Page 1 of 2
#1
Well, UG, I’ve just completed the once thought impossible task of shaving one’s own ass, and I am here to warn each and every one of you, never do the same.

It all started at the beginning of this year; I began to notice that my ass was a forest, a meadow of sort, and I never thought anything of it, because I was the only one to ever lay eyes on it. Until last night; several weeks ago, I met this girl, well technically I had already met her – but this time I met her on a much larger scale; I was over at her house, we were alone watching some movie, we began to snuggle and explore each other, and whatnot. Then the week after she came over to my house and we made out for a couple of hours and fooled around. Then, last night I was over at her place again, it was about 12:30 at night, and we began to take things even farther. I had removed my shirt and she had done the same; she then proceeded to explore the confines of my pants with her hands. It was at that moment, that I remembered that I possessed a bear-like ass. Intent on the situation, I tried to ignore it an move on, but something in the back of my mind kept screaming, “Don’t Touch My Ass!” She didn’t say anything but I knew that the time would come where she would see it in full view, and would be appalled.

This morning, horrified of what she might think if we ever decided to hook up again, I made the gutsy decision to embark on a journey of anal shaving. I thought it would be similar to shaving my face; a few quick swipes and we’d be done, no big deal. I was horribly, horribly wrong. I entered the bathroom and equipped my Gillette Fusion with a fresh set of blades, covered my ass in shaving cream and began to hack away. After I was ‘finished’ I decided to admire my work, and to my surprise I still saw an antagonizing amount of hair remaining on my ass; no longer did it look like a forest or an enchanted meadow, but rather like the balding head of a 55 year old man. I decided that I would just do the same thing again until the task was complete, but no more than 2 strokes into the second coat did my razor break. I’m not sure how to explain what happened, but the blades had detached themselves from the base (Pic Below). And now I was left with my old, dull set of blades, and an electric razor that didn’t seem to do shit.

I attached the old blade, and got back to work; for 2 hours I switched between the electric razor and the straight razor, the shower and the sink. This quick 2 second task, had now flourished into a 2 and a half hour quest, an epic of sort. After I was satisfied with my ass, I decided to move to my lower back, my legs, gooch and pubes; everything had to be evened out so I didn’t look like a confused baboon.

Finally, I was satisfied – the task had been completed; my monumental ass was no longer defaced with thousands of tresses. I cleaned up and threw on some clothes and began to go about the day, when I noticed that my ‘smooth,’ baby-like ass was now covered in thousands of tiny pikes, razor sharp hooks laced with itching powder. And now, every time I walk or try to sit, my gooch and ass sting and itch like no tomorrow.

So UG, don’t make the same mistake I did; never shave your ass, not even for a woman or you will regret it, every day of your life.

#4
For some reason this reminded me of the story about the kid who used his pool's suction thing for self pleasure but one day it ended up ripping out his intestines and now he's in poor condition and stuff.

Not a bad story, fake but its not a bad story. Worth reading.
No gods or kings. There is only zuul.
Quote by RU Experienced?
Now police, fire, and EMS vehicle's sirens sound in tritones. Suck it Christians, your protectors are satans minions.


I have been sigged by UG's Greek, what have YOU done today?
#5
The real copypasta is much longer......... 1/5

[IN PHIL WE TRUST]


Quote by Trowzaa
I only play bots. Bots never abandon me. (´・ω・`)

#9
The first time I shaved my pubes, I went so insane I grabbed a bowl of rice and squished it against my groin. The hot, yet soft, texture eased the itch for a few seconds. Never again.

Also, copypasta.
R.I.P. Ronnie James Dio. Supplied amazing music to both me and my mother.

He will be missed.
#10
Do it again when it grows back.

Keep doing it, eventually the itching will go away after shaving.

I trimmed my pubes a while ago, itched like crazy.

Did it even shorter the other night, and it feels great.
#12
Quote by sloppyjoe24
TL;DR

Why does so much ass hair exist? What is its purpose?

To help keep your ass warm.
#13
Quote by maiden03
Do it again when it grows back.

Keep doing it, eventually the itching will go away after shaving.

The itching isn't the only problem. The real copypasta knows.

[IN PHIL WE TRUST]


Quote by Trowzaa
I only play bots. Bots never abandon me. (´・ω・`)

#15
Quote by strat335
I use that same kind of razor!

Me too!
Quote by AlecMag
I love that song! You are god for putting it into a poem


Quote by LadyHellRaiser
Your hair is fckin epic, dude!!!

LOVE IT!!!!


Quote by rmr024
no ****in way!
I don't even know you but I think I love you...

So awesome.


I hate my fucking username.
#17
Quote by SteveHouse
The itching isn't the only problem. The real copypasta knows.


I've read the real one but I can't recall where. I do remember it was hilarious, though.
My signature lacks content. It is, however, blue.
#19
Man, I shave my scrotum and it doesn't itch at all. You gotta be careful and start slow. It used to itch when I first did it, but now it doesn't bother me at all. Never shave your ass cheeks! You can trim your asshole hair but don't shave it.
#21
Quote by MAC2322
I've read the real one but I can't recall where. I do remember it was hilarious, though.

Craigslist screencap.... Actually when I saw it, it may have been on Craigslist itself. (probably repost)

[IN PHIL WE TRUST]


Quote by Trowzaa
I only play bots. Bots never abandon me. (´・ω・`)

#22
My girl can suck it if she thinks i'm shaving my ass.
“Just to sum up: I would do various things very quickly.” - Donald Trump
#23
My ass is off limits to my gf. She's cool with it, too. She has no desire to go exploring back there lol so it's a win-win situation.
Gear
Highway One Tele (w/Custom Shop 51 Nocaster pickups)
Standard Tele (modded to Nashville specs)
Reverend Roundhouse

Orange Rockerverb 50 MKI
Vox AC4c1
Jet City JCA20H

And pedals!



"Shiva opens her arms now..
...to make sure I don't get too far"
#24
dont shave. trim.


i thought everyone knew this?

shaving makes you look like a 10 year old boy(with a larger penis, of course!) and hurts like a bitch
#26
Sadly for you TS, now it will grow back twice as fast and twice as thick.

Have fun wit that.
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Sadly this is Ultimate-guitar, not Simple-guitar. We can't help you.


#27
My only question: the cheeks or by the actual hole?
[img]http://cdn.gs.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/v.gif[/img]
#28
Quote by Wrst_Plyr_Evr
Not true. I read it.


Me too.

However, even if that is a copy/paste job, I was stilll amused.
An Augmented 4th or a Diminished 5th?


Quote by I.O.T.M
You, fine sir, have impeccable taste.


Ahhhh Yuck Fou.
#30
you forgot the part about how when you sweat, it makes your butt checks slide against each other and it makes a paste like substance in your ass crack as the turds slip out and mix in.
Remember through sounds
Remember through smells
Remember through colors
Remember through towns
-Modest Mouse, "Novocaine Stain"
#32
You made my day. I think you simply did something wrong, somewhere, somehow.
Quote by PsiGuy60
Banned because f*ck you Hebriqui.
I'd been going for a month or so.


Quote by Peres.T.Peanut
oh **** you
#33
TS forgot the part where he moved to Bel-Air.
I'm rgrockr and I do not approve of this message.
#34
Quote by denfilade
Did this thread remind anyone else of that thread a while ago also about some dude with a really hairy ass, and posted pics of other people's hairy asses to demonstrate how hairy his ass was?

EDIT: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1369798


Yeah, that was my thread!

Anyway, I trimmed my bum last week, and I must say, I'm quite happy with the result. You can actually see my cheek's skin and it felt weird on the first day, but now it's totally cool. Two thumbs up. Recommended.
#35
Guys have hairy asses. Live with it.

Never shave below the waist, always turns out bad.
Quote by severed-metal
Come to think of it, my penis should've listened to more death metal.


Quote by Morphogenesis26
So my question is. Can Pre-Cum fluid pass through my underwear, my jeans, onto and through her jeans, through her underwear, and impregnate her?
#36
Real men have hairy arses
Father of ilikepirates And icesk8erqueen8
every man on here who tries to touch them will get his dick chopped off.

E-married to Shyne <3



Officialy has OddOneOut as e-sexslave
#37
waxing and hair removal creams are your friend.

Seriously. Hair removal cream. Quick and painless
~Domino?

This life's too good to last
and I'm too young to care.


Musics
Follow me on Twitter, I'm cool.
#38
Quote by sloppyjoe24


Why does so much ass hair exist? What is its purpose?


It keeps your bum warm of course.

Actualy, here's an interesting little fact. The hairs on your arse are the longest hairs on your body but most of the length is actualy inside your body, we know this because when someone pulls out your arse hair, it has the direct result of making your eyes water, and as we all know your eyes are at the complete other end of your body.

Quote by Philip_pepper
Yeah, that was my thread!

Anyway, I trimmed my bum last week, and I must say, I'm quite happy with the result. You can actually see my cheek's skin and it felt weird on the first day, but now it's totally cool.

I also have hairy butt cheeks, I once shaved a letter 'W' on each cheek, so that when I bent over it spelled WoW.
Quote by Philip_pepper
Two thumbs up.

Unfortunate phrase to use when talking about bottoms.


warning, some of the contents of this post may not necessarily be completely true.
Last edited by SlackerBabbath at Mar 20, 2011,
Page 1 of 2