jakesc8
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#1
So, my band had a small gig today, just acoustics, and our bassist, who thinks hes the band leader, decided to change everything. I play lead guitar, and we werent going to use drums, so the drummer was going to play lead, and i was going to play rhythm. I was fine with that, until, today, i got a call saying to bring my acoustic-electric. I had already planned on that, but not amping it. But, instead, we were going to amp it, and have only one guitar going, not me. I was supposed to play the jimbay, a very boring instrument, but they still wanted my guitar. I got kinda mad, and told them since they just want my gear, im not going to show up. Then, 30 minutes before the start, when i went out to eat with the family, the bassist called me, telling me that he needed me to show up for one song. I couldnt get a ride there, so i told him i couldnt make it.

so later today, he texted me, asking if i still wanted to be a part of the band. I said yes, but that i dont want to be taken advantage of. He respond saying that they werent taking advantage of me, and that bands share gear and all that. I get that, we share gear all the time. But when you need my gear at a gig where i dont get to use it at all, its not right. Then he told me "i called you and told you that i needed you for (a song). Dont be stupid." But that was after i couldnt get a ride, 30 minutes before we went on. I told him that, and he said "whatever" and i didnt respond.

So am I in the wrong or are they? I am now contemplating quitting the band, because im moving at the end of the schoolyear. What should I do?


Sorry for the walls of text.
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jakesc8
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#3
Theres no band leader. Democracy type thing.
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sooperduper19
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#4
it sounds like you both kinda douched. it was your bands gig so you should've been there at least for support even if you didnt play. but i can see why you'd be mad.
jakesc8
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#5
They didnt need me.
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Last edited by jakesc8 at Feb 5, 2011,
C_Miller
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#6
I actually disagree with the above statement. If they went around him and decided that he wasn't going to play at all at his own band's show, then he has absolutely no obligation to be there. Bands are a unit and if certain members don't feel that way, then it's time to peace out.
thetimmster
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#7
Bail.
Granted, you could have handled it differently, but your bass player bears 90% of the blame for this one.
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conor-figgy
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Join date: Jul 2009
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#8
You play guitar, you are the bands guitarist. Don't let people chop and change your role in a band. The drummer plays drums and he should stick to that. What do the other band members think?
7DeadleySyns
7DeadleySyns
Join date: Aug 2010
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#9
Dude I understand completley what your saying, no band member should ever assume any leader position, unless ever members like agrees on having somone in charge if whatever. And honestly i don't think it's fair that he tried to downgrade you instrument wise, and I also applaud you not showing up, and he shoulda got the hint that you weren't happy. Ohnestly I think you and your entire band should just sit down and talk it out. Bands like relationships, just gotta keep everyone happy lol. And about you moving, well my dads in the airforce so I moved all over the world every. Couple years, so I can tell ya it's probably better to just leave haha. There will be other bands and other gigs.(:

Hope I helped!
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jakesc8
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#10
Thanks guys. I just talked to the drummer, he apologized saying that it was his fault, but, I dont think its him. So i told him that. he said "yeah ok"

I just dont know what to do. We are gonna talk about it Monday. What do you guys think i should say to them?
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Weaponxclaws
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#11
Maybe you should suck it up and deal with it like an adult. They were clearly wrong, but so were you in a way but trust me, asking us for what to say to these people isn't going to help you out. Get some respect for yourself and talk with them on your own. We can't hold your hand through this. Sorry to sound harsh but everyone should learn how to fight their own battles...
jakesc8
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#12
Chill out. I dont want to sound like an unreasonable jerk and have everyone hate me, like you just did.
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AlanHB
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#13
Doesn't sound like this band isn't worth the effort either way. Yes, you shouldn't have acted like such a baby and not showed up when you didn't get your way. Yes, the bass player shouldn't have been so rude about it.

But seriously, it comes time to gig and you guys don't even know what instruments you are going to play? Man, what exactly have you been doing in the meantime?
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jakesc8
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#14
its not that I didnt get my way. Its the fact that they were taking advantage of me and my gear.

When it comes to planning, we arent the best. I try to plan things out, but my bandmates dont put in the effort. We knew about this thing for months, and whenever i said "what songs are we going to play? When is it?" they just said dont worry about it. I have talked to them multiple times about planning things out, but it doesnt seem to stick. This band was the only thing holding me down here, so, now it doesnt matter when I move.

Should I just stick with it until I move, or run now?
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Cowless
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#15
Quote by jakesc8
its not that I didnt get my way. Its the fact that they were taking advantage of me and my gear.

When it comes to planning, we arent the best. I try to plan things out, but my bandmates dont put in the effort. We knew about this thing for months, and whenever i said "what songs are we going to play? When is it?" they just said dont worry about it. I have talked to them multiple times about planning things out, but it doesnt seem to stick. This band was the only thing holding me down here, so, now it doesnt matter when I move.

