#1
They’re watching the late night news
I can see their TV screen glow,
all of the houses in the street
had their curtains drawn-
except for this one.
Now they have changed the channel
the host is pulling amusing faces,
I can feel it
that sense of safety;
the well kept lawn
the smoke singing out of the chimney
soon all will be quiet.
The neighbours will take out their bins
they won’t see me approach the door
the kids will be tucked in their beds
the father will finally fall asleep.
Soon all will be quiet.
I can already imagine their faces.
#2
Someones gonna be murdering tonight?
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.

He who laughs last thinks slowest
#3
It had a sci-fi vibe, and as such I found the content lacking, sorry
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#4
It's almost like E. A. Poe. It creeps. I think there could be more to this than what's origionally thought. Don't give up on this. 2 Kudos
#5
I don't like the line:"Now they have changed the channel
the host is pulling amusing faces"

I'm sure you tried to describe little details to make the image in people's head better but this one is just useless and meh, you should take out this line in my opinion, and I agree with DigUpHerBones it was pretty lacking, the ending is much better than the beggining though.
Quote by tattyreagh
He's the hero The Pit deserves but not the one it needs right now. So, we'll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian. A watchful protector. GbAdimDb5m7.


Free Jani92jani

Free Will Swanson
#6
Hey man, I am really sorry that I took so long to actually critique this, even though I read it when you first posted it :| Anyway, I really, really liked how you buileded the tension with the subequent lines afer the fifth one. But the last line was a bit anticlimatic - that was the biggest gripe (although I didn't dislike the line at all, but it shouldn't be the last line.) I also believe that you need a comma after the first line. Apart from that, I really don't hav anything to add to this except that it was enjoyable.