#1
Alright, here's the song: "When We Go Camping.."

Lyrics:

:25 When the years have passed for you, will you see what you've left behind

1:18 I understand the human error, but this was all your design

1:36 This fury of thunder shakes the skies
This fury of thunder x2

1:52 My words are a loaded gun, and it is aimed at your heart

2:18 My words are a loaded gun, and it is aimed at your head

2:35 - 3:15 Instrumental break

Then Repeat Chorus


Any feedback would be great. This is still a draft, but yeah. Thanks though
#2
Seems sparse. You may want to look at the chorus again too. Its ok but if you wanna use the "my words are loaded gun" again maybe finish with a different line. Could you post the video? That would help alot since its hard to critique true songs with out the phrasing.

Crit mine?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1423196