was the same.
-The chorus was a step in a better direction, with a guitar part that sounded like it was going somewhere.
-The sustained notes in the bridge were jarring. They were much too long, IMO.
-I didn't like the dissonant chords in the second verse. They are very annoying and they don't serve any apparent function beyond that.
-I couldn't hear the solo at all.
-The break at 68 was interesting. The verse didn't really sound like a verse, although I can understand maybe a mantra sort of vocal style going there.
-The buildup sounded very generic to me. It had energy, but it wasn't interesting until the repeat's ending, but that was more because it broke the monotony.
-Same complaint for Solo 2. It was hard to hear buried under all of that orchestration.
-The outro was very sudden. I was momentarily confused by it. That ain't good.
-Also, the outro slowed down way too much. It was tedious to listen to.

I don't have RSE. The MIDI did sound different, for the better, but it was still flawed as I pointed out. It seemed to lack energy, IMO, and that didn't make a favorable impression on me. The majority of the percussion wasn't very strong or energetic, and the guitars weren't a whole lot better. It was well orchestrated, but the energy just wasn't there for me.

[GELDIT]
The solos were much more audible in the midi version you gave, so strike that complaint. They were very Maiden, lots of pentatonics, but in a good way.

C4C:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1394877
Last edited by Geldin at Dec 27, 2010,
pinguinpanic
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2007
70 IQ
#12
Writing as I listen, the beginning is nice, pretty moody, I somehow imagined it played with bagpipes :P. Riff at bar 10 sounds nice, very maidenish, sounds like something from the Bailey Era, actually the song that comes to mind most is The Angel and The Gambler, bridge sounds very maidenish again, but more A matter of life and deathish so to say, pretty nice though. I like the small piece at 22 for transition. I like bar 23, still maintaining the maidenish vibe. Pre-Chorus sounds good, like the melody. Everything seems to flow really well. The Chorus is nice too, would sound killer with some vocals slapped on top. This whole thing feels very maiden, which is good, because I love Maiden. Bridge 2, is a bit of a let down, it's okay on itself, but the chords somehow sound monotone if that actually makes sense, Verse B is nice again, what I'm missing a bit is the dynamics though, everything is nice but there isn't like, much build up and release of pressure, the solo is nice. The clean stuff after that actually kind of surprised me, at first I was like DID IT END ALREADY?, but then you deliver some eerie clean piece, the evil sounds the keys are making sound cool.

The piece is pretty nice but I think the whole thing might be a bit too dense, perhaps you should like restrain from using everything you have on every single piece so that you can make those things that you want to sound big, actually sound BIG. Because now, everything sounds big (I'm at the solo at the moment, awesome solo), and nothing really stands out. The outro clean part is nice, with the little sounds and everything.

I gave the song a quick re-listen without the keys, and to be honest, I didn't miss them and thought it actually sounded better. I always feel that strings kind of deduct from the heaviness/dynamics of a song, and I felt this was the case with this song as well. I always feel that the Power of most metal bands comes from contrast, which explains the often staccato played notes that metal has, where there are just small pauses where your ear thinks AH FINALLY NO MORE, and then a couple of milliseconds later it's bombarded with another note, but because there are always these keys in the background this isn't happening, because when the guitar is playing something staccato leaving silence in between the playing of two notes, the silence between those two is filled up by keyboard. If that makes sense.

I suggest when writing a next song, that you first write everything with as few instruments as possible, just two guitars, some bass and drum and make that work, and then afterwards compliment some parts you want to stand out with some extra keys. You have some really solid song writing under your belt though.

Off-topic: Nice to meet another Dutchmen on the forum, especially since you have similar music taste it seems. Do you happen to play in a band? Our vocalist studies at the HKU (Hogere kunst ding zoiets in Utrecht in ieder geval). If you do it would be really awesome if we could do a gig together there.

EDIT: Some of the problem might also be in the drum, although the drum you write is really nice, try getting a bit more contrast between more "types" of rhytms, because as far as I'm listening you either have the snare like this -X-X-X-X (where - is nothing and X is snare), or --X---X-. Try blending that with an a bit less snare heavy rhytm like ----X---
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Last edited by pinguinpanic at Apr 12, 2011,
huevos
Signt, oo Jaed?
Join date: Feb 2007
130 IQ
#13
Structurally, there is nothing wrong with this song. It flows from section to section coherently. However, there is nothing too exciting or unexpected from that formula. It's a bit too rigid for it's own good.

But this changes at bar 69. That tempo change and jump into clean tone with chromatic pedaling is really too inconsistent with your song's previous format. I suggest not bringing up this section so abruptly at bar 68. Maybe you could add a percussive 2-4 bar ratallendo between the main theme and this to make the distinction clear.

You do have some songwriting chops, but they are hampered by unimaginative melodic and rhythmic elements.
Think of it this way:
You've cooked a decent, albeit bland, meal.
From what I see here, there's potential that you could make something is not only readily digestible, but also incredibly memorable.
You just got make the right tweaks to your formula.