Better nate then lever
Join date: Jul 2007
1,007 IQ
hey everyone, another new song, working hard writing music for my band and really trying to combine the catchy-ness of pop music and simple and minimalistic ways of djent/core, so have a listen and gimmie your thoughts, c4c

ps. im thinking of extending the piano at the end, any ideas?
memento f#.mid
memento f#.gp5
memento f#.gp4
memento c.gp5
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something

twitter: @victorstaygold
Join date: Sep 2006
154 IQ
first of all thanks for your time and comment! so, i listened to your composition and i can say i really enjoyed it. So in details:

- Personally i don't like the change from the first (great) heavy part to the second (bars 23-24). Maybe add a longer drum solo to close bar 23 and jump off to the new section? Just an idea!
- Liked a lot the lead guitar work (bars 27-42)
- Goes on nicely
- Nice pass to bar 57.
- Also like before, at bar 66 where you go to an other section, it doesn't sound smooth enough to me. Give the first part a bit more time to end before going to the next bar.
- Bar 83: I broke my neck! \m/
- Very very nice melodic outro. Fits nice to the song.

That's all from me! Good job mate!
Lead the way
Join date: Jun 2007
55 IQ
Not the biggest fan of american metalcore, but for the thing that you wanna do that song is perfect!

And yes, the piano at the end could get some "stretching"
...and the eradication of hope is the greatest crime against humanity
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2008
451 IQ
Critting as i listen.

Interesting choice of tuning haha. I imagine you've got some thick ass strings. Anyways haha..

The intro was a little bland with the chugs... if they had a progression of some sort it would bring a little more life to it.

I loved the verse starting at bar 24, had lots of life and a good upbeat feel.

bar 43 on could have some potential if you changed up the rhythm a bit or if the vocals add some spice it might be alright.

wasn't a big fan of the breakdown

back to the sweet verse.

the second breakdown was pretty decent and when the piano eventually came in it filled it out nicely. good job.
UG Board King
Join date: May 2007
3,093 IQ
I'm all for down tuning but this just doesn't sound right, maybe it's just GP. I think even drop G is pushing it so F# is too far in my opinion.
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Better nate then lever
Join date: Jul 2007
1,007 IQ
Quote by frankibo
I'm all for down tuning but this just doesn't sound right, maybe it's just GP. I think even drop G is pushing it so F# is too far in my opinion.

if you dont like the f# i included a version in c so you can check that out too =)
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something

twitter: @victorstaygold
Trance/Metal Synth player
Join date: Apr 2007
748 IQ
Hey dude, Thanks alot for the crit earlier!

For one, those are definitely some interesting tunings. Wasn't expecting them, but they gave the song a different sound than what drop D or C would I guess. I really like the dissonant that the lead guitar plays for the first four measures. I know I've heard something like that before in songs but it sounds unique, although it definitely wasn't preparing me for metal haha.

I enjoy the next section (I'm guessing a verse?), plus the fact that the opening melody plays INTO the verse. that's definitely cool. They guitar rhythms get changed up and are cool but it feels like its lacking something. With lyrics in it should be fine (so I guess just like in my song lol). I don't really like the transfer to chorus I (measures 23-26). I see where you are going with it (i.e. to lead in to the chorus) but I don't think it works.

Chorus is a standard metal chorus, I guess. The chords sounded good but were just power chords so nothing to wild here haha. I also thought that the lead guitar was well executed here. It adds another layer to the chorus (good thing) while not taking over the chorus completely with crazy wankage and stuff.

I guess the next part (until the next chorus) would be an extended breakdown. Pretty sick, I would definitely \m/ (X.X) \m/ to that live haha. However (and this is something I've noticed throughout the song) the drums are kind of lacking. Especially in breakdowns, the drums are really what get people to go crazy. So I would'nt change the guitars (although you could throw in a couple little cool fills just for fun) but the drums need work, especially here.

this may or may not mean write a new drum part. For example, many times when I have band practice I will bring a recorder and record what our drummer plays then type it out later in GP and put it in the song. He's much better at me than coming up with sick drums (which is how it should be, IMO, I'm the keyboard player) but doesn't tab them out. So it might be easier to just let the drummer come up with the parts, then put them into the song and make a few changes if need be.

OK at this point I realized you had a drop C version, so I switched to that one. ahhh...sounds much more...natural for metal XD. I would say the tuning is a personal preference but its easier for me to listen to.

Ok so chorus 2 is same thing, fine. I think sometimes it is cool for a second chorus to be the same thing as the first, just as sometimes it is cool for it to be a little different. Variety is the key and I think that either option is fine as long as EVERY song doesn't do the same thing, you know?

The next breakdown is sweet, even better than the first. The qtr note triplets are a great idea, as are the harmonics. no complaints here.

Yea the piano part DEFINITELY needs work, and as a piano player I feel like this part is what I would be most qualified to help with haha. The chord progression is great, but it was obviously not written by a piano player. For one, the first track (which I would play with the left hand) would be really hard for most people to play simply because of how far you would have to stretch your hands to make it possible. It is definitely playable, but not in a normal way. check out this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UhW8MTzaNM
I thought of this song when I heard the piano at the end and thought you could use it as a good example of piano in metal breakdowns. Even though it *sounds* complicated, its really not! the left hand is playing arpeggios (root, fifth, octave, root, fifth, octave, root, octave, change to different chord and repeat) while the right hand is playing different chords (sometimes just octaves, sometimes more full). So you might want to consider making one of the piano parts a bit more rhythmic i.e. adding in 8th notes or something.

If you want more help with the piano part just post what you're thoughts are on my other song thread that you critted
also I was hoping you could clarify some of your crit for me (its in the thread too)

so, overall its a good song. I would give it a 6. It doesn't have any synths (big thing for me), also its relatively "tame" i.e. no progginess or wankage. I understand that these aren't really called for in the genre you are going for- and I think the song works almost perfectly in that genre. The drums overall need to be revamped with nasty fills n stuff. There were parts that stood out in my memory as well- the opening guitar riff, as well as the breakdown with triplet qtr notes.
Kurzweil K2500xs
Last edited by ~Flounder~ at Feb 15, 2011,