#1
"It's 10:30 all's well on a Tuesday evening,
in the full moon light of Iowa cornfield.
Eight boys stand, clenching their fist, breathing whiskey,
trying their best to look like they're made of steel.

And I don't stick my neck out for no one.
But I didn't put on my boots for fun.
And I don't know what we're fightin' about.
But I aint gonna' miss a chance to throw down.

I didn't know the girl, hell I barely knew her boyfriend.
Doesn't matter, I know the score.
And I don't know them boys lying there, bleeding down in the grass.
But my broken nose is proof I'm absent remorse.

And I don't stick my neck out for nobody.
But I busted his head on the bricks in the street.
And I might not know what we're fightin' about.
But now it's commenced, get in or get out.

And I wasn't looking, when he punched me in the jaw.
But I got nothin' to prove, and that's what I told the law.
Tasted the blood, and I spit out a chunk of my broken tooth.
Well never again, I swear to you.

And I might stick my neck out for someone, sometime.
But I'm sick and tired of this kind of fun, it aint right.
I may never know what this fightin's about.
But there's the door, I'll be steppin' out.
Yeah there's the door, I think I'm steppin' out."

This is my first song/thread, it seems a little odd in the in the rhyme scheme, but it makes sense with the music. I need a good title. Comments suggestions anyone?
Last edited by Toadvine at Mar 24, 2011,
#2
first line is silly. 10:30 at night on a tuesday evening. (think about it)

i'm on my phone or I'd give it a full proofread.

just because it flows with the music doesn't mean its perfect. there's potential here but its a very awkward piece to me
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#3
Quote by rebelmidget
first line is silly. 10:30 at night on a tuesday evening. (think about it)

i'm on my phone or I'd give it a full proofread.

just because it flows with the music doesn't mean its perfect. there's potential here but its a very awkward piece to me


Wow sometimes I can't believe how easily offended I am. You are absolutley right the first line is a little redundant. Sometimes when you're strumming away and spit out a line, you're too busy patting yourself on the back to realize it isn't that great. But I don't find it awkward, it's clear we have different styles. From what I read you prefer two or three word lines, (picture framed, with living right, people are good, etc) I prefer longer narrative.
The song is about regret from all the pointless fights I used to get into when I was younger, and now I walk away. It's mostly true accounts (No one fought in the cornfield, everyone stood around talking crap, I broke my nose in a wrestling match not a fistfight. But I was punched by kid I'd never seen, over a girl I never met, and I did bust his head on the street. Cops arrived, he was arrested, they let me go, I did lose a chunk of tooth.) The last chorus seems forced, but I didn't want anyone thinking I'm some sort of always fighting basterd. Like I said it's about regret.
I to have been robbed, though unsuccessfully. Anyway thanks for the input.
#4
good to see someone else passionately defend their work.

still think its a little awkward
I want Super Saiyan abilities