Should I just stick with it until I move, or run now?


If it's bumming you out like this, man, I say bail. It ain't worth it hanging around people who mess you around like that.
jakesc8
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#16
They are all really cool guys, my really good friends. It's just that since the bassist's family is wealthy, things kinda go to his head, and he thinks he is the leader, and changes parts last minute. He likes to play guitar, and some songs he plays, using my guitar, amp, and pedals, so i dont know where the sharing thing comes in. And I use his bass, Im totally fine with that. I enjoy bass. But forcing me out of my instrument totally is too much. And he told me that he didnt get to play guitar for half of the set. They posted a video of the gig earlier. I watched it. It was 10 minutes long, it was a 10 minute set. He played guitar the whole time. So, he lied to me. He is a little bit of a control-*****, and i guess just doesnt know boundaries. I dont want to ruin my friendship with these guys, so Ill tough it out.
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krypticguitar87
thats that...
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#17
you know you could have just asked to play guitar at the gig.... it is your guitar. also I won't go out and say that my band is the best at planning (we don't usually decide our set list till a couple hours before a show), but we always know who's playing what instrument for each song. I wanted to note that even a democracy needs a leader, you can all sit there and have a majority rules thing going but that leads to a hell of a lot of procrastination. someone needs to keep things on track. my band is kind of a democracy but we still have a leader, he doesn't make all the decisions, he just makes sure we decide on what we plan on doing as a whole....


also why didn't you guys bring like bongos or something? or maybe more than one acoustic guitar? both of those would have been more interesting to play, and everyone could have had fun, it's a band not a job so you're supposed to have fun.

all I'm saying is that even if there was a gig that any member of my band had, even if I wasn't needed, I would be at that show. you guys are friends and sometimes it means more to be a friend than to worry about wheather or not they can do the job without you.
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DanielShaw123
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#18
He was in the wrong man, don't stress it. You guys will get over it, and in the future just let him know where you stand with shit.
jakesc8
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#19
Quote by krypticguitar87



also why didn't you guys bring like bongos or something? or maybe more than one acoustic guitar? both of those would have been more interesting to play, and everyone could have had fun, it's a band not a job so you're supposed to have fun.




They had a jimbey, and two acoustics, but they wanted my acoustic-electric. I was supposed to play rhythm, and that changed, but they just wanted my guitar, not me to play. After I told them i wasnt going, and had gone out with my family, they called telling me that i could play ONE song. I still wouldnt have been able to get there, as i didnt know how to get to the place.
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krypticguitar87
thats that...
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#20
Quote by jakesc8
They had a jimbey, and two acoustics, but they wanted my acoustic-electric. I was supposed to play rhythm, and that changed, but they just wanted my guitar, not me to play. After I told them i wasnt going, and had gone out with my family, they called telling me that i could play ONE song. I still wouldnt have been able to get there, as i didnt know how to get to the place.


oh I got that, it was just that it sounded like there was only one guitar and the djembe, and I just thought that bongos sound more fun than the djembe (I don't really know for sure I've never played a djembe)... I do have a question though, why wasn't the drummer playing the djembe? also why is everyones parts all interchangable, do you all know how to play everyone elses parts?

I will still say that you probably should have gone anyway. just told them that you would play the djembe for one song, and you wanted to play guitar for the others, sometimes you need to compromise, but don't let your part in the band change. don't be a dick about it just let them know that you wan't to play guitar not some lame drum, after all you need to have fun. and remember it's a band not your solo project so you shouldn't get mad about you not being a necessity for the band to perform, infact it should make you happier because now you know they want you to be there and they aren't just keeping you aruond because they have to...


note to self: djembe is kind of fun to type
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jakesc8
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#21
Well, for two of the songs, the drummer plays guitar for. Im fine with that, but, i was supposed to play rhythm. Im totally cool with that. But when the bassist told me i couldnt even do that, and to bring my guitar for him to use, that felt a little much. I watched the video of the performance, it looked like they didnt need me for the set, that I would just have sat there, doing nothing. I dont know. Im not going to make a big deal of it.
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Weaponxclaws
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#22
You already made sort of a big deal about it and I understand. These guys obviously aren't worth your time if they are gonna treat you as such. You sound like a (somewhat) reasonable person so maybe you should just stand your ground/compromise or just get out as mentioned before. You should not continue to take this abuse or else you end up as the triangle player. I was pushed in a band before and I had enough of it. I was the lead player but they didn't want me to play anything that didn't suit their needs nor was I allowed to play/double the rhythm part (they just wanted me to stand there until a solo or chorus came up). I left, brought the rhythm guitarist with me, and we traded positions as I prefer to play rhythm so I can do vocals as well. Then we started our own band and he tried to get me to play the rhythm parts HE wanted under his solos and such and if I didn't, he made a big deal about it. I told him, as rhythm guitarist and vocalist, I should be primary songwriter so he left too. Now I do everything myself and it's fantastic!

tl;dr? Stand ground, leave for another band, or go solo. Don't let them boss you around. You deserve better (maybe, I don't really know you and I am only hearing your side of the story but it sounds like they douched more than you did).
SlackerBabbath
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#23
Quote by jakesc8
Thanks guys. I just talked to the drummer, he apologized saying that it was his fault, but, I dont think its him. So i told him that. he said "yeah ok"

I just dont know what to do. We are gonna talk about it Monday. What do you guys think i should say to them?


Tell them that deviating from the rehearsed or planned set at the last minute, to the point that people are playing different instruments to the ones they were expecting to play, is seriously unprofessional.

Also, ask the bassist how he would feel if you told him that at the next gig he wasn't going to be playing bass but a tambourine instead, and that you'd still expected him to bring his bass along for someone else to use. Ask him if he'd feel insulted.

Don't get all up in his face, just ask him calmly and rationaly.
That's the way to win these kinds of arguments, make them see it from your point of view by asking them how acceptable they'd find it. Once he admits he can see your point of view (which he'd pretty much have to unless he wants to lose face, especialy if the drummer is backing you up on this) tell him that you feel hurt that he would treat you this way, but that you are willing to forget about the whole sorry episode, just so long as something like that never happens again.
conor-figgy
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#24
You could shove your bassist's bass up his ass right before the next gig and ask him how he likes being shafted at the last moment......just an idea.....
axemanchris
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#25
Quote by SlackerBabbath
Tell them that deviating from the rehearsed or planned set at the last minute, to the point that people are playing different instruments to the ones they were expecting to play, is seriously unprofessional.


This.

You guys get together, rehearse, and are prepared for a show. Nobody - NOBODY - has any business at all trying to make changes to songs, arrangements, endings, instrumentation, personnel, or ANYTHING at that point in time. Nobody.

Based on that logic (obvious logic....), this whole thing should have been a non-issue. The bass player would have mentioned it to the other guys (he did do that, didn't he?) for their approval before contacting you, and the other guys would have been, "Huh? WTF are you talking about? That's the stupidest thing I think I've ever heard." It would have died on the table right there and been done.

Failing all that, even if you were only playing djembe, it was your band's gig and you should have at least been there for support. A band doesn't have to be a democracy, but it does have to be a team.

CT
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SlackerBabbath
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#26
Quote by axemanchris


Failing all that, even if you were only playing djembe, it was your band's gig and you should have at least been there for support. A band doesn't have to be a democracy, but it does have to be a team.

CT


Good point Chris, although, to be fair, his annoyance is understandable.

Most experienced musicians have met the kind of person this bassist seems to be, the guy who simply assumes he's the band leader then assumes that everyone will follow his ideas simply because he suggested them, regardless of how ludicrous they may be, and more often than not, their ideas seem to be all about making themselves look better rather than the band as a whole.
It's just ego, pure and simple, so the next time he comes up with something similar, which he more than likely will, just laugh and pretend you thought he was joking. Hopefully he'll just turn around and laugh along with you. That usualy works because a person with a big ego usualy craves acceptence.
axemanchris
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#27
Agreed.

CT
Could I get some more talent in the monitors, please?

I know it sounds crazy, but try to learn to inhale your voice. www.thebelcantotechnique.com

Chris is the king of relating music things to other objects in real life.
jakesc8
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#28
So, I talked to the bassist today. Because he is the only one really concerned by this. But, it doesnt seem like he is mad at me. we didnt have a serious talk, it was like a hey, whats up thing in science. I think itll be ok. Im not going to blow this up any more. Its not that big of a deal.
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SlackerBabbath
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#29
Quote by jakesc8
But, it doesnt seem like he is mad at me.


I should think so too, seeing as how it should be you that's angry at him, not the other way around. He certainly has no justification to be angry with you.
Punk_Ninja
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#30
I think you really should have enforced the importance of sticking to your roles/the practiced set.

Last minute changes always begs for incredibly bad performances, even if they seem small and unimportant.

For a good show, always stick to how you practice it/practice it how you'll be doing it.
jakesc8
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#31
Yeah. The whole thing really wasnt planned well, it was finalized 2 days before. I was going to talk to them all today, but school was cancelled due to the weather.
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jakesc8
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#32
OK. Just talked to bassist. Its all good. Thanks guys
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801Current
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#34
Just set some standards...like if they are going to use your equipment and want you to play the jimbay and you dont want to you should say no I don't want to do that if that is all I am going to do..and if you guys just want my guitar then come by my house and pick it up...because yeah you are in the band you should support all of the gigs...but if you don't want to be there give notice.. supply the equipment.. no don't drive it to the band then you are a bitch say you can meet me come and get it.. then if they really need it they can get it and you are not their bitch. sounds like it worked out anyway
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