Uber Man
I <3 Four Strings
Join date: Sep 2008
1,022 IQ
been working on this song on and off for a while, and i think i just finished it. But i thought I should see if you guys can find anything really bad in here i should change before i record it.

I've got like half the lyrics written. The vocal melodies without lyrics are just temporary and may end up different when i write more lyrics (they're just melodies i was humming while listening to it)

The song turned out a little more poppy then i'd like a six and a half minute song to be, but oh well, I'm thinking of making half the pre-chorus a scream part to counter that. But what I'M REALLY HAVING TROUBLE WITH, is the bridge. I think i might just take out the breakdown and second Bridge B, and either leave it like that, or try to make a better breakdown, hell, a solo might fit there nicely, I just hate writing guitar solos...

ANYWHO!!!!!! I will differently C4C, i just ask you leave a link to the thread of your song

*edit* New WIP breakdown on post 7
teh song aye rowt.zip
Last edited by Uber Man at Feb 9, 2011,
Straight Outta Compton
Join date: Oct 2007
1,354 IQ
Leave the (or a) breakdown. You had enough before it and after it, there is only one; I see no reason to remove it if it's adding a beefy zazz to the song haha.

The vocal melodies were the only part that distracted me. The song is structured well, it's listen-able, and yes even poppy (which by no means is a negative thing). I would definitely scream some sections unless your clean vocals are going to be extremely varied, because the vocal line you have planned are boring, quite frankly. I also think "Vox 2" makes it a little cluttered at times.

Time to go to school. Work on this, it's good.
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Better nate then lever
Join date: Jul 2007
1,007 IQ
that was a great song, as to your concerns, keep the breakdown, just fix it, breakdowns with a stop and just drums every 4th measure are so cliche and over done, and just personally i cant stand them. your song reminds me a lot of misery signals so take a look at their breakdowns and try to model yours similar to that. i loved what you did with the vocals, and id definitely like to see this in a finished version. i guess the only complaint i could pull up was it seemed a little long but thats probably just guitar pro working its boredom magic lol. your riffs were all very original but i feel they could use some varience here and there, try to stray away from straight counts in measures a lot with the leads, give em some feeling here and there and youll be set with eveything the song needs.

mind giving mine a look: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1408874
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UG's Misery Signals Fan
Join date: Jun 2007
2,568 IQ
At first, I saw the title and was expecting another one of those generic metalcore songs that have been posted lately (because these people misuse post-hardcore to much) but I really like this. It sounds really solid. I really liked the build up you had for the breakdown, but the breakdown is just okay. You could really improve on it and give it a bit more of an impact. I'll upload my own version for you. You can take it or leave it. I also added a drum fill right before too. Besides that this song is really good.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1403847
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guitar ben94
plays guitar.
Join date: Mar 2009
1,291 IQ
This Song. Is Epic.

Record it please and tell me when it's done

Seriously, I really liked it. Had some greats riffs. Flowed nicely. All round good job!

Btw, I think the the part where you suggest screams would sound amazing with screams
King of Bacon Pancakes
Join date: Oct 2007
5,773 IQ
This, I love this.

Just work on some more interest in the breakdown and you've got yourself a killer song.
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Uber Man
I <3 Four Strings
Join date: Sep 2008
1,022 IQ
thanks for the input guys. I messed around with the breakdown, and got a better (less cliche) one with a much better transition (i took synestershadows idea but used a guitar fill instead of drum fill). But I don't really know what to with it now... I don't want to repeat it 4 times... or should i just do that and have some screams over the last two times? Or is there something else you guys may be able to suggest?
Last edited by Uber Man at Feb 9, 2011,
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2007
4,004 IQ
Cheers for the crit on mine.

I quite liked this, actually sounds really similar to the stuff I'm writing these days. Especially since your intro rhythm is actually almost the same as in one of my songs. Not saying you copied me, just thought that was quite interesting ha. The rhythm in the bridge A was really cool, probably one of my favourite parts of the song, along with bridge B.

I did think it got a little boring after the first chorus as it repeated everything so far with no variation. I think you could maybe change the second verse at one point so it's kinda like a breakdown. Like, the vocal melody continues but the rhythm of the guitars and drums are like a breakdown.

As for the breakdown, I thought the guitar fill transition felt a little awkward. It was a bit too much of a sudden change of tone in the song. I think maybe you can repeat the breakdown again but make up a lead line to go on top of it while some singing/screaming happens as well.

The outro was really cool, but I thought it would've carried on for a little longer, which I think you should probably do, just by 2 bars maybe. See how that sounds if you want. The song flows really well together thoogh, good change of paces throughout too, and the vocal melody was good for the most part. Try some of my suggestions if you want, but nice one man.

I know you already critted one of my songs, but do you think you could tell me what you think of another one of my songs? Either https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1399887 or https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1403266

I'll be happy to return another crit to another one of your songs, I'd just like to know what you think as we have seem to have pretty similar tastes in music.
Last edited by Seb1uk at Feb 9, 2011,