#1
red is the set sun
with passionate benevolence
and eternal life

he sits in the sky
in quiet insignificance
and blank solitude

he begs for reprieve
from his endless seclusion
hopelessly in vain
#2
Impressive and moving short piece.

Everything is the way it should be. It's these pieces that I have a hard time critiquing because there is very little to critique. At this point, anything I would recommend you change wouldn't make the piece any better, only different.

10/10

Critique mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1422761
GEAR
Epiphone SG-400
Marshall 1987 JCM-800 2210 100W

Proud Member of:
The SG Owners Unite
Marshall Amplification
EHX Users Guild

The True Eccentric Tea Drinking Appreciation Preservation Society

#3
I really enjoyed this, for a few reasons.
First of all, you didn't waste words. Every word, from 'he' to 'seclusion' carried some sort of significance to the theme and flow of the piece, and that made it very gripping, because I wouldn't lose interest on certain lines
Secondly, your choice of words was very, umm.. efficient? I'm not sure if there's one word to describe it, but you only used longer words when necessary, and seemed to realize when a single syllable would do just as well as two or three. You weren't overly simple, but at the same time you weren't indulgent in your vocabulary.
Lastly, I liked the general theme of this piece. The idea of the misinterpretation of figures of power, like the sun, is something that can be widely applied, and I like that.
Now I could have totally gotten the wrong idea out of that, in which case that last point will be irrelevant, but still, it's what i read.
Like I said, though, I really enjoyed this piece =)

If you could check out mine, that'd be grand =)

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1424067
#5
If you could reciprocate the favor by critiquing mine, I'd appreciate it.
GEAR
Epiphone SG-400
Marshall 1987 JCM-800 2210 100W

Proud Member of:
The SG Owners Unite
Marshall Amplification
EHX Users Guild

The True Eccentric Tea Drinking Appreciation Preservation Society

#6
Short, sweet, and to the point. No possible complaints from me.

Ends really bittersweetly, and loneliness is something that's really relatable right now. The last stanza brings that up quite nicely.

Very well done.
#7
I enjoy the sentiment put forth here- but I felt that it could've been beefed up a bit. I couldn't help but think while I was reading this that you could've said the same thing in an either shorter or longer piece, drawing out the subtleties and nuances of the idea of immortality and loneliness, or making it maybe a stanza shorter and really straining on the provoking aspect of your idea. I like this, I just felt it was a little lean, which leaves me feeling like it was enigmatic, but empty.