huevos
Signt, oo Jaed?
Join date: Feb 2007
1,892 IQ
#1
The song is incomplete and probably will stay that way until I can justify finishing it. I wrote it 6 months ago and just left it as is since then.

If nothing else, I would just like to hear some opinions on it and if it's a worthwhile song to complete.

C4C of course, at my discretion as to what counts as a crit.
Attachments:
Insipid_Breath.zip
Madzää
Failing at n00b language
Join date: Apr 2008
1,550 IQ
#2
This is the first piece of music I listen to today, so this will be one of the purest crits I can make! I really liked it at times, but I also couldn´t care less about other parts. But please keep in mind that this is a bit too heavy for my tastes, so take everything I will write with a grain of salt.

While I am not that much of a fan of the first riff, mostly because of the bass drum overdose, I like how you accented the rhythm with the snare. Also a nice arrangement of the progression in the guitars! The blast beats in the pre-chorus were a little it too much for me, too, but I love the accentuation with the bass drum, as opposed to the verse. Nice stuff! Also, the guitar riff has something magical, having a great resolution even with those dissonant chords! The little galloping drum part was a little bit expected, not much to say or crit, seemed suitable for the genre. The next drum riff was great, I really enjoyed it. Great accentuation on the snare and nice, modern rhythms with the hihat.

The next transition was ok, I didn´t care too much about A1, mainly because the riff didn´t really move me. But I think it fits for a little bit of a shift of attention. Nice variation of the intro you have going on there. I also like, as I said a few times before, the accentuation of the drums! A2 was very good, I really enjoyed it, maybe the best part of the song yet, not really much to crit here, other than some ethings I have said before. The pre-chorus was vey fitting, and I actually liked the transition, it seemed to go very well with the chorus. I love the chorus, great rhythm on the drums, and a punchy riff. Great work!

The transition in the verse was fitting, and I love the evolving and morphing of the chorus riff! I also like that the bass plays a bigger role here than in the other parts before. Pre-Chorus was basically the same as I said a few times before, other than the solo was fitting, however I´d tone the riff a little bit down, because it creates a sort of dissonance and uneveness in the solo. The chorus was a real comedown, very nice, and I absolutely loved the post chorus. It reminded me of the Haunted a few times. Great harmonies, maybe the climax of the whole song! The re-Intro comes extremly punchy this time, and is followed by the verse, which seem like an extreme duo after the post chorus, keeping the power up. The guitar interplay seems to keep the tension to the maximum, and the progression in the end is lovely. The chorus really brought the tension down to a minimum, I´d think about changing up the rhythm of the drums and the riff to alter the ending of the song. The little guitar fills were very fitting. As a ending, I´d maybe keep the bend for a whole bar.

I have to say, this was a lot easier to crit now than yesterday evening. It really grows with each listen. Innovative stuff, however I´d love to see you go into a more melodic direction at times!

I don´t really need any crit back for this, it´s always a pleasure to listen to your pieces!
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Quote by Lord-O-Donuts
Banned for being the coolest April 08'er on UG.


please check out my own album:
almilano.bandcamp.com
Last edited by Madzää at Mar 12, 2011,
MetalCommand
Registered User
Join date: Mar 2007
988 IQ
#3
Good song, well written. Plenty of good riffs here, especially the intro. All the parts are linked up well so the songs has a good flow to it, and the part where it says 'this exit sucks' is actually fine imo and fits in well. One thing I'd say is that perhaps you should introduce something different later on in the song to vary it up a bit, like a full guitar solo or just something with a slightly different feel/ rhythm to it. There is that bit from 187 onwards which changes a bit, not sure about it but it might sound better when you put drums in. The part in 3/4 time could provide something a bit different I guess when you finish adding in the drums etc.

Anyway there's certainly good stuff in there and I'd say for sure it is worth finishing.
Ometh
UG Addict
Join date: Oct 2009
3,913 IQ
#5
I haven't heard the song, but if your breath's insipid, you might want to try to wash your teeth brah.
Quote by slapsymcdougal
I'm cockblocked regularly by my appearance and personality.
Erra93
erriuyai
Join date: Nov 2009
1,682 IQ
#6
Quote by Imm0rtal
Can you play all this riffs?


This.
huevos
Signt, oo Jaed?
Join date: Feb 2007
1,892 IQ
#7
Most. The intro riff is tough to time with the little triplet run things, as well as the trem picking to double stops. Much easier if I ghost note them.
And the rest of the riffs? Hardly all that technical.
Protest the Hero, Black Dahlia Murder, Megadeth, Between the Buried and Me, and even Dance Gavin Dance songs give me a harder time than this song.

In all honesty, I think this song is terrible. Idk why I would write such tripe. But it is almost 2 years old, so I should view this as me elevating my songwriting prowess.
Next!

Ometh, halitosis is no laughing matter. lol
Erra93
erriuyai
Join date: Nov 2009
1,682 IQ
#8
Quote by huevos
Most. The intro riff is tough to time with the little triplet run things, as well as the trem picking to double stops. Much easier if I ghost note them.
And the rest of the riffs? Hardly all that technical.
Protest the Hero, Black Dahlia Murder, Megadeth, Between the Buried and Me, and even Dance Gavin Dance songs give me a harder time than this song.

In all honesty, I think this song is terrible. Idk why I would write such tripe. But it is almost 2 years old, so I should view this as me elevating my songwriting prowess.
Next!

Ometh, halitosis is no laughing matter. lol


Listened to your song "Imploring substance". I'm amazed. Truly. Shows you have improved greatly (and I'm not saying "Insipid breath" is bad either).
Imm0rtal
blackmetal in my vains
Join date: Jul 2008
2,277 IQ
#9
Quote by Erra93
This.



I don't give a **** .English isn't my native language so its normal to make mistakes
Erra93
erriuyai
Join date: Nov 2009
1,682 IQ
#10
Quote by Imm0rtal
I don't give a **** .English isn't my native language so its normal to make mistakes


Haha, I didn't even notice that you made a grammar mistake, I simply meant that I, too, was curious as to whether he could or couldn't play the riffs :p

And I'm sorry this post may sound douchy as well, but I really didn't mean to offend you. English isn't my native language either :p