#2
First, let the beard be.
don't give too much attention to how original your song is. its important to be original, but it doesnt matter if someone wrote a song about that subject already..
the whole thing sounds full of potential, but you need to sing with more confidence i think, you'd sound alot better.
i'de like to hear this song, with the same guitar line, with an organ playing or something in the background, and better vocals, i think this could be awesome.
#3
Quote by semus
First, let the beard be.
don't give too much attention to how original your song is. its important to be original, but it doesnt matter if someone wrote a song about that subject already..
the whole thing sounds full of potential, but you need to sing with more confidence i think, you'd sound alot better.
i'de like to hear this song, with the same guitar line, with an organ playing or something in the background, and better vocals, i think this could be awesome.



I shaved last night haha,

The originality thing was mostly a joke too,

That was actually one of the ideas for the song, unfortunately i don't have a keyboard :/

I'll probably re-record it, and play the final verse as arpeggios, to switch it up a bit, and try to sing with more confidence.
Thanks for the crit man!
Last edited by bagpipemetal at Mar 18, 2011,
#4
The song has a level of earnestness that I think is beneficial, but I think you need to find the key in which you can sing "full throated", for lack of a better term. Singing in this key would allow you to have a shift in dynamics that might add a bit of momentum to the song. For example, start the song with your current low-key vocals, but at some point, turn up the volume; bang the crap out of the chords, and use your full voice. Just an idea, although you certainly don't have to agree with me.

Also, two minor (ha, music joke) recommendations: sing with a smidge more confidence, and resolve the end of the chorus to the major chord. It sounds like you're ending chorus on an E minor that you're just having hang out there, which creates tension. This may be your intent, but usually the chorus is where things resolve themselves, not get even more tense. I think throwing in a G major--assuming I'm correct about the chord you're playing--would help the chorus "land" so you may then go on to the next part of the song.

And just be glad you can grow facial hair, some of us aren't there yet

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1422931
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"So if 'con' is the opposite of 'pro', then isn't 'congress' the opposite of 'progress'?"
- John Stewart, Daily Show
#5
I was trying to give it an earnest, yearning feeling, but I like the idea of having it build up, thanks man.

The chorus is Bm-Gm-Bm-Gm-A major.

Apparently I should have kept the beard lol.
Last edited by bagpipemetal at Mar 18, 2011,