Registered User
Join date: Aug 2009
400 IQ
its cool man, its a pretty good song.
the melodies are really good, i did like the fact that it has some odd parts, the thing is there were a lot of odd parts.
but overall its a good song
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2008
306 IQ
very impressive the intro you wrote is no joke though somthing i used to play on my keyboard but its very cool im not to keen on the drumming but yes good shit =)
UG's Fancy Antsy-Lope!
Join date: Sep 2007
1,878 IQ
Hey champ,

There are a lot of interesting ideas in this piece, and the interchange of time signatures in the individual sections grooves very well for the most-part (I think the 9/8 at bar 16 should be 3/4, though, with the minor groove taking up consecutive bars of 3/4, also, to follow).

My biggest gripe with this is that a lot of the riffs, motifs and melodies, while cohesive and strong independently, can't reach their full potential for a couple of reason: firstly, because so many are interchangeable within the structure, and secondly, no section necessarily serves to function purposefully with the others; there's not much dynamic value from section-to-section, none serve as build-ups or moments of anticipation or tension, and because of that a lot of their value isn't properly explored (I do like up to bar 25 however, as there's a very clear structure there).
So many of these sections would benefit from being granted the right build-up, or preceding and proceeding sections, and a few could be expanded on for a tremendous musical effect. On first hearing bars 30 - 32, I thought 33 was serving the function of a motif-inside-a-motif, which is a technique I tend to use, and I anticipated 30 - 32 (with the bar 29 tail) to repeat afterward, perhaps with more layering or some other variation. There are other sections that imply similar qualities, but none really have it.

Apologies for the harsh review, but I can't go into too much detail on the individual sections since its their functions within the framework of the song that warrants merit. Like I said though, the individual parts are great, but some could be expanded or varied, and many re-arranged, with perhaps more sections being written to fulfill their needs.
I'd recommend listening back, decide the purpose of each section - I now-often arrange a storyboard or write a short story and base the structure on that, since the dynamics and musical traits can correspond directly with that - and arrange accordingly; and like I said, maybe write a couple more sections to act as transitions or appropriate leads into or tails onto sections.

I hope this helps somewhat, and all the best. If you wouldn't mind, could you pass a critique onto Two-Scoops With a Sun-Dance in my sig (or ''Oh, The Nerve of it All...'', or both? )? Please be absolutely honest on its faults, since it's still practically a draft and needs some revision to be complete
Last edited by juckfush at Mar 6, 2011,