#1
Hey everyone, I was going for an Oceana kind of song here, so I decided to try and brainstorm some lyrics, these are what I got.

I search for our true purpose, amongst these crevices of time.
Sliding into cracks rendered by hate and pride.
Drifting, slowly, slowly
Drifting, slowly, slowly
Don't disregard the light, it holds the attainment to greater heights.
Our mothers and fathers, kept it alive for us, inside of us.

I'm torn between truth and passage,
torn through the stitching in my skin.
Left forever to decipher,
Waiting for the end to begin.

The guards of heavens door,
Speak in riddles never answered before
Riddles of truth and love
Grant us keys to stairways above.

I found our true purpose, amongst the crevices of time.
They slid into cracks, brought by pain and lies.
Drifted so slowly,
Drifted so slowly,
Out of grasps reach, from my hands.
Out of grasps reach, from prophets preach.

I'm torn between truth and passage,
torn through the stitching in my skin.
Left forever to decipher,
Waiting for the end to begin.
Forgotten times, locked with chains and keys.
Thrusting into currents, slipping in salt stained seas.
Let the sun rise above the waves,
And wash away the guilt in me.
Let the sun rise above the waves,
And wash away the guilt in me

C4C
Poop.


Yes, poop.
#2
well written. feels unfocused. are you torn or have you found our purpose? might be just that you wrote it so vague that I can't quite find the point.

also "salt stained seas" is silly to me.

all that being said, this piece works and I could imagine it as a quality song
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#3
I could explain it if you'd like.

I meant for it to mean like, I found my purpose, but I'm torn between that purpose, and the one I set for myself within my own conscience. Like, the "meaning of man" kind of thing, that is a purpose that is supposed to be followed by man, while the conscience created purpose is subjective to the individual.

I enjoy the "salt stained seas" line, I wanted to use some alliteration, so I thought that fit nicely.
Poop.


Yes, poop.
#4
I really enjoyed reading this. First of all I thought the flow was great. Also it was just a beautiful piece. Felt very "epic" for lack of a better word. My only problem was the "the guards of heavens door" stanza. The idea is good, but it just seems to me that the rhyming is forced. It doesn't have the great flow the rest of the piece has. Other than this piece was really good and the "wash away the guilt in me" is a very strong line to end this piece on. I hope to read more from you,

Crit mine please
Sweet Dream Lullaby