#1
Hello,
This is the second "sonnet" of a series I'm working on. I put the term sonnet in quotations because it is used rather lightly, as I invented my own rhyme scheme; it is neither Petrarchan or Shakespearean. Enjoy.

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The trees swing with such brilliance and grace
In this beautiful, pristine spring-time place.
And I remember hearing a song of
Such a beautiful, angelic choir,
Humming hymns and melodies high above
Like a gentle spring breeze; takes me higher.
And such is the song of the canary
Turning the nature around me merry!
The gorgeous notes form a shield around me
Protecting me from what’s not yet to be.
The songs of the canary soar so high!
As long as I ride them, I will be pure.
As long as I grasp them, I cannot die,
For if I know something, of that I’m sure.
I'm just like the Jonas Brothers,

I'm no longer relevant and write mediocre music.


#3
mods used to be pretty touchy about bumbing your own thread, careful.
i like this. parts are expected, but the last line sold it for me. 7.5/10
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#4
Yeah, no bumping.

If you want more critiques, remember to read and post something on other people's threads as much as possible, kindly asking for a return in the process.

It is generally accepted that to each one of your pieces that is criticized, whether it be a "this was brilliant and made me feel as on air" or something a lot more detailed, you must critique three other pieces.