#1
Let it simmer
until innocence sings and perhaps
it will boil away in that second;
when sympathy illuminates a path
to love.

You need not follow;
it can be fleeting
and free from what we’ve
decided to
call authority.

But please
for the love of whatever
it is you’ve stumbled upon
already,
give it
a little
time.
Last.fm


"Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of its time."


#2
I just want to say I like this a lot. The last stanza is brilliant, makes you read slower, and what you read slower is 'Give it a little time.' Not too subtle, but I don't find overly slick either. I came back and looked at at three different times, planning out something to say, but I found myself without sentences, and so I write this.
"Pain or damage don't end the world nor despair, nor fuckin' beatings. The world ends when you're dead, until then you have more punishment in store. Stand it like a man, and give some back."
Last edited by Toadvine at Mar 26, 2011,
#3
i don't like the choppiness of the last stanza. love the rest
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#4
This was nice to read, it flowed well, and it makes me want to read it again to try and find something new in it.
I liked the continuance of the piece, the way all of your metaphors contributed to the whole of the poem, like when you used simmer and boil in the first stanza.
Your word choice was great, not too complicated, but each word fit perfectly into its place.
The last stanza was genius, because although it was simple, it makes me want to read it and re-read it. Everything, from your use of punctuation and word choice right down to the line breaks seemed like that stanza wouldn't sound the same any other way.
This probably isn't going to be the last time I read this piece, because it's making me think, and I like that
Great job
#6
I don't like the last stanza that much either

I'm also not a fan of "sympathy illuminates a path to love" personally. It was a nice read, but IMO there wasn't too much to sink your teeth into, if you get what I mean.
#7
I love the idea of this and a lot of your imagery and word choice was very, very fresh. In my opinion I think you can expand on this a little. I felt like there was a bit of a jump between the second and last stanza without a clean transition.

But on the whole, this was very enjoyable
here, My Dear, here it